I read the poem and I found it to be a realistic snapshot of what life can be for some...Child abuse whether perpetrated by male or female is an unforgivible act on any innocent child...The fact is that this poem is a viewpoint.....its not an attack on all men. If a man wrote the same poem exchanging he for she I would assume he would perhaps get backlashing from the opposite gender too?
I believe the point Dr McInnes makes is that the laws that are put into place are failing us. Nobody wants to see children abused, and made to be with their perpetrator but told they must because its law....Why should the perpetrator have any rights to their child when they have comitted such a crime against them?
We need to always have feedback and discussion and the freedom to express our opinion. Thats how we are then able to work towards creating the right laws that do protect the right person . In this case the child who unfortunately more often than not wears the brunt as a result of people who put themselves above their childrens basic human rights.

Whether children are cousins, sisters. brothers, sons, daughters etc, they will probably grow up to be adults.

Many will then become 'parents'. Many will then use what they learned as they grew up to model what they will avoid, and the ones of concern to me will repeat the sins of their experience by victimising others. Others will choose to abuse because they can.

Girls grow up, boys grow up. My mum and dad used to discuss the differences in being mum, to being dad. He was envious of the experience of pregnancy, and acknowledged his feelings to us must be different because mum did the mothering and he mostly waited til we grew and he could kick and throw things with us. My sister was quite boyish but became a great mum and aunty. The boys became good dads. Our parents didn't abuse by the standards then, but would be too tough by today's standards.

And yet there was sexual abuse. An uncle, my father's brother. He was a child once, brought up with dad yet he chose to abused boys, and his own kids. He went to jail. There were many other victims. I never heard of any sexual abuse by any of the women in that family - but perhaps we were just 'lucky'.

Not all abused children grow into abusive adults. Is there any chance the issue of how to help whatever child is abused, by whomever (including but not restricted to natural parents) could be seen to be part of the discussion.

Is there any chance the actual experiences of real people - men, women and children suffering from apalling sytems abuse on top of physical, mental and sexual abuse can be discussed with a view to progressing the issue?

If not, I guess i'll just move on, again.

ruby1, well reasoned and well argued. You certainly won't get any argument from me over your expressions of opinion, which I believe are coming from a good place.

So, taking it a bit further, I'll ask some questions.

Child abuse, sexual or otherwise is a very serious matter. Where there are allegations of abuse, then it should be treated with the utmost seriousness by everybody. But it seemingly is not. Seemingly, for I have had no personal experience of Family Court (FC), allegations, emanating from mothers, or their counsel, against fathers are rife. So why is it that FC judges, clerks of the court, whoever, don't bring these criminal acts to the attention of the law?

If they do, then why does the law not act upon them and bring the alleged perpetrators to justice?

If the law is acting and bringing these alleged perpetrators to justice, why is it that I don't hear of these things in the media?

If perpetrators are being dealt with by the judiciary properly, as they should, then there should be hundreds of these cases attracting great media attention and public outcry. But apart from rants like this from McInnes and her advocacy chums, there doesn't seem to be any. Why not?

Now some answers. I figure that the issue of child abuse is most probably blown out of all proportion by the "abuse" industry who make their living through it and secondly, I don't think judges and the like believe these allegations made in FC and dismiss them. And if that IS the case, another question, why aren't the false accusers subjected to criminal action for perjury?

Until these anomalies are investigated, made transparent for the public and myself to see, I just can't believe the claims by McInnes.

And why isn't she calling for the very same things I've just outlined?

There's something wrong going on here and frankly I do not believe the claims made by McInnes have any credibility whatsoever.

Relda “then every effort should be biased strongly in support of the family.”

Disagree Relda, there is no worse place for bringing up children than a household effected by a war of attrition between the two parents.

The “family” was fragmented and broken before the parents got to seeking divorce. Divorce is, in fact, the recognition that what was supposed to be a "family" has not worked and change is inevitable.

I sincerely believe that children are best served by having an ongoing and nurturing relationship with two separated parents, than being traumatized by close and continuous exposure to parental dysfunction due to the stress of two adults pretending there is anything “beneficial” to be gained in pursuing a loveless marriage.

What is Best for the children is for them to know and interact fully with both parents and for both parents to put aside there differences for the benefit of their children.

For such a scenario to have best chances of success, the family law court, the CSA and every other organization and institution involved needs to accept the EQUAL responsibility, authority and necessity of both parents in the role of bringing up their children.

Dear Cornflower.
I have never been remotely PC and gender-blind works for me.
Its a simple concept really, he sees the people around him as people. He doesn't do that thing that some men do of getting nervous and self concious (and lame and naff) when in a room with a majority of women. He simply neither notices or cares, they are individuals just as a room full of men would be. That's why I married him and that's why he is such an outstanding father of daughters. He has no prescriptive role for them, no idea of what they should or should not aspire to. They can take "headship" over a man any time they want to as far as he is concerned. Indeed, I suspect he'd insist on it, and he will support them in their ambitions and desires as he has supported me; their difficult, argumentative and unconventional mother.
He has nothing to prove, and the idea of hitting someone is utterly foreign to him. Interestingly, his father identified as gay, perhaps there was something fundamentally liberating in that as far as rigid gender roles are concerned.

Col wonderfully put. A marriage holding together but loveless and conflict ridden is not a good place for kids to grow up. Torn between parents engaged in an unnecessary ongoing brawl to divide up the assets, the kids and one parties income is an unhealthy place for kids to grow up.

A loving family with both parents committed to each other and the family is the best place for kids, if they can't have that give them two parents who love them and who work together to raise them.

We need to work towards a system that minimises the incentives for ongoing conflict.
- Make sure property is not the spoils of a successful residency grab by means fair or foul.
- Make it more attractive for parents to share the care of kids.
- Keep divorced parents out of each others pay packets.
- Investigate allegations of abuse seriously and deal with them appropriately.

relda, Patricia Pearson makes a similar point. The misrepresentation of female violence is hurting women who want to be taken seriously. The ongoing portrayal of women as somehow unable to make responsible decisions or as less able to control their actions because of emotional issues harms the woman who wants equality in opportunity and responsibility.

happy, "It is clear that family violence is overwhelmingly gendered i.e. men are the largest group of perpetrators. Domestic violence and child abuse go hand in hand.". No it is not clear.

What is clear is that some groups deliberately and systematically misrepresent the issue for their own purposes. A range of studies done outside of the traditional advocacy framework have shown that DV is not particularly genderised. The only part that may be significantly genderised is the level of serious injury (not overwhelmingly so).

I've posted links to the Child Abuse Trust website, Steve Maddon posted a relevant section of it. Look at who does the substantiated abuse and neglect and tell me how child abuse is overwhelmingly genderised.

You might also try the following on DV and tell me where they got it wrong http://www.fact.on.ca/Info/dom/heady99.htm

Robert