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The Forum > Article Comments > Taking the hint > Comments

Taking the hint : Comments

By Nina Funnell, published 24/10/2008

Sparing Casanova's feelings might be the polite thing to do, but surely, compromising one's integrity is too great a price.

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<nevitably end up constructing themselves in terms of male ownership. Rejecting one man, by identifying oneself as the spoken for property of another man, is hardly empowering and merely reduces women to the status of chattel. Moreover, this line does not encourage men to respect women: it merely reinforces the “brotherhood code” that says that you “do not touch another man's property”.>

As far as I know there aren't any slave markets in Australia where men can purchase women, and besides there are laws against slavery in this country.

So it not possible for anyone to lay a legal claim that another person is their property.

Although I do know that some women do assert their claim over what they regard as being their property.
Posted by JamesH, Friday, 24 October 2008 9:32:08 AM
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Nina this article says more about you than the issue you purport to raise.
The issue of ownership is in your mind.
As for the ‘brotherhood’ you must be kidding. That only applies if at all only to partners of close friends more an issue of loyalty/respect a mates feelings rather than ownership.

When I’ve heard that comment I simply assume that the woman in question is simply indicating HER commitment to someone else or alternatively she doesn’t fancy me.

Given people tend to make opinions in the first 15-30 seconds they are often subject to error. Consider this hypathetical I see a stunning woman who interests me; I’m a little shy so I have liquid courage, stand and ponder then after some time, controlling my insecurity I approach you… and am dismissed with a look and ‘no thanks’. I am deflated, embarrassed, insecure and momentarily offended.

If this article is a fair example of your true nature you seem to be egocentric, more concerned about your insecurities and projecting your flawed judgements on to others. While demanding they know and respect your feelings. I can see how you would get “stuck up bitch” from lesser (or drunk) males. Not everyone shares your robust attitudes.

Now consider the reverse. As a ‘liberated assertive woman’ you overcome your innate discomfort at being vulnerable and approach a ‘perfect’ male. He dismisses you with “no thanks” (be honest) how do you feel? Embarrassed, insecure, rejected etc?

There is a time for the brutally honest approach and with strangers it should be entered into with great trepidation unless you are prepared to accept the consequences. e.g. Your local dirty dancer. Boorish behaviour is the same regardless of gender and you are in your rights to tell him of your discomfort.

The real difference between being liberated and not is you, not your assumptions of someone else’s abilities and attitudes.
I think you need more 'generous' thought about this issue (?)
Posted by examinator, Friday, 24 October 2008 12:20:27 PM
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What an offensive persecution complex on show from the examiner, expecting women to be apologetic and conciliatory with regard to their social interaction. Perhaps when women stop being subject to the constant risk of sexual assault, alcohol-fuelled or otherwise, you may have reason to consider your ego bruised by those uppity females.

Why in god's name should a woman possibly feel compelled to utter an honest statement "with great trepidation" just because your fragile bourbon-soaked ego is too delicate to deal with the possibility of rejection?

Given your sarcastically quoted "liberated assertive female" and the ominous warnings of "accepting the consequences", I feel that perhaps your mysoginist and faux-victimised mentality would be more at home in Iran or Saudi Arabia.

Oh wait, you couldn't even get any "liquid courage" to help you out there, looks like it's the end of the gene pool for the examinator clan!

:` (
Posted by Dr Fresh, Friday, 24 October 2008 1:17:16 PM
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Isn't this issue more about manners and generosity of spirit rather than gender equality?

A man, not wanting to offend, can equally argue that he is with someone else without losing his individuality or independence. Women are no different.

We all make choices about the way we behave towards others. We can choose to be kind if we think it is the best option in a given situation without losing any sort of independence or strength.

Strength can also be observed in restraint
Posted by pelican, Friday, 24 October 2008 3:46:22 PM
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Too much rhetorical propaganda and ideological projections to say anything meaningful beyond personal psychological narrative masquerading as rational observation.

Quite revealing of the authors ego defenses (delusions). Which l find useful as a sounding board for my own non-sense.

Men do the same thing. That the author makes no attempt to acknowledge nor discuss reveals bias. Women, particularly once into their un-inhibited (or less inhibited) thirties can be very slow at taking a hint. Maybe its the whole 'womens empowerment = good, mans = bad' thing that makes womens equally tawdry tendencies socially acceptable or much less unacceptable.

We too say we're taken, getting over a break-up or divorce, are single fathers, living with parents, have a low-status (low income) job. We beg off, playing emotionally dumb. Women resent not being let into your head, it offends their egoes. A bit like men and sex. They'll become pushy, insistent, inappropriate, slighted, indignant oblvious and ignorant to their own behaviour... like men and sex.

We say things like we're gay (believe it or not), dont wanna marry or have kids. Great way to fend off the real pushy one's. Amusing how women will 'ask' passive-aggressive leading questions like 'are you gay' when they feel invalidated or you are a happily single guy. The currently or hopefully coupled women seem to take personal offense at the 'happily single.' Such a man is a perceived threat to the social order in general. Eventhough women rebel against partiarchy, they unconsciosuly reinforce it.

A batchelor deprives a woman of family and support. Anything done/not done to/for a woman, is generally taken by ALL women as a reflection upon themselves. Women tend to band together as a psychological unit or mental meme in the face of mans overwhelming advantages. Prolly why they tend toward consensus, bullying and ostracising those that dont validate the group objective.

Golden rule... only initiate if assured of her interest, meaning clear, unambiguous verbal cues. Makes for a lonely, but clear life when interacting with the feminine minded (including most males), prone to plausible deniability and vaguaries as they tend to be.
Posted by trade215, Friday, 24 October 2008 4:28:41 PM
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The bottom line is that we are all human beings. Not only should we have respect for each other as such - we should also be compassionate and considerate in our relations with each other. Sometimes it is just the case that one person is not attracted to another...

But the bottom line is as such: even someone you do not know is a human being.

Be honest - If you're interested in a relationship, sex etc: then you may have to make the point one way or another... But do so within boundaries... Try to be as considerate as possible. This goes for all relationships. It is the difference between selfish amorality as regards relationships, and the kindness and generosity we should all have for each other. (regardless of gender)

If the other person is oblivious to your position or needs - then there may be need to be more blunt and overt... But where possible, keep the above in mind...

And never forget that the other is also a human being. All human beings are of value - and the innocent especially should not be subject tp degradation, humiliation etc - which often comes when relationships turn sour...

And finally - sex is not everything - always be open to friendship which is genuine and sincere...
Posted by Tristan Ewins, Friday, 24 October 2008 4:52:34 PM
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