Mark,
What most women do today and, indeed, I have done myself is work while young, take time out to care for their kids (I spent 5 years at home freelancing while my kids were small) then return to work either full time or part time.
40 years ago many women were locked out of work once they had kids and found themselves bored and frustrated with time on their hands once their kids no longer required their full attention.
Sure some women like being full time wives and mothers, just as some men may like being full time husbands and fathers, and that's fine, as long as it is freely chosen -not compelled, either by social or personal pressure.
But some women want to air force pilots, or brain surgeons or small business operators or uni lecturers, just as some men do, and what on earth is wrong with that? If you have a daughter who grows up with dreams and ambitions will you forbid her from following them, just tacitly disapprove or will you give her your full and wholehearted support? Could you even, as you would for an ambitious and focussed son, be proud of her? As proud as you would be if she chose a more conventional role? Could you be proud of a son who preferred to spend time caring for his children than making his way in the wider world, or would you feel a sense of something lacking? Sounds like your children are still small, maybe you think you'll never face these questions and maybe you won't, but what if you do?

Enaj, your view is that what matters is not so much what we choose, as that it's freely chosen. This view rests upon a radical abandonment of the idea of transcendent goods - in other words, there is a denial of the reality of "goods" existing independently of what I choose or desire for myself.

So it's going to be difficult for you to understand my answer to your last post. It is my role as a parent to guide my children to the more significant "goods" in life. I don't believe a man can even begin to approach such goods, without cultivating a strong sense of his own masculinity.

Therefore, I would certainly be disappointed if my son were to adopt a more feminine homemaker and mothering role within a family.

Similarly, I would not approve of a daughter placing herself in a position in which she would inevitably be masculinised - such as being an airforce pilot. I would want a daughter to be, above all, truly lovely - rather than to train to kill or to steel herself for a violent death in war.

Huh. Well, M.R. I think that's really sad. I always imagined that the role of parents was to support and encourage their children to be the best at whatever they wanted, whether that fitted in with traditional gender roles or not.

And while your wife's mother's group may be dominated by 'traditional' style families, I must confess that I only know one such marriage in all of my friends and family's network. That family (one set of my cousins) seems happy, but no more so than another set of cousins where the woman is the primary breadwinner and the man is the main carer of the kiddies. Its different strokes for different folks, and what set of genetalia you were born with should not dicate how your family/couple's power sharing, influence, finances, work distribution, etc, should be orgainised.

If power is how you define one’s masculinity, then I’m all for being less masculine.

Personally, I define my masculinity by the genitals between my legs. The rest of the definition of me relies on my character as a person – behaviour under pressure, thoughtfulness towards others and desire to leave something good when I pass.

If you require some sense of power to achieve masculinity then I would suggest you have a few personal issues to deal with.

Laurie,
Just how do parents "encourage their children to be the best at whatever they wanted . . ."
Just how do they do that?
First they act as roles models, so parents encourage each other.
That is the starting point to encourage their children.
Why are marrages breaking down.
Bec ause husband and wife and wife and husband are competing AGAINST each other instead of supporting each other.
First they must support each other to "encourage their children to be the best at what ever they wanted . . ."
That means the wife must support her husband in being the best husband and the husband must support the wife in being the best wife.
And that means instead of watching TV, they should be rooting like rabbits and that raises confidence. The reverse is the case. Headaches everywhere for the husband and wife and everyone gets cold and frigid.
The kids should be saying "hey where are mum and dad". They other one says "oh they are in the bedroom again."

Citizen wrote:
Since then i have been battling to get back into a real job with a Mr Mum cv. I drive a delivery truck and clean offices. How do you think it feels when I have to deal with affirmative action and the women's network (nepotism) even when the women who have an institutionalised advantage over me already have a well paid husband?

A man without a job, or a low pay, low status job, is condemned to a lonely life and has no power to choose because rich men don't give a damn about him and politicians have been intimidated into doing whatever the Women's Electoral Lobby etc dictate. It must be just ducky enjoying the fruits of woman's empowerment but spare a thought for the human refuse which has been one result of it.

My reply:
Poor little you. There are many women in your position - desperately trying to get a job with a Miss Mum CV. None of them have advantage over you as you suggest, job hunting is hard and companies do not want to give jobs to women likely to be taking a lot of time off with kids - so they are often forced into a part time work position. It is ludicrous to suggest that these women have a 'well paid husband', when many if not most of them are scraping by on minimal wages and boring work choices like yourself.

The day politicians are intimidated into doing everything the Womens Electorial lobby want will be the day pigs fly. Every battle for the improvement of the position of women is hard won and generally justified, correcting blatent discrimination.

Perhaps you are your own worst enemy, needing to get a bit more training and learn to get yourself ahead in life as do the rest of us, instead of trying to stand on the heads of hard working women to get a little leverage.