A few absoloutely choice cuts from the book

Page 14

“He’s not into you”
Dear Greg
I have a crush on my gardener. It was hot. I saw him without his shirt on.. I bought out some beers and we talked. I think he wants to ask me out but is afraid because he is my hired man..

Can’t I ask him out.
Cherie

Greg’s Answer
He’s capable of asking you out. Haven’t you ever seen a porno? Hope he gets there before the pizza guy.

But seriously, if he didn’t pick up the vibe after the beer garden it has nothing to do with you being hi s boss lady. Time to stop and smell the bad news.

He’s not into you

The right answer.
Dear Cherie,
When the girls moan to me about man shortages I promptly ask them, “Would you date a man who made two thousand a year less than you, or was two years younger , or was two inches shorter than you?

The usual replay is “Of course not” followed by a melodramatic tantrum when I point out that half of these girls have just turned down a date with Tom Cruise. He’s a little guy.
He’s not wasting his time with you because he “knows” that you wont date him because you make more money than him.
End of story!

His story anyway.

Your serving refreshment means nothing. Most companies provide morning coffee for their workers and a great many provide their execs with liquor allowances. It’s not an invitation to sex.

As for Greg’s idea of not “picking up the vibe” well……..

Your pigs are clear for take off.

The girl who gives off the hottest vibes, around our office, is a lovely, beautiful vivacious, mid aged, very happily married woman who has a large ring on her finger and pictures of her husband and kids on her desk.

She regularly has to politely knock back guys who have read the vibes wrong.
Forget about “vibes” That’s an old spinsters myth. Cave man invented language because “vibes” where a totally unreliable form of communication. You want to date him. You ask him.In plain English.

And if he says yes it means yes and if he says no it means no. Now let me clarify that last one for the sake of your fragile ego. No means no! You’ve heard it a thousand times from the anti rape crusades but you still fail to appreciate it. If he says “no” it doesn’t’ mean “You are a hopeless case who isn’t worth dating” It means “No I don’t’ want to date you” Any reason for the “no” is his business.
And often there is no reason. Tell me this, Do you always dish out a reason for knocking back a guy?