Timkins, being a part time single dad myself I have some interest in the topic. I have not seen a lot of serious research on outcomes for kids in single parent families related to the gender of the carer. Whilst we are a growing group there have not been a lot of male led single parent led households around. On the substantiated child abuse stats kids appear to marginely better off in the single parent male led household than a single parent female led household but I suspect that some of the diference could be put down to how difficult it is for a dad to have substantial residency of his kids. The abusers are very rarely going to get residency.

We need a fairer system when families do breakdown. We need the kind of common sense in the system that does not reward the person who moves to a different area or aleniates the kids from the other parent with more residency and money.

We also need to move past the stage where such a high proportion of families are breaking down. That means changes for both men and women. We may need different expectations for long term relationships and roles within the relationship. We need less politics and more honesty when dealing with issues like child abuse and family violence. We need fairer outcomes when families do breakdown which relate more to the role individuals have played.

We need to find a way past the battle and move on to healthy partnerships founded and grown with love.

Paternity can be a heartache when it is used against you, it can and should be one of our greatest joys. Loving and nurturing a child as they grow is not to be missed.

Robert,
There are various reports and statistics into single or custodial fathers at http://www.scfn.org/

For children:- it appears that marriage is best, followed by single male parent households, followed by single female parent households.

There is the adage that “fathers give children their childhood”, but feminism has given children not much more than abortion, poverty, welfare, divorce, abuse, loss of their gender identity etc.

The article by Daniel basically stipulates that men must commit themselves to women, but the past 30yrs should be reason enough for men to learn that they should never be placing themselves into a position where they can be manipulated or exploited by women, or become dependant on women for anything, and this includes parenting children. A father has to be prepared to become a single father parent at any time.

If a man is uncertain about a woman he should stay well away, and men should be further investigating single male parenting, as it is better for children than feminism and single female parenting.

After 30 yrs of feminism, the marriage rate is at a record low, and marriage may never be reinstated or resurrected enough. So the next best option for society is to progress single male parent families.

Timkins, dispite the pain that I am going thru I still have not given up hope in two parent families or in love.

I am hoping that the current crisis is a transition thing for society. That we will work our way through it and come out the otherside with new tools and understanding which give couples a better chance of making a sucess of long term relationships.

That may take a while.

Right now I think a lot of men don't know what is expected of them. Some still hold to the idea of being the head of the house (I wonder if that was really ever the way it worked), other like myself wanted a partner and got something sadly different. Expectations are changing for us and we need to address those changes.

I also think that a lot of women are still coming to grips (or failing to do so) with accepting the responsibility that comes with the changed roles. If someone else is not the head then the buck stops with you. Many appear to place a high priority on a man's wealth when considering him as a partner and yet expect the man to be at home and not at work when needed.

We do need big fixes to Family Law and welfare so that the genuinely needy are helped but those who insist on creating their own hardships wear the consequences of doing so.

Single parent male lead households are better than some of the alternatives but I think that if they occurred as frequently as the female lead variety we would see little difference in outcomes.

There are things my former wife brings to my son's life which I cannot, just as there are things I bring to his life which she cannot. If at all possible kids need two parents actively involved in their lives, rather than focussing on creating more single parent families lets put our energy into keeping both parents in kids lives.

Mums and dads are both needed in kids lives.

Lovely post RObert, don't give up hope. I have found someone who treats me as his equal, loves me loves my kids (which is a real challenge given that they are teenagers).

I too, see marriage/relationships as a partnership between two equals working towards the same ideal and growing together. This is not easy. I do not look towards my partner for leadership but I do ask his opinion - whether I follow it or not is my choice. I don't understand the type of women who want men to support them financially - I am too independent to tolerate that lifestyle. I think those women are becoming dinosaurs just as men who always want to be in control are a dying breed. Change is painful, however, the fact that men are questioning their roles and identity is a positive step towards achieving emancipation.

Regards

Robert,
I too hope that the marriage rate increases, but I think the chances are rather slim. Marriage has now lost nearly all meaning.

To a Family Court judge, a marriage certificate is just a piece of paper, and they will not regard a married couple as having any more priority or relevance than a couple in a de facto relationship (even though de facto relationships are generally far worse than married relationships).

I don’t think that cultural change alone will bring about a significant increase in the marriage rate, and of course blaming men is not going to help much either, as quite often men are just being used as scapegoats.

If there is to be an increase in marriage there has to be something tangible. There has to be changes to law, and government has to develop programs to help strengthen marriage, but I don’t see either happening because too many people in government are too afraid of the feminists. There were pro marriage programs advocated by government in the US, and feminists attacked those programs wholesale, and I see no real signs that feminists have become pro marriage.

So there is a great probability that law and government will not change much, but men have to reinstate themselves back into family. Nearly 1 in 4 families are now single parent families, (a major increase from 1 in 17 in 1971) and 90% of single parent families are headed by women, (although feminist of course don’t see this as gender inequality). If men don’t start to reinstate themselves back into families then men have no future.

If a marriages fails, the father has to do all he can to get 50/50, or his children will not have a father. If a man cannot find a woman who wants a real family and does not think of him as being a paypacket, then he should be perusing other options for fatherhood. This can be adoption, or in the future it can be the artificial womb. There aren’t too many other options for many men or for society.

There are so many people throwing fuel and fire crackers into the relationship fire these days, that many men and women dont like to sit too close to it. And it has nothing to do with fear of committing to the furnace. It has to do with the fact that we KNOW that it WILL go bang from time to time. Plenty of people are walking around with second and third degree burns.

Its not fear. Its a pragmatic and grown up assessment of risk versus reward. An assessment that is natural to humans and essential to survival.

The idea that people avoid relationships/marriage due to fear is very patronising, condascending, arrogant and pretentious. Our minds wont be changed by talking to us like little children. In fact the more condascending, then the more we dig in our heels and ignore the know-it-alls.

Maybe traditionalists and family fascists just cant bear to see some of us thinking for ourselves and making our own choices. It keeps them up at nights, writing sanctimonious articles. Ah the sheer horror of defining ourselvew according to our own convictions. What will the politicians and media hacks do and say if we dont follow their dictates from craddle to grave?