The big question is: why do a few people of both sexes get themselves into situations that most people do not.

most people do not.
ttbn,
My guess is that "most people' don't have the mentality to suffer so much pain that they take that final step !

Divorce is a tough gig for men and tougher for them than women. This is what all the research tells us.

Part of this problem lies at the feet of adversarial lawyers whipping up their clients rage as a means to extract maximum results for the ladies and practice fees? Regardless of the emotional harm done to the men or their former partners.

Most divorced dads have disappeared from the scene in three years due to the harmful emotional stress that they need to endure by staying around. As one of the 10% that stayed, I wish now that I was one of those who left and started life anew. But for my religious beliefs would have ended my life long ago! And to avoid the ongoing temptation to still do it, sold my guns a long time ago.

Even so, never missed my kids birthdays, Christmas or graduations even with bandaids on a broken heart! Never allowed them to see my pain!

Now 78 and a long time brain cancer survivor trying to soldier on with a fractured hip and refractured spine and a serious heart condition I'm left to my own to care for my needs at home.

A nursing home would end my will to live given the inhumane conditions that prevail in too many of those (gulags for old folk) homes.

Today I receive more help from strangers than my " family" So, if you are going through a messy soul destroying divorce? Take my advice, move on and start anew! It'll hurt but less painful than my choice.
Alan B.

Alan B

I’m into manufacturing violins. Most are ear-marked for flotsam and jetsam arriving on our shores from failed American wars, and to be played as a welcome around the shore line of this country, (I think some people still call it Australia, but by name alone)!
But by your account above, you almost qualify.

Dan

Thanks Dan. Me on a violin? Well only if you want all the cats in the neighbourhood to join in an unholy meowl? Although I've always fancied a bit of a fiddle. On the roof. My mother was quite musical and used to play piano by ear. Her cauliflower ears, testament to her unusual skill.
Alan B.

Hey Bettina,

- and ttbn
"The big question is: why do a few people of both sexes get themselves into situations that most people do not."

- and Alan B.
"Most divorced dads have disappeared from the scene in three years due to the harmful emotional stress that they need to endure by staying around. As one of the 10% that stayed, I wish now that I was one of those who left and started life anew."

I wonder if there's any correlation here with this information and statistics listed below.

http://fathers.com/statistics-and-research/the-extent-of-fatherlessness/

"More than 20 million children live in a home without the physical presence of a father. Millions more have dads who are physically present, but emotionally absent. If it were classified as a disease, fatherlessness would be an epidemic worthy of attention as a national emergency."

Look at the statistics:
http://www.rochesterareafatherhoodnetwork.org/statistics

AC.

Your similarities towards AB are stark.

Your a fearful person.

And you should fear. For it is not China or Russia the enemy, but ourselves.

Poor old AB, looking for love and understanding; recognition in a ruthless world of greed; and crying for that recognition through the pages of OLO, as though OLO were a person to offer a hand and satisfy the search for that necessity of love and understanding.

But double woe, I offer him a violin to accompany his grief, which he attributes to the evil hand of others, but the offer of love is rejected!

Chip away with him AC.

Dan

Hey diver dan,
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm a fearful person;
The only reason I posted what I did was because I know all too well the consequences of that which I posted.

I grew up an only child and my mum and dad broke up when I was little,
Which was no particular big deal, as many kids go through this.
But it was only when my dad found someone new that he shot through,
- And to add insult to injury, he failed to recognise I was impacted by this in any way,
- Which lead to me becoming a dysfunctional kid with an 'I don't care' attitude.
This put me at odds with my mum, and it was all she could to beat me every other day (back in the 70's)
- To try to control that 'I don't care' attitude and behavior all through primary school.
So the end result - I was at odds with both of my parents growing up.
Besides trouble at home, I got in trouble at school, got into drugs and trouble with the law in my teens...
- And that's about all I'm willing to say about it.

Alan B. says he wishes he had've shot through as well and started a new life.

As far as parenting goes:
What I learned is that it's a parents job to ensure their kids physical and emotional wellbeing,
- And if you fail to do this, you fail your kids.

I'm not trying to claim victimhood:
I just understand and recognise that actions have consequences.
Living through this situation as a kid, my only advice is this:
- Always be on the same page as your kids, and always have their best interests.

My heart goes out to anyone who's been through a relationship
breakdown. I imagine that a relationship breakdown would
be one of the toughest experiences anyone can have.

I've never experienced this - and if it was to happen to me
I think it would be important to keep myself and my children
safe and healthy. I think it would be tempting to want to
try to hold onto someone who doesn't want to hold onto me
but it takes two to make a relationship work. So I would
try to give myself plenty of time and make every attempt
to move on for the sake of my kids.

All I could do is take it one day at a time and some days
will probably be worse than others. Hopefully with time
things will get better.

I know that I would not give up.

AC

The KISS theory follows that “ bread always falls on the buttered side down”.

The added burden of childhood trauma is the powerlessness of the child to control their environment: Therefore, childhood trauma is invariably the most debilitating, with long term negative outcomes.

The simplest method for a suitably motivated politic to ameliorate the huge coat to society overall, from a product of mismanaged parenting, is to support all parents with stable and acceptable (to a good standard), their housing needs.

The current debacle of the housing market “ left to its own devices”, is actually a housing market which has no interest in social outcomes at all: It’s currently a social catastrophe.

The reason for this situation, hasn’t improved one zot further than it demonstrated its catastrophic failure to society, in the 2009 GFC. Wall Street!

Everyone except the culprits pay the price: And those struggling on the bottom rungs of the economy, viz, particularly single mothers, abandoned by not only irresponsible partners, but the Political establishment most ably to fix the problem, look the other way from it, deliberately I suggest.

The outcomes are shattered children, soon to become shattered adults.

Dan

Well, I'm just glad so far that none of you has given me any curry for talking about my childhood.
I've never shared too much about myself in all the years I've been a member here.

And for that (not giving me grief about things I had no control of) I thank you.

I only shared it, because I thought it may have some bearing on the discussion.

You all know that pretty much any other time I comment seriously, I try to provide good solutions going forward, as I have done promoting better ideas for our society, such as I did recently with the Boxabl Casita.

The Boxabl Casita | Fully Furnished House In A Box | A House That Can Be Folded Into A Box
http://youtu.be/yCOgMYuKv2o

And ideas to build a system of double dole for full time work helping the government save money, (the job you have when you don't have a job) of which large factories in every state could build homes on production lines such as these.

I'd be happy to live in a home like this, and land is something we're not short of.

thanks again for not giving me beans.

Hi Armchair Critic,

Feel free to share whatever you want.
I for one appreciate your sharing.

That's one of the things that I like about
this forum - most people are not judgemental
and often give sound advice which helps.
At least it helped me in my times of stress
and difficulty.

AC

I liked your link to the factory housing.
The negative side to them is, as I see, the plunder of them by the wealthy land owners to employ them as renters in back yards, to further extort rents from those least unable to afford them.

The concept will only serve to further impoverish the younger generation and the usual marginal fringes who are normally excluded from a meaningful place in society, and given a role as rent slaves, shoring up property investors profits.
The resentment towards those ends is not hard to unearth.

More than any one thing, the housing and rental market, is totally changing the face of our society here in Australia, as elsewhere in the free (sic) world.

There were times in Medieval History, when urbanisation reversed itself; often due to famines and wars: but that reversal achieved the aims of rural production geared towards immediate survival.

The alternative today to that phenomena is observable in people tramping aimlessly in vehicles with nowhere to call home. Homeless!
The romance of this lifestyle soon loses its gloss as reality exposes the real intent of wandering aimlessly as an alternative to playing a meaningful role in society from a fixed abode. A life as an outcast!

Easy it is to conclude on the dangers to such people and their mental health prospects.
And now the circle is complete, starting from my post above. Unless there is stability for young families secure in long term affordable housing, there can only be socially dislocated children as reward.

Dan

I think the only people who can be taken seriously in talking about male suicide is women, men are ignored. I find that both interesting and disturbing.