Despite the ongoing troubles due to COVID there are a few humorous aspects.

For the practicing pedant there are the signs stuck on the barriers between the tellers and customers in Commonwealth banks to the effect that the later should stay behind the barrier.
I pointed out to the teller that I couldn’t comply with the notice.
She asked me why, so I told her that she was behind the barrier and that I was in front of it.
She laughed and said “They must have printed thousands of them”.
I must admit that I got this from the Net, I didn’t spot it myself but I’ve had the pleasure of trying it out twice.

The other funny one is the notice outside businesses that one must enter one’s details before entering.
This is impossible to do as the forms are always inside the premises.
Anyone got any others?

Dear Is Mise,

I've got one.

"We’re opening up this incredible country. Because we have to do that. I would love to have it open by Easter” Trump.

Hilarious. Still waiting for the funny bit.

Also not funny, but a very sick joke, is the one on Queensland imposed by their out of control premier by way of childish games in 2032: very costly, and as out of date as Ancient Greece itself.

Another giggle is the current indulgence of spoilt brats in Tokyo, where the virus has got 80 of them already, and one Australian cocaine-user should be made to pay, out of his own pocket, for the wasted cost of the horse that preceded him to Japan that will need to be brought home.

"You are going to the opening ceremony. I'm still the deputy chair of the candidature leadership group and so far as I understand, there will be an opening and closing ceremony in 2032 and all of you are going to get along there and understand the traditional parts of that, what's involved in an opening ceremony, so none of you are staying behind and hiding in your rooms, alright?" Mr Coates said to the Qld woman, according to the ABC; and he doesn't appear to have been joking either.

Another

We have a gold plated covid response - Dan

Dear Is Mise,

As I seemed to have opened the door for the more toxically inclined I felt I should relate my Covid vaccine story.

After the needle initially went in I could feel a cold sensation running down the back of my arm. I thought in might have been the nerves reacting but I mentioned it to the nurse and it turned out the needle had malfunctioned sending vaccine down my arm.

The doctor was then brought over and we discussed the options and I elected to get a second full dose. Both nurse and doctor were apologetic. I laughingly replied something along the lines of 'it must have been because of my tough biceps'.

The thing was the second jab was within what seemed like a millimetre of the first. Perhaps the nurse didn't want two bleed sites, I really don't know, but I jumped and winced like a sook. The arm took nearly a week to come good.

I'm not great with needles anyway. I think the moral of the story is not to brag around nurses.

Still on the lack of anything humorous about covid, surely Australia must be a world laughing stock by now, if it hasn't been already.

Reportedly, Australia has become “the subject of mockery” around the world as clips from Australian news services have gone viral – leaving people “shocked by the hyperbole and hysteria”.

While the rest of the world has accepted that there is no elimination of Covid - they are going to learn to live with it: a few people will die, as they do with influenza, but most will not - the halfwits in Australia don't have a plan B. Gutless politicians continue to listen to the bureaucrats they've handed the reins and responsibility to - one-track-mind health wallahs, all of whom are alarmists and catastrophists not personally affected by their own edicts, and certainly not suffering financially.

There's no point in falling back on the 'how well we've done' myth. That was down to geography and good luck.

Well I've got a story although for me it's not
very funny. When I had my ultrasound in hospital,
the following week I went back for a six minute
walk test and then saw another specialist (my own
is on sabbatical). Anyway, due to lockdown and
lack of exercise - and staying indoors mainly -
the doctor noticed that I had a slight swelling in
my ankles. She wrote a prescription for Lasix tablets
for me.

I took them for a couple of days with horrendous
results. I could not stop urinating. day or night.
Finally I stopped taking the tablets. Now things are
back to normal. But boy did those tablets work and
fast. The most uncomfortable I've felt in ages.

I'm glad she didn't put me onto laxatives.

I finding it hilarious that certain people think that complete strangers are the slightest bit interested in their personal health reports and problems, not just their own hypochondria, but their husband's and their late mother's.

ttbn,

Why do you do this?

Ouch!

Do you realise how hurtfulk your words really are?

And you direct them as you say to people you don't know.
What does this compulsion say about you and your own
inadequacies?

All that is being done is people are responding to the
discussion of Is Mise asking for stories. You centainly
don't have to read them if you disapprove. Why enter a
discussion at all if you have nothing but attacks to
contribute?

That's sick!

Ttbn: I wonder if you would recognise a funny story if it jabbed you in the biceps? I get it. You don't like the Olympics, you don't like athletes, you don't like the Premier of Qld, you don't like people here telling personal healh stories. Your posts on other threads suggest you don't like anything much. So why are you here?

Personally I (don't) find it hilarious that you think people here are the slightest bit interested in your perpetual moaning.

SR Trump is all that will save us. Dim Sim Danny and that little fat faced Daddy's girl in Queensland are still repressing us and I know you enjoy that but that is your problem.
When Trump gets back in we will then have a template to compare with as in a proper free country and the awful, disgusting mess that Australia has become.
Before you start all your usual nonsense I suggest to tell me how all this is going to be paid for? My view is look out for your superannuation funds, the pollies have lusted after them and after all what else is there?

Foxy,

First time I've been called "hurtfulk". Let me know what it is so that I can add it to my CV.

You "certainly don't have to read" anything I say either, but you do. Here's something to think about - why do you think you are the only person I have a go at? I don't as a rule comment on what other people say, usually living and letting live. Could it be, I wonder, because you are the only real pain in the butt on OLO, and you spit the dummy unlike other people who don't have a permanent chip on their shoulders. You are a magnet for "hurtfulking".

Coxcomb (spell check hasn't heard of your moniker, and I had forgotten you existed). Putting in one for the girls, are we.

Obviously little intelligence is needed to play back my dislikes, all of which I confirm. So what made you think that I would be "the slightest bit interested" in your whining and re-emergence" from wherever you have been skulking.

ttbn,

Thank You so much for taking the time and trouble
to explain myself to me.

I rest my case.

Now back to the topic.

Taken from the web:

Humour is an essential coping tool for surviving
tough times. Shared laughter gives us strength in
adversity and can help us feel a bit more in control
when the future looks uncertain and laughter literally
makes us stronger. Here are a few jokes:

1) What should you do if you don't understand a
coronavirus joke?
Be patient.

2) How did the health experts lie?
They said a mask and gloves were enough to go to the
supermarket. When I got there, everyone else had clothes
on.

3) This morning I saw a neighbour talking to her cat.
It was obvious she thought her cat understood her.
I came into my house, told my dog.
We laughed a lot.

4) Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure
they fit.
Pyjamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

That's all for now folks.

shadowminister,

Yes Dan the Man does have a sense of humour doesn't he. He was stirring up Morrison who first coined the phrase back last year.

"New South Wales is the gold standard. That is where we have to get everybody to to ensure that Australia can be open," Mr Morrison said.
http://www.abc.net.au/news/2020-09-08/why-pm-says-nsw-is-gold-standard-in-covid-19-control/12636890

NSW doesn't look too gold standard now does it.

Dear Jbowyer,

Well that got a laugh. A one term, mess of a president is going to save us in between golfing, dodging taxes, inciting nutjobs, and bonking porn stars?

Can't wait for that one.

Foxy

You don't have a case, but you certainly need a rest, petal.

ttbn,

Again, Thank You for your concern, and for
telling me what I need.

I will give it all the consideration it deserves.

Steele,
The Gold Standard was a catastrophic economic policy. I'd say NSW resembles it pretty well.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Getting back on topic, I really appreciate this one:
http://imgflip.com/i/3w7twr

Here's a few more jokes from the web:

1) Finland has just closed its borders. You know what
that means. No one will be crossing the finish line.

2) The grocery stores in France look like tornadoes
hit them. All that's left is de brie.

3) A decade ago you would cough to cover up a fart.
Now with COVID-19, you fart to cover up a cough.

4) Did you hear the joke about the germ?
Never mind, I don't want to spread it around.

Steele,

Fortunately I had no reaction at all from the first jab, yet to have the second.
I’m on blood thinners as well, Warfrin in my case because of DVT, but the doctor, with whom I discussed it, said that I should be OK regarding clotting; it’s, as you say, always best to ask about things.

Speaking of needles, as recruits in the army we had lots of shots and some were multiple, I had one of these ‘cocktails’ and as I walked down the corridor to the exit door the corridor got longer and longer but I eventually reached the door and heard a voice say “Catch him!”,then I came to propped up against a gum tree.

Yes Is Mise, we had the same in the navy. It must have been 1958 we had a rush of them. The smallpox one was the worst. We did find it interesting that it always was the biggest blokes who passed out after the needle.

It wasn't funny either. Keeping tradition the navy had us sleeping in hammocks during our early training. After that smallpox thing in the shoulder it was extremely painful to lift your arm. Our hammocks were swung from bars, 7'6" above the floor, requiring you to reach up to these bars & draw yourself up to swing into the hammock.

One found a set of 3'6" high steps which help greatly. One each night was detailed to move the steps for everyone, & help as required, having to manage alone as the last.

Foxy I understand your Lasix tablets problem. I am on a diabetes watch due to being on prednisone. They have me on a tablet that makes me extremely thirsty, & pee a lot, & the requirement is almost instant & extremely strong. This flushes the sugar evidently so I can't just stop them if I don't want to develop diabetes. Ah the joys of life.

- Holy Crap -

Slightly off-topic, but important enough

I don't watch a lot of news lately, too much Covid;
I've gone off my politics and conspiracy type stuff on youtube for a while as well.
- But I just watched something that I just have to share.

Rand Paul Vs Dr Fauci: Exchange Goes Nuclear
http://youtu.be/RVUNyLMo7mo

Watch it everyone, you'll all see for yourself that which I tried to tell you all a year ago.

- That Fauci's NIH offshored their virus research to China, themselves FUNDING the Wuhan lab bat virus gain-of-function research.

- Watch that little garden gnome Fauci get accused of killing 4 million people -

It's nasty enough you kind of just HAVE to watch it.