I read Amanda's article with interest and saw in it all the heigtened anticipation of things to come (which is great). I am 40 and am always curious about what the younger generations think and feel and felt compelled to respond to Amanda's article. And far be it that I would want to tell 20-somethings what to do.... However, the only thing that concerns me is that it excludes the desire for self-development and that is what our generation has not delivered to you in a tangible way. Just remember amidst all your yearning for a satisfactory career and marriage (with the compromises that are required - because you cant have it all at the same time until corporates become sympathectic to the impact of children on women and until we enable men in our society and stop acting as surrogate mothers in our marriages) that you include a sizeable portion of your twenties to dedicating time in understanding yourself. Careers and marriage do provide pieces to this puzzle but it frustrates me that we dont have more social commentary about the learning that is required to understand yourself. If this was in place the fallout that your generation sees in society's views on marriage and relationships in general would have been translated and our concern would be focused not on these external factors but more on the human condition.

Marriage is evil. Marriage is a form of social control that allows men to 'own' their WIVES. Men can also own cows, farms, camels and empires as well as a few wives. Marriage allows women to secure their financial status in an unequal society. Marriage allowed one king to form a peace pact with another king. One would marry of his daughter to a rival kingdom. (Most times this did not work).

Marriage is used by religion to oppress free sexual will and to discriminate against sexual minorities. In many cultures (not trying to stereo-type any group here, this applies to every man in every culture), domestic violence within marriage is "ok" (or at least hidden and taboo to talk about).

As more people move towards being conservative in an insecure world. (The world was never secure to begin with). They head towards marriage for security (or at least ignorance). Yet the ones who do/help the most for the world's poor are not married, they do not have children.

Marriage can help you forget about over population, environment problems, third world debts, etc as well as the normal daily trival grind. Yet the baby boomers were right in challenging our social norms such as marriage. (Been a racist was once normal as well).

Yes, I have seen many people become happier because they got married. Yes, I have also seen alot of people get unstruck (some tragic stories here). I would rather serve the world than just a wife. Have the world's children than just a few brats of my own. Life is not linear, so if many people say marriage is bad, then it is their right to hold that opinion and they have the evidence to back that statement up.

I think the way that you approach marriage reflects the way in which you approach the social world. People do not understand my decision to live with but not marry my long term partner because they choose to believe that our political passions are amusing footnotes that we like to discuss at dinner parties rather than a way we define ourselves and try to live our lives.

Marriage is a legal contract. I cannot think of anything less romantic than having to have the state involved in my relationship in order to enhance how committed we feel. I do not want to feel as though when times are bad between my partner and I that we work our issues out 'for the sake of the marriage' (read: sake of the contract). We work it out because we are in love and will always be happier together than apart. I don't think that the state should have any part in this most intimate of relationships at all - I think they have enough control already.

To assume that marriage is everyone’s innermost desire completely ignores any of the debates people have been putting before you. It seems that you have been interpreting everything that you have read with your own personal philosophy of life as the filter. When women, such as myself, say that we really do not desire a piece of paper to validate our relationship we mean it.

Secondly, I want stress that while I believe everyone wants genuine companionship this is not always in the form of a one on one connection. This can be found through friendship, family, community groups. There is too much stress for people to feel that they can only be happy when they find that ‘one’ person, sometimes forgetting to appreciate the other bonds that they share with those close to them. Or worse, stick it out with a bad relationship when it is completely suffocating them.

I really had hoped that we had developed out of these same old arguments of ‘this is what we all want’. All of the social experimentation of the last 40 years came from deep dissatisfaction from this simplistic and alienating approach.

Well said, Suse and clara.

The idea that attitudes to marriage or relationships have changed much is a fallacy.

Marriages or relationships work or not as they always have, depending on the attitudes of the people involved in them. To say that young people today want marriage is reflective only of a small slice of society in a country with a small population.

It is presumptuous to speak for all others as though the people Amanada knows are typical of her generation as a whole. Most people have friends who have a generally similar outlook on life, so obviously her friends will want similar things that she does as they most likely come from a similar socio-economic background.

I am 30 and about 2/3 of my friends are married already but I am sure there are those that will not. A certain percentage of my parents' generation never married or married then divorced. My great-grandmother ran off with her lover and moved to Australia because divorce wasn't available to her, but the fact is she still left him and created a life seperate to him. A certain percentage of her generation did the same sort of thing, or never married in the first place.

The majority of people will get married, or want to. That is nothing new, and hasn't changed. I doubt that the number ot these marriages which fail has even got up much, it is more that people talk about it more now. As long as people are happy, who cares?

Teenage girls just want to marry and stay home http://observer.guardian.co.uk/uk_news/story/0,6903,1066298,00.html