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The Forum > Article Comments > Child abuse in the Family Court > Comments

Child abuse in the Family Court : Comments

By Sunita Shaunak, published 29/7/2008

The prevailing view of 'highly qualified experts' used by the Family Court is that many protective parents lie about their child's abuse.

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Lyndamac

I still feel that I am on trial for trying to restore contact with my grandchildren in order to protect them.

Since the failed hearing in August which I was not allowed to attend, a recurring commment I have heard is that I can't do anyhing because I signed the Consent Orders for minimal indirect contact just before the Hearing. I did so under threat of losing contact altogether and I was allowed no time to consider, or offered alternatives.

I mention this now as I would like to know if my experience was typical, or whether I was just unlucky or too trusting of the legal sytem.

Ordinarily there is a "cooling off" period for major transactions but I had to make an instant and irrevocable decision and did not even receive a record of what I had signed. There is no provision for a review even if my legal etc complaints are successful.

Any reasonable person reading the files would be able to detect the faulty logic, deceptions and mental illnesses of the defendants. This means either that the files were not read properly or that they were considered to be irrelevant because the parents have ownership of the children which over-rides all other considerations.

No one associated with the case AT THAT TIME was prepared to take the necessary steps to obtain justice for them.

As all reading this will know, I am trying to have the case reopened which is expensive and time-consuming. Meantime my grandchildren are still at risk.

I was allowed one of my rare phone calls yesterday for a child's birthday. Even then a parent caused a backgroubnd disturbance which interfered with our conversation. There is nothing I can do about this, as records would show only the fact that the call was received, not the quality of it.
Posted by Valarie, Monday, 10 November 2008 8:31:00 AM
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There is now clear medical research evidence that constantly exposing children to traumatizing abuse results in neuro-developmental injury. The brain does 90% of its growth in the first 6 years and if, during that time the child is constantly responding to feelings of alarm, fear, distress and terror, their development will be attuned to survival in high stress dangerous environments - with consequences for cognition, speech, learning, health and behaviour. The effects are cumulative and exponential. Far from a history of abuse being 'in the past', it has inscribed the child's future. The family law system needs to get to grips with this. Past abuse not only predicts future abuse , but also means there are existing injuries which will be even more deeply harmed by further abuse.
Posted by mog, Monday, 10 November 2008 9:41:50 AM
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Valerie, like most of us we have learnt from past experience sadly that we have all been duped into signing documents whilst being rushed through a system which is not accountable to any body.I am trying to gather as much information from people about all of the under hand tactics of solicitors& judges .
I put together a video yesterday and posted on YT it went to 50 viewed in the reporter section. It is part 1 of how to deal with the paper work.
my channel is Liverpoollou6 go to more from Liverpoollou6 and look for Help with Paperwork. I would ask you all to consider doing a video response to my vid and giving any helpful advice you have from your experience . Please keep the vid short. as people switch off. The forum is good ,however an image works wonders.
At least you get a phone call I do not get a phone call I stopped my contact I took the power away from my ex -partner. In time the children will want out of this situation and will want reasonable contact with the family.
This forum is brilliant I just wish it was on radio or better still linked up on YT .
I am sorry Valerie I do not know what to say except keep going do not give in .
Posted by Lyndamac, Monday, 10 November 2008 2:34:12 PM
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Mog and Lyndamac

Thank you for your support and insight. Mog- you express it so well.
I am living proof of the effects of maternal emotional abuse, although this probably did not become very serious until I was six. Until then I think that my father protected me, but he became very ill, and later died. At the age of six I was blamed for causing a serious accident which I knew was not my fault, but no-one told me otherwise and I was afraid to stand up for myself. I saw the accident and I know that it was my mother's fault.I became extremely anxious about hurting others unintentionally, and have many physical health problems caused by this anxiety.

Fortunately I had a photographic memory which made learning easy.
Success at school led to superficial normality although my self esteem has always been very low. My mother ignored or belittled any achievements, and I was ashamed of her absence on important occasions.

As the result of the early abuse I became a "people pleaser", overly conscientious and overly studious. I was always too ready to help others, my life ruled by what others (including my mother) might think of the the way I looked, behaved and dressed. I couldn't break away from her until she died when I was 56.

Beng a "people pleaser" I was easy prey for the first male who suggested marriage. He turned out to be physically violent with our sons and his behaviour towards me after marriage was identical with my mother's. They became close.

Please see my next posting
Posted by Valarie, Tuesday, 11 November 2008 10:47:16 AM
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Continued from my last posting:

I tried to be a perfect mother which upset my husband. He was jealous of and very violent towards our children, and I was unable to fully protect them. He left, remarried and went abroad and we seemed to recover but he re-entered the lives of our sons when each was 19 (the most vulnerable age for mental illness to show itself).

One son is now the defendant in my court action for contact with his children which is the only way I can hope to protect my them from their mother's abuse which includes withholding food, and severe corporal punishment. The father spends most of his time in another country, and condones the abuse by doing nothing about it, and by opposing my contact with the children.

The phone calls I am allowed probably help to keep the children safe as the authorities don't seem able to act. I have no great hope that the children will seek me out in later life. I have been disowned by everyone in my family who knows about the Court action. It is uncomfortable for them. Only one close friend knows about it and she was so critical of me for going to Court that our friendship has virtually lapsed.

Lindamac. Good work with your video. The Forum is great, but vidoes etc might reach those not yet involved with the Family Court and so help to prepare them.
Posted by Valarie, Tuesday, 11 November 2008 11:23:51 AM
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Valerie, the You tube has to be the best platform to have your say and get the message out. The forums are a safe haven for the people who just want to be anon. It is good to have face to face with people as this way you really find support & true power. Through all of the forums there are now more support networks for families to be found globally .
I fell asleep due to a cold last night, however would have liked to have joined in on talkshow.com on facebook: I do like the Get off the Bench show: I was sent a link to this also SPLITNTWO by a mother who is living apart.
To think that we could support each other raise funds and really make a difference means so much .I have mentioned this forum so maybe new members will come over from Canada / US .This is a very good Forum,please let me know if any of you speak out on the talkshoe.com or any other radio link I would like to hear from you all and what you have to say is equally important.
Keep up the good work.
Thank you for viewing my video it has got to 38 viewed in 2 days.So obviously it has helped people or word is spreading fast. I hardly have any subbers on the channel and find it hard to keep up with it all.I will give it a go , and give it my best shot.
Posted by Lyndamac, Tuesday, 11 November 2008 4:21:10 PM
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