Thank you Nicholas...I know someone with an international background who has this same attitude - so it may not just be Australia - perhaps it is because people spend so much time seeing so many 'perfect' images of love nowadays that unless they get that, they don't think it is 'real.'

My best relationships and connections are with people who I have argued with, have challenged me and for some reason, still love me. The 'ultimate connection' comes after time and commitment - and I think most people are scared because they have been hurt and are a bit too sensitive.

Life is not perfect. Thank God! We are here to learn and love - so just get on with it - give it a go!

The scary thing is that these girls who have been brainwashed by secular humanism are likely to be leaders in our nation. In the past we called them sluts and hores. It is a pity a few more parents are not instilling some self respect and decency into their kids. If these girls are representative of society God help us. Maybe we need Islam in order to wake us up to our stupidity.

Ah, excuse me runner, but in the past you used to call us "sluts and WHORES" not "hores".

Goodness. You may believe we're all going to hell in a handbasket, but that's no reason to let standards slip.

Meanwhile, this article appears to be saying that women these days are spoilt for choice, are always on the go, find it hard to know when to settle down. No sh!t, Sherlock. Are we really to believe the author spun this out to a phd? Well, thank god for Uni Tas, eh?

Thank you Nicholas for a well observed article. It seems that part of the problem is with our view of time. As your quote stated: “time is no more a river, but a collection of ponds and pools”. The moment is all we have. We are locked into the present, insulated from the past and in fear of the future. That is why experience has become such a big thing for us, it is all we have. Such a time locked existence is bound to be destructive of the human person, especially of our most intimate relationships.

It occurs to me that much Christian theology is concerned with the question of existence in time. For example, Pope Benedict XVI said the following about human reproduction: “The transmission of life is inscribed in nature and its laws remain as the unwritten norm to which everyone must refer. Every attempt to divert attention from this principle remains sterile and does not produce a future”. The sexual revolution has severed the connection between sex and reproduction and hence the production of a future. If sex is reduced to experience then of course a better experience might lie just around the corner, hence our being stuck in time.

The fundamental aspect of the God that Christians worship is that He is the “One who was and is and is to come”. The proper name of that God is Father, Son and Holy Spirit. This formula holds all time together and is the reason that we understand God as being eternal. Do away with this concept and of course we become shipwrecked on the shore of the present and there seems to be no rescue to hand.

But this does not only effect our intimate lives, it effects everything we do and is the acid that is presently corroding human flourishing

"Is this the last person I’ll ever have sex with? How can I know this so soon? What if I’m wrong, and I’m missing out on years of youth and (deleted) and experience out on my own."

Oh, so true - there might always be a "bigger bang moment". That single thought (the search for ecstasy) permeated my thoughts from teenagehood to my 50s. Although I strayed all over the highways and byways of philosophical and spiritual exploration, it was always the act of physical congress that gave the expression to these things in my mind. I am sure I am not alone.

So any comment to this blog would have to be a confessional, wouldn't it? And human nature being what it is, who amongst us going to justify their life's experience in less than glowing terms?

But having said that, I think that it's fine to contemplate the possibility of further adventures. The women with whom I cohabited in the past, moved on to have excellent adventures of their own. It was just a matrix of which I was only one thread. We still all treasure one another (it can't be denied) and our children grew up just fine. Maybe their lives were enriched - I'd like to think so.

I sometimes wonder if it would be possible to roll all of that learning into one relationship. Maybe there are lifelong couples who have the potential to grow so wise, but I'll never know, because I can't go back to the start with my accumulated experiences.

The great lesson I learned is never to be promiscuous while still in a relationship. You'll never find the ecstasy you seek unless you have been honest enough to sever the present relationship, and allow loneliness and sorrow to work their special alchemy upon one's grotty little soul. Only then can one be worthy of the time and respect of the next accidental "victim".

Any regrets? Of course. I wish I had loved them all a little more wisely.

- which is where we came in -

Nic.,

A correspondent is emulation aptly described by Thoresin Veble c. 1915-1919. Herein, the hoi polloi emulate the elect. Britain to balance its trade book, were aware the quaxi would help spread the use of Opium addiction [imported from the British colony of India]. The mass aborations in society, perhaps, have followership as an attribute. Self-confidence and individualism are important. Herein, secular liberal democracy is to be praised.

I could not find it in a Pych. dictionary but there is term like "liberace" [can't remember spelling exactly] which refers to peolpe whin in relationships are excited only by the fron-end of relationships. When things plateau or become more mundane the relationship breaks-down. These are peoole whom have three or marriages, and addicted to the courtship end rather than partnership-side of relationships. This seems true of the personality of several high profile entertainers and the Me generation. With latter I guess its a like step off a train onto the platform whilst the train is moving to fast, they might not fall but, stumble and to no progress smoothly.

Sells, before, you atttack me, note, there is a difference between self-intrest and individual as constucts.

The author said:

<<as “postmodern” men and women are forced to keep up with a culture that can’t keep still or hold its shape, a culture which - as Zygmunt Bauman, the poster boy of contemporary social theory, might say - is preoccupied with “moving on” and “letting go”.>>

I'd love to just say "I rest my case"... but that would be too easy :)

Can anyone deny the influence of existentialism in this attitude of "moving on"?

Can anyone deny that when such values permeate our society, the obvious outcome is instability, fractured relationships, selfishness and the moral equivalent of the old 'mouse traps and ping pong balls' chain reaction experiment.. all balls go off in different arbitrary directions? They collide with others.. causing more eruptions, etc...

"MIUAUG" is alive and well.. *preachhh bruthah....testifyyyy*

Yep.. we have reached a point of social degradation and moral disintegration for which the only solution is ....

Oliver, limmerance is nothing like Liberace at all for me. That is really funny. One is the sublime feeling of falling in love, the other a flamboyant old queen hammering away at the piano, going 'look at me,look at me'.

Runner “brainwashed by secular humanism are likely to be leaders in our nation.”

Ah yes, the “masses” will follow lawyers, students and check-out chicks to the ends of the earth.

As for “brain-washing” what alternative do you suggest, brainwashing by a paternalistic theocracy?
That’s been tried and ended up with witch burnings and inquisitions.

“Maybe we need Islam in order to wake us up to our stupidity.” You might.

I figure you would be easier to ignore if you wore a bhurka and had a husband or brother who slapped you around, maybe a honour killing would fix your problems (your own).

Vanilla the difference between a slut and a whore, whores do it for cash, sluts give it away from free and runner might possibly need to offer a fee.

Oliver “Liberace” usually comes up with a pillow biting piano player, now expired.

Darn it… palimpsest beat me to it

Love is something of the moment.

I love the woman I am with today. I have loved others in the past and some have loved me too.

However, a fatal flaw is to compare the love of one to the love of another.

It’s a bit like asking “was that the best you ever had?” – if you need to ask the question, the answer is in the negative.

the best thing about people is their individuality. Each is unique and many lovable simply for their imperfections.

Col Rouge writes
'Love is something of the moment.' You obviously confuse lust with love.God help kids who might have you loving them one moment and then dumping them the next.

Perfection does not exist we need to build a bridge and get over it.

To be honest I don't know what the author is trying to say. He seems to think that it is women that suffer from this wanderlust and in the stroke of a pen forgets about all the women that have been left for that 'big bang' moment by men. Not that there is anything inherently wrong with that - some people are not meant to be together and inevitably hearts will be broken.

Perhaps the problem is that we have become a society that expects too much of the ones we love. Perhaps women (given the article mainly targets women) now have more choices and are acting just like men always have now that we are liberated (tongue in cheek).

Are unrealistic expectations anything new? I remember as a child of the 60s being brainwashed into thinking that a man would sweep you up on his white horse and take you away to live happily ever after. Some of the imagery may have changed but the message is much the same.

Pelican

I am with you on this article. I too was bemused by the point the author was trying to make. That women can be as contrary and fickle as men? Given that Joy Division's song was a hit back in the 80's, I can only conclude that it has taken the author close to 30 years to figure that one out.

Yep men and women fall in love, get scared of commitment and hearts are broken all round; makes for 3 hankie movies and Mills & Boon bodice rippers.

The only thing I gained from this article was the photo of the author - you are a spunk and if what you are after is a bit of rebound comfort... no promises though...

Nic, Isn't this freedom of choice, girl power, pick and choose, move on if it stinks, what Feminism fought for?

Why is it that some of the most ardent Feminists are also miserably lonely people?

No, don't get me wrong. Feminism highlighted much of the institutional, legal and social discrimination against women but it also entrenched a false consciousness that women were and could be free just by adopting a radical feminist mind set. It was always going to be tougher road than this.

Hence they've become 'future speculators', whereby changing partners, jobs and careers is now considered "the norm", if not the desired rhetoric of cultural 'fashion'.

Some crash and burn around 35, and then worry about being able to have kids (not necessarily having a partner) around 40.

However, statistics suggest that there is a growing population of post 40 year old women who have made it, have no need for a man to keep them, have no children, and who are incredibly happy.

For women of low socio economic status the above choice is not as accessible.

So I don't think this can all be attributed to 'loooove'.

Rainier

Your post reads like a cut-and-paste from the ‘Femophobic’s Guide to the Backlash’ or ‘Anti-feminism for Dummies’.

‘Isn't this freedom of choice, girl power, pick and choose, move on if it stinks, what Feminism fought for?’

No … it wasn’t. And it still isn’t. You’re confusing feminism with tacky tampon commercials.

Really interesting, Nic. Are you implying that young people now are so mediainfluenced, their minds and culture are much like TV, rapid fire plot twists, superficial, cut to an ad, mmm yes, I'd like that, ooh, yes, ACA is right, don't like that sort of person, mmm feel like chocolate, ooh mobile's ringing, love my new dial tone, if that [expletive] is ringing up to apologize, etc. It would be phenomenal/ological to do a James Joyce rendition of the day in the mind of one of your subjects. [Likely read much like mine at that age. Very few of us are capable of the Buddhist "think before you think" at that age, if ever.]

As an old coot now, with children in the young 20's range, with heavy drinking, drug availability, suicide by motor vehicle or other deliberate means, normalised promiscuity, uncertainty about commitment to anything, in their immediate environment/culture, I truly worry about some life-affirming values that will get them through. My Dad did too. He freaked when I burned incense in the house. "You'll be on drugs next." So now I am in my father's position. I want my children to be sane, happy, fulfilled, safe, good people, "their own people" not clones of me. But the seeming stability of religious dogma put forward by a few commentators, you

cannot force people to believe. I generally feel the purpose of human life is human life: our fellow human beings, experience, knowledge, love and hurt, the whole show. It is good to wonder. To wonder about the purpose of it all, to wonder about religious explanations. Ultimately no-one KNOWS. It's called faith. No-one can force feed their faith on others like a pate goose, or fool them. The attempt leads to damage. That certainly tears us apart! I doubt if secular humanism is as guilty as religion across the centuries in inspiring people to hate and kill.

PS Is it ironic that the celebate pope is pushing sex and reproduction as the inviolate norm and saying any deviation from that "remains sterile and does not produce a future”?

No … it wasn’t. And it still isn’t. You’re confusing feminism with tacky tampon commercials.

Watch it! I've got hairy legs too!

runner ".God help kids who might have you loving them one moment and then dumping them the next."

Ah the only "kids" I love are my daughters and they are never dumped. we have a saying - how many times do I love you -

once, from the moment they were born, ongoing, eternal, never withheld, never negotiated.

I can understand your confusion, runner.

From the bitterness of most of your posts it is obvious "love" is an experience which has eluded you.

As for the women in my life, well they are grown ups, the rules are different, we have met, enjoyed the 'moment' and then moved on to new 'moments', all part of lifes rich tapestry (as the old KFC commericals used to go - "and its finger lickin' good").

the words "love will tear us apart" was it Ian Curtis way of referring to the love and dedication of his band is what will tear him away from his wife? Its not the love that he has for his wife but her obsession and love that that will lead them further apart. Maybe this is the bleeding obvious but i kinda want it to be confirmed...thanx

the words "love will tear us apart" is Ian Curtis referring to the love and dedication of his band is what will tear him away from his wife? Its not the love that he has for his wife but her obsession ad love that she has for him tears them further away from each other. Maybe this is the bleeding obvious but i kinda want it to be confirmed...thanx