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The Forum > Article Comments > Taking the hint > Comments

Taking the hint : Comments

By Nina Funnell, published 24/10/2008

Sparing Casanova's feelings might be the polite thing to do, but surely, compromising one's integrity is too great a price.

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I agree totally with Pelican and Tristan. Its simply another "Do unto others...scenario".

Actually, I was quite enjoying reading this article which was was written giving both sides of the equation for the first two thirds - a situation that many people, both male and female - have had experience with. The sudden gender-swing took me completely by surprise.

Though I guess this thread may develop into yet another gender-bashing excercise, I guess, sadly, that must have been the point all along. Pity: I was hoping it would turn into one of those threads where everyone gets a chance to tell of their biggest whopper, or the one that came back to bit them on the bum,or their most embarrassing/surprising encounter. THAT would have involved everyone equally and not led to another skirmish in the interminable gender-wars.

p.s. For the record: my most desperate attempt with one who wouldn't take the hint was finally to say regrettfully "Look, I'm sure that would be lovely but, unfortunately I have a raging STI". Without missing a beat my suave companion took a relaxed sip of his Scotch and said coolly "That's o.k.: I'm not allergic to penicillan". Bluff well and truly called!.
Posted by Romany, Friday, 24 October 2008 11:46:02 PM
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Celivia You write

'Someone doesn't necessarily have to be all dolled-up or hang around in a 'pick-up points' to be approached.
The whole world is potentially one big pick-up place except perhaps tool sheds and kitchens.'

You make a valid point but I am sure that many women like the game of playing naive and then get upset when they can't control the rules. This is especially true at pubs/nightclubs etc later in the evenings. If you continue to hang around dogs it is a bit rich to complain about getting fleas.
Posted by runner, Saturday, 25 October 2008 12:35:58 AM
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I agree that 'ethical interaction between the sexes' has a loooong way to go... but feigning an earlier connection, to avoid hurting another's feelings, is not going to be a big part of that new dawn of deep ethics and human consideration
Posted by floatinglili, Saturday, 25 October 2008 12:43:12 AM
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Sadly “gender equality” is often an issue hijacked as a coverall for a range of personal issues as is the case of this article. Being fair in today’s hedonistic, instant answers world some people genuinely have difficulty discriminating between objective principle and emotional self interest.

It appears that many women view men as being a possessive dirty mind one end, dirty boots at the other and obsessed with what is in the middle. Another permutation of this stereotyping is the attitude all men are potential rapists et al. A whole unsubstantiable assumption. One can then reasonably ask isn’t sexual stereotyping that is an anathema to feminists, or does it only apply when its directed at women? Equality demands that a complainant must also give the same, the above views clear don’t.

What many lose sight of is that equality in relationships doesn’t mean both the same (unisex) rather an OVERALL accommodation/acceptance between two people where dominance/work load isn’t fixed to one person.
Individuals have different needs, abilities and preferences that need to be accommodated (a contextual balance). Within personal tolerances why not maximize these strengths?

Outside of personal relations gender inequality is when a person is denied opportunity solely or largely on the grounds of their gender. Clearly the issue is fundamentally is discrimination and ABHORRENT.

The problem with pressure groups is in order to remain relevant it tends to extend its aims beyond the founding principles and seek to make their cause more important than all others. That in its self creates reverse discrimination and inhibitors. Merely replace one discrimination with another. As a manager I have had first hand experience with how much such emphasis has/is being abused to the detriment of others.

Objectively analysed many of the arguments made in the name of ‘gender equality’ can be arguably viewed as dominance realignment rather than equality. Seeking to justify one’s lack of manners/sensitivity by stereotyping males is clearly an abuse/misuse of the principles. Tragically I believe Nina’s flawed emotional reasoning and attitudes are common adding to the disconnect between people.
Posted by examinator, Saturday, 25 October 2008 12:51:57 PM
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Unfortunately for some of us, the prospective partners that we want to discourage at 8:30 when we arrive at the bar feeling relaxed and hopeful are often the only ones left by 11:30 when we're still alone, drinking steadily and getting increasingly desperate. It simply doesn't pay for us to piss someone off too thoroughly.
Posted by Jon J, Saturday, 25 October 2008 4:47:18 PM
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Pelican.
Oh dear, It would appear that my words were prophetic. They did say more about me than the topic. Indeed the offerings on this topic weren’t up to my usual over thought ofering.

Your generosity of spirit towards my unintentional verbal gender reassignment does you proud. I apologise.
It has given me food for thought.
On re-reading I see the need for clarification.
I am not on the make. I simply tried to protect my point by feigning currency. In hindsight pointless.

I do have an expectation of professionalism from authors which isn’t necessarily applied to commenters
I do accept feed back in fact I seek it providing if negative it attacks what I actually say or isn’t simply ad hominem.

Runner,
It had to happen at some time I actually see (qualified) merit in your point about fleas.

Celivia,
I agree that sometimes giving like for like is appropriate. Objectionable behaviour is just that objectionable behaviour. Not your perception of ‘The god’s gift to women’ you may be wrong. It’s a bit like ad hominem comments on line judging a PERSON not the act. In different circumstances….
Clearly this changes if you know the person.
Why the seeming pedantism? A number of years on Lifeline picking up the pieces taught me to be careful about dismissing people on limited perceptional information

Trade
Well said

Jon J,
Perhaps you need to either cut your losses earlier, move onto somewhere else or perhaps choose your moves more carefully(less desperation would help).

All
Psychological research some years ago discovered that if you were to maintain a positive attitude or stopped a negative action for just 30 days continuously it would become a habit and then internalize and become part of you… after several years I’m still working on the continuous bit.
Posted by examinator, Saturday, 25 October 2008 5:26:10 PM
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