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The Forum > Article Comments > Gay domestic violence: the hatred that dare not speak its name > Comments

Gay domestic violence: the hatred that dare not speak its name : Comments

By Ben-Peter Terpstra, published 22/7/2014

After all, physical and emotional female-on-female violence is problematic for campaigning journalists bent on portraying domestic violence as a symptom of patriarchy.

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Incommunicado "t may even be thought that it is unmanly for a husband to ever complain about his wife’s constant nagging, put-downs and insults."

Really?
Lol! There must be a lot of 'unmanly husbands' about the world then.
Violence is violence...no matter what the gender.
Posted by Suseonline, Wednesday, 23 July 2014 9:53:19 AM
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suseonline: Lol! There must be a lot of 'unmanly husbands' about the world then.

Yes Suseonline, there are. No man wants to look like a fool in front of his mates. Yes, I know it's called Pride. Unfortunately it happens more than anyone cares to admit. That was the result of a Study on Female to Male violence done in the 70's. The Female Lobby Groups had the Groups Funding cut off after the preliminary finding so the full Study could not go ahead. More Controlling behaviour (violence) by Women.

Another, There are lots of tongue-in-cheek jokes about this subject. I get them all the time. At least one a day. Unfortunately they are too true.

Violence is violence...no matter what the gender.

Agreed.
Posted by Jayb, Wednesday, 23 July 2014 10:14:05 AM
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@Wolly B, Wednesday, 23 July 2014 6:13:27 AM

In Qld and one might assume in other jurisdictions the definition applied in the interrogations was that DV can be physical or mental and the questions were framed to suit.

It is another case where the ends justified the means and policy had no regard for obtaining prior informed consent to the interrogation. One wonder why not where emphasis in the delivery of medical services and treatment is on ensuring personal privacy (Privacy Principles are relevant, the use of information gained for instance) and informed consent prior.

The interrogation, which I assume is still being done, was intended to be automatically applied where women attended a GP, midwife, hospital and maybe other contacts with service providers. Apparently where the woman did not volunteer any comment as a result that could be interpreted as DV (a wide definition as noted earlier) she was to be issued with a card with DV contacts and encouraging her to report in the future.

There are other deficiencies, some examples being that the midwives and others did not receive suitable training; there is uncertainty what action/referral was made or followed-up where a report was recorded; and there was no investigative process or QA to ensure the truth and correctness of the report (what about the partner accused and presumably recorded in notes?). It is not known how multiple reporting from the same or different providers affected the statistics.

The system assumed that men are offenders and women the victims. The definition of DV was broad and not limited to physical harm. As well, it is fair to assume from the intent and design of the system, the briefing of the interrogators for example, that lesbian mental and physical violence would not be reported and nor of course would mental and physical abuse of men (regardless of the gender of the offender).

A cynic might say that the reporting system was self-serving for public bureaucrats and professionals who earned their daily bread advocating and making DV policy. Where is the independent review?
Posted by onthebeach, Wednesday, 23 July 2014 1:42:51 PM
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onthebeach,

If one person in a couple is being subjected to emotional or physical abuse from the other person, then certainly they should be keeping a diary of that abuse, and/or attempting to record it on camera or sound recorder (and there are mobile apps for this).

Considering the health implications found in the Denmark study, nagging from a wife can take 10 years off the husband’s life.

http://jech.bmj.com/content/68/8/720.abstract?sid=c9791b8d-75bd-4d10-9400-d813b5e31aa2

This is a serious health issue, and being subject to prolonged nagging may be just as injurious to health as something such as exposure to asbestos or passive smoking.

With enough recorded evidence, the husband should be able to have his wife charged or taken before a magistrate, and there is an interesting case regards that here.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2594213/Shes-Wife-given-Asbo-nagged-husband-loudly-fined-launching-45-minute-rant-buying-wrong-type-scratchcard.html

If the husband becomes divorced or leaves the wife after she has been charged, he should be able to sue his ex-wife for damage to his health, and seek compensation money from her.

That would be fair enough all round, and in fact, I have known people to carry out litigation for a lot less.
Posted by Incomuicardo, Wednesday, 23 July 2014 7:00:21 PM
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JayB, many of the men I know constantly complain about their nagging wives, but whether it is considered 'domestic violence' or not is certainly a contentious issue.

Any sort of domestic violence, whether it be physical or mental, is certainly awful.
However, I think we can try and deal with the awful physical violence out there and try and stamp that put before trying to tackle the much harder to prove mental or financial domestic violence out there.

Too often, some groups in society want to try and skate over the physical abuse by suggesting the victim 'deserved it' because they were 'naggers' or 'lippy' or just wouldn't do as they were told.
If you bash someone, YOU are the violent one, not the victim who spoke words you didn't like.
Posted by Suseonline, Wednesday, 23 July 2014 7:59:31 PM
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Posted by Incomuicardo, Wednesday, 23 July 2014 8:49:22 AM

Thank you.

Erin Pizzey wrote about how some women refuse to recognise their own aggression, I think she wrote about this in Prone to Violence.

<However, I think we can try and deal with the awful physical violence out there and try and <stamp that put before trying to tackle the much harder to prove mental or financial domestic <violence out there.

<Too often, some groups in society want to try and skate over the physical abuse by <suggesting the victim 'deserved it' because they were 'naggers' or 'lippy' or just wouldn't do <as they were told.
<If you bash someone, YOU are the violent one, not the victim who spoke words you didn't <like.
<Posted by Suseonline, Wednesday, 23 July 2014 7:59:31 PM

How do you suggest we do that?

Would it not be better to prevent the physical violence from happening in the first place?

A person who is under the influence of drugs or alcohol is in no state to listen to reason. A person who is in a state of psychosis is not in a rational state of mind.

A recent study indicated that about 60% of the male population in prison has an acquired brain injury, so how can you reason with someone who has lost part of their frontal lobe?

Then we have the segment of the male population who are clinically psychopaths and from all my reading, it is pretty pointless doing any sort of therapy with them as they just refine their skills.

I have heard of and know people who claim to experience a 'mental blackout' when they enter an extreme state of anger. I think this equates to extreme rage or as the vikings called a 'beserker'.
Posted by Wolly B, Wednesday, 23 July 2014 8:52:41 PM
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