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The Forum > General Discussion > Why do new comers not stay?

Why do new comers not stay?

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Under the names of those using the site we can see the list of new arrivals
Why do they not remain and become active
Lets face it they found us so must have searched
And too those that have stayed often are good posters who brighten all our days
Is there some thing we, contributors can do? or in the case of one not do?
Welcome all you new arrivals, stick around even if only to verbally box my ears now and again
Posted by Belly, Wednesday, 16 October 2019 1:31:16 PM
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snowflake generation Belly. Usually a bit of truth melts a narrative and produces a dummy spit.
Posted by runner, Wednesday, 16 October 2019 2:13:17 PM
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Dear Belly,

Why do new comers not stay?

Perhaps they're overwhelmed by the high standards
of debate displayed on this forum. By the civility
and respect shown and they're just not capable
of fitting into such a high standard internet discussion
web?

Or maybe the opposite is true?

As you know discussion forums do attact people with troll-like
behavior who love nothing better than to start arguments
upsetting others by posting inflammatory comments and vicious
attacks - with
the deliberate intent of provoking readers into an
emotional response.

The anonymity suits people like that. This should not
surprise any of us. People who can aggressively shoot back
don't suffer but there are those who aren't capable of
dealing with those kind of attacks and who sometimes can
remain shattered for days - they're the people who choose
to simply leave rather than stay.
Posted by Foxy, Wednesday, 16 October 2019 3:17:18 PM
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Thanks Foxy, for just being you and the huge laugh I got out of both posts above, for very different reasons
We have, and so has every forum, always had good posters leave, and unfortunately bad ones, stay
We will not get big numbers for this thread but it is my hope every one will give us their thoughts
My self imposed exile, was a reaction to down right inflammatory abuse.
I was wrong, getting better results staying away from some posters and their threads
Is that the answer? probably not, but it is the best I have
In my every day life while firmly think what I say, I question my views and opinions
Did that out of the blue two hours ago, and it is in my view some thing we all could benefit by doing
I must hold my hand up, as could be expected many of my friends in that other place, facebook, are my mates, ex members I once looked after
They, not all but most, hold views so far right of mine, it enforces my view more open two sided debate is healthy
Posted by Belly, Wednesday, 16 October 2019 4:16:39 PM
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Too many lefties for most to handle.
Posted by Hasbeen, Wednesday, 16 October 2019 5:21:29 PM
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veni vidi vici
Posted by Mr Opinion, Wednesday, 16 October 2019 5:30:22 PM
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Mr Opinion,
You're living up to your usual delusional !
Posted by individual, Wednesday, 16 October 2019 5:45:59 PM
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Hasbeen,

Two or three in particular? Quite a few posters who are lefties are quite reasonable, having their say without resorting to calling people with different opinions Neanderthals, bigots, racists and other abusive words. Utter bullies, projecting their own very unpleasant traits onto people who don't bow down to their particular beliefs.
Posted by ttbn, Wednesday, 16 October 2019 5:54:31 PM
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To para phrase that great philosopher and Old Etonian... Groucho Marx;

"I would never join a Forum that would have me as a member!"
Posted by Paul1405, Wednesday, 16 October 2019 6:08:43 PM
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Dear Mr Opinion,

"Quem vincisti?"
Posted by Foxy, Wednesday, 16 October 2019 6:12:38 PM
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Hey Hasbeen,

Would you want this forum to simply be an
echo-chamber? Ah, wait ...
Posted by Foxy, Wednesday, 16 October 2019 6:28:53 PM
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Hasbeen has trouble telling his left from his right
A forum needs differing views
Or we will have nothing to talk about
Posted by Belly, Wednesday, 16 October 2019 6:46:37 PM
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A forum needs differing views
Belly,
I agree but I disagree when it's just about one-up-manship or disregarding logic ! Or, when experience is disregarded due to indoctrination.
Posted by individual, Wednesday, 16 October 2019 8:16:03 PM
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Dear Belly,

New comers will continue to leave if the
posting environment is unpleasant. Standards
and limits should be set to attract civil
discourse and they should be maintained.
Every club and organisation has certain standards
to maintain its membership. And if the standards
are not maintained people leave.
Posted by Foxy, Wednesday, 16 October 2019 9:47:22 PM
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What a cheek these people have. Graham Young decides what goes on here, not Belly, not Foxy. Any time Graham decides I need to change my ways, and he has on occasion, I will respect his decision. And, I'm not taking anymore notice of these twits.
Posted by ttbn, Wednesday, 16 October 2019 10:37:36 PM
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I've got no complaints in regards to the forum or the people on it.
I think it provides a good mix of opinions, and plenty of food for thought, but its a shame more people aren't contributing.
It does seem that plenty of new people are joining.

They must be looking for some place where they can have their say but for some reason choose not to.

I'm not sure the old look of the site helps and it could use a makeover, but it could be like the old pub after it gets a revamp, new people are attracted but the old patrons don't go there anymore.

I know I've probably been going a little too far lately with my anti-world government type rants.
I apologise to everyone for this, I'm trying to cut back a little on these comments;
You've all heard my opinions many times before and there's no point constantly banging on about it like a cracked record.
I don't want to drive newcomers away, nor upset existing forum members, nor bring the forum into disrepute by outside forces.
Posted by Armchair Critic, Wednesday, 16 October 2019 11:40:24 PM
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We need more Arts graduates.

We definitely don't need people pretending to be Arts graduates, nudge nudge wink wink know who I mean.
Posted by Mr Opinion, Thursday, 17 October 2019 5:45:25 AM
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Foxy as a poster highlights, for some self confidence is badly miss placed
And in truth some wrongly think we are all like that
Still know, without doubt, all ideas and thoughts should be welcome
But too, that some are not worth the read
Now AC you, yep you, seem to want to see this thread as questioning the right or wrong of this place, it does not
It is about decreasing numbers of posters nothing else
Posted by Belly, Thursday, 17 October 2019 5:48:39 AM
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Dear Foxy,

My fear of being an ignorant man.
Posted by Mr Opinion, Thursday, 17 October 2019 5:54:13 AM
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My fear of being an ignorant man.
Mr Opinion,
That's an unnecessary worry because every single human being is ignorant about things, no-one can know or be enlightened of everything.
What people can & should do is to accept that & only speak from experience & not from indoctrination !
Posted by individual, Thursday, 17 October 2019 7:13:42 AM
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Hi Belly,

Maybe, many new Forum members don't want to engage with belligerent old men. Think what they are missing out on.

My wife sometimes reads what is posted, but never enters the discussion herself. Why? "Who wrote this garbage?" she will say. Answer "Me!"..."I might have known!"

Never take oneself too seriously, dislike no one, and always apply the 'Armadillo Principle'.
Posted by Paul1405, Thursday, 17 October 2019 7:49:32 AM
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Paul yes but not all old men are out of touch with reality
Frankly we who dwell in the lower section of this place are not up to the standard of the higher up section
I get fun out of the more idiotic of us
See effort to tell us the link is questioning who posts what
The question remains why search and find us, register, but not post
Bet quite a few read what we say
Maybe that tells us some thing
How about some of those read only members telling us what they think
Posted by Belly, Thursday, 17 October 2019 8:36:15 AM
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There's always the possibility that potential newcomers would look at the above post and mistake the site for a foreign language one.
Posted by ttbn, Thursday, 17 October 2019 9:03:30 AM
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Dear Belly,

I've learned so much over the years on this forum.
Sure there have been ups and downs and emotional reactions
to boot. However for me - the good things outweigh the
not so good. What I find difficult to understand is
when someone is expressing things from a personal
viewpoint why do some make all kinds of wrong assumptions
as to that person or the intent of what's being said.

Some people choose to only see negativity. And attach
negativity to each and every remark that a person makes.
Like the recent comment that I made about standards.
It was taken as an attack on the forum and Graham. Which
is not what I had in mind at all.

This just goes to show that communication is not easy -
especially when it may touch a nerve with someone, when
it's taken personally, or when certain people do have
certain prejudices and outlooks. We are after all dealing
with a variety of complexities, and as Paul stated -
having an armadillo garb might help.

My husband also often reads what is posted here - and he too
has the same reaction as Paul's wife - "Who writes this
kind of stuff?" And he keeps telling me - "Leave, just
Leave!" "Who needs this in your life?" Well, as it turns
out, I do!

And, because I do have some serious health issues, the forum
for me is a diversion - and keeps me mentally
active. For which I am grateful.

I also treasure the friends
I've made and known over the years. Especially Graham,
who's been great. And of course dear Belly, and O Sung Wu,
and Joe (Loudmouth), and Steele, and Banjo Paterson, and
so many others.

Also this discussion has made me realise that I too
need to try to make changes in my own way of communicating.
I need to not take things so personally, and try not to
be judgemental. None of us are perfect - and all of us can
improve in the way we talk to each other - me included.
Posted by Foxy, Thursday, 17 October 2019 9:19:32 AM
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Dear Foxy,

I'm honoured :) .

The great thing about OLO is that sometimes we make fools of ourselves (or at least I have done on occasion) but that so what ? Nobody can reach through cyberspace and smack us around the ear, even if they would dearly love to. Christ, I certainly would.

So I would certainly encourage any new posters to put up posts on any topic they feel like. So what if some idiot calls you a loony leftie or an Alt-Right, sometimes for the same comment ?

Like you, Foxy, I've learnt so much from other posters, certainly the need to smarten up my own views which are of course so self-evidently correct, yet attract empty criticism. So I think. But I suppose all of us think a bit like that. Which is why we get so pissed off when someone else disagrees. But surely that how civil society should work ? We throw our ideas into the forum and others rip them to pieces. Unless we're snowflakes, so what ?

Of course, we also have children like Misopinionated with his brand-new sociology degree and his "Mummy ! Mummy ! I do poos !" postings.

Ah, you can take the kid out of Bankstown but ....

Love,

Joe
Posted by Loudmouth, Thursday, 17 October 2019 9:38:24 AM
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The great thing about OLO is that it is not censored.

I assume that most people join forums to have their ego stroked by finding all posts are by people of the same opinion. This is obviously the only reason for anyone to be still tuning into the ABC.

Those less confident folk, left or right would find the expression of opinions totally contrary to theirs rather confronting, particularly if they are an ABC fan for example.

So those with less robust self confidence probably are rather shocked, & quickly return to places safer for petals.

How about this gem from Mr O? "My fear of being an ignorant man". Perhaps he should have avoided attending anything in an arts department of an Oz university to achieve that aim.
Posted by Hasbeen, Thursday, 17 October 2019 12:06:30 PM
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Dear Joe,

You can take this kid out of Parramatta... (smile).
I'm a Westie as well. And proud of it!

I just realisehat I forgot to mention - Paul in naming
the names dear to my heart. My apologies Paul.
And apologies to any others I may have missed - like
David F., Cossomby, and - Big Nana, there's so many.
And all great contributors.

There's HenryL., Individual, mhaze, Shadow Minister,
who all keep me on my toes and challenge me. And again,
so many more. If I've not mentioned you - I apologise
ahead of time. I don't mean to hurt any one's feelings.
You all add a great deal to this forum, and without
you it would be a lot duller.

I agree that newbies should feel free to add their
perspectives. We do need new voices to give us new
perspectives. Hopefully we'll get them sooner than later.

Thanks Belly for this discussion.

And you thought it wouldn't take off?

Which just goes to prove that despite our differences
we can come together for something worthwhile.
Posted by Foxy, Thursday, 17 October 2019 12:10:08 PM
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cont'd ...

And of course how could I forget dear Hasbeen.

Hassie has stood by me through thick and thin,
despite some of my strong feelings at times.

Thank You Hassie!
Posted by Foxy, Thursday, 17 October 2019 12:13:55 PM
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cont'd ...

And to ttbn - keep on posting -
We can all learn from them.
Posted by Foxy, Thursday, 17 October 2019 12:32:16 PM
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Mr. O's fears of being ignorant have already been realised. He doesn't know it, and probably never will.
Posted by ttbn, Thursday, 17 October 2019 12:32:27 PM
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Hi there, FOXY & BELLY...

I, too, am honoured and delighted to be countered among your friends FOXY!

And BELLY, the main reason I don't contribute much anymore, is that I've become old and boring. And the only topics I feel anywhere near comfortable in discussing, is the police force, the military, and the Malaysian Confrontation, or the war in South Vietnam? All 'blues' that I was personally involved in.

It would seem, those topics became boring (similar to myself), and nobody is interested in replying to anything I write, or I'm simply not liked or valued on the Forum now. A 'surefire' message that comes from many of the contributors herein; that I've reached my 'use-by date,' as it were, and it's time I left these hallowed portals of Graham Young's exemplary vision.

And finally, I was diagnosed at the Neuropsychology Unit, at the Repatriation Hospital, some time back. And they found that I had entered the primary phase of 'age-related' dementia. And that's about it really. Thanks, BELLY old mate?
Posted by o sung wu, Thursday, 17 October 2019 12:36:02 PM
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Every post after my last, not including we all know who, are posts I agree with
Joe [Loudmouth] can box my verbal ears any time he likes, I too some times deserve it
Right from my first post here, pre-spell check, I have made a Goose out of my self, often
Too as with Foxy my days may be limited, fighting to be around but it takes more
I try to improve my posting style, constantly
But can not stop a truth, I write as an evolving *new center* dreamer
See my leftist days went not long after my youth, but a product of Labors center unity, its right, I propose moving
To the AGAIN abandoned Liberal ground, so we are again electable
Please new chums take me down, or agree, we would like to hear from you
Posted by Belly, Thursday, 17 October 2019 12:37:58 PM
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Another thing that might put potential newcomers off is people talking about themselves, particularly about their health issues. Hypochondria is not an attractive trait.

However, I really can't see why run of the mill, garden variety posters are concerned about something that has nothing to do with them. There are quite a few people who have and run their own websites but never get a single response or comment, yet they keep on doing it.

Just be grateful to Graham for providing us with a platform to air our opinions. Who posts what, and how many do it is his business, not yours
Posted by ttbn, Thursday, 17 October 2019 12:55:23 PM
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Oh. And there are no friends online. If you need anonymous people who might or might not be what they claim to be as friends, you are a bit sad. Get a pen friend with a real name and a photo. Better still, mix with real people you can touch, hug or shake hands with. They tell me inflatable dolls are getting better, too.
Posted by ttbn, Thursday, 17 October 2019 1:03:10 PM
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O sung wo you are valued, and hope you are ok, reaching back in to the history of our section of OLO,
We have had more posters and yes some strange views expressed, too some intent on insult not contributions
We all by pass some threads, nothing to do with you o sung wo, [thank you for your life of service]
Some times owning to the presents of trolls we avoid needless confrontation
Again any contributions from read only folk are welcome
Posted by Belly, Thursday, 17 October 2019 2:28:56 PM
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Dear Belly,

I've just read an interesting article on
the web on the subject of -
toxic people. - It's worth repeating so I'll
share it here as a warning to us all.

We're told that -

" Most of us have known or worked with (or even been
related to) someone who just seemed to spread
negativity everywhere."

"Examples include a work colleague who constantly
complains about how poorly the company or organisation
is run or a friend who can never seem to see the good
in anything and who does not hesitate to tell you all
about it. "

"Those are toxic people. After any inter action or a
conversation with a toxic person your mood will
probably be lower."

"Your mood in fact may be blue for sometime, thinking
about all the bad things in your workplace or your
social circle. The negative person will now be happy
at least for a while."

"This is the hallmark of a toxic person - having
thoroughly upset you they're pretty happy. They've
unloaded onto you. The key to coping with toxic
people in your life is to minimize your contact
with them and to understand what's happening when they
start to spew negativity."

"Once you learn not to absorb that negativity you should
be able to cope with them more easily. Toxic people are
the ones who complain all the time. They're the ones who
always blame you. They always turn things around so things
you thought they had done wrong are suddenly your fault.
They over react to events."

Unfortunately these people are attracted to online
discussion forums where they can target the vulnerable.
These kind of people the toxic ones,
are another reason that many
newcomers decide not to stay.
Unfortunately the internet attracks them.
And anonymity is what they thrive on.
Because they are bullies and cowards.
Posted by Foxy, Thursday, 17 October 2019 5:17:10 PM
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Dear O Sung Wu,

I have always enjoyed reading your posts. Please
continue to contribute to the forum. Your point
of view has added a great deal to discussions
and has always been valued. Take care of your
health and remember you are a valued member of
the forum and one I am proud to call a friend.
Posted by Foxy, Thursday, 17 October 2019 6:16:48 PM
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Hi there BELLY & FOXY...

Thank you both for your kind sentiments. I do appreciate them very much indeed. Things are as they are, and we all have to hang up our boots one day, and my day's fast approaching. Thanks again, and I'll contribute if I think my opinion, is worthy enough. Bye for now.
Posted by o sung wu, Thursday, 17 October 2019 7:19:28 PM
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Foxy very true but while we have toxic people we have in the past had a different type worth noting
Lets remember one under God, no way toxic but challenging for sure
His telling us of his dumpster diving existence was only one thing he said some found confronting
He, maybe we all do, needed an out let, this was it
Age can bring some to be quite one tracked and we see that too
Some of us I hope me, and know you do, refuse to let health or age stop thinking deeply about subjects
A close friend by his increasing anger showed us [after the event] he was in the early stages of dementia, so maybe for some miss placed anger is out of their control
Posted by Belly, Friday, 18 October 2019 5:43:07 AM
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You stick around o sung wu, & that's an order.

We need the considered common sense approach to life you bring with your every post.

Just because some bloke with letters after his name told you that you are becoming a dill doesn't mean it's true. Keep up the good work old mate, we need you.
Posted by Hasbeen, Friday, 18 October 2019 8:38:30 AM
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Hi there, HASBEEN...

Mate it's *you* and others like; TTBN, RUNNER & INDIVIDUAL, together with a few others, who's particular epithets I just can't remember, who present a pragmatic, logical approach, to our specific issues. It's you people HASBEEN, who're the true custodians of our future.

Though we're failing dismally, I'm afraid, as this new generation of academics has become more cockeyed with their views, like telling school children to strike and to demonstrate about climate change and other issues. Instead of encouraging them towards good scholarship, while at school, TAFE or University.

First, they need a proper education; in order, they may correctly analyze a problem in a more professional, dispassionate way, instead of allowing themselves to be brainwashed by extremists, and following them, uninformed and against their instincts, blindly into oblivion.
Posted by o sung wu, Friday, 18 October 2019 10:30:33 AM
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o sung wu,

Good on ya mate. You'll do me.
Posted by ttbn, Friday, 18 October 2019 10:34:31 AM
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Hasbeen honest and truly I think those labels after that name come from a jam tin
My intention once again, is not to complain, challenge about this place
It is just a question, one I had hoped fence sitters might put their views in
Posted by Belly, Friday, 18 October 2019 10:56:09 AM
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I gotta admit, when we first met, like the old fool I am, I came out swinging & punching like from days of old! For that, I'm profoundly sorry. Your opinion has become a matter of inspiration and hope, for me, and our diminishing side of politics. So take it easy ol' friend, you and a few others, are badly needed on this Site, to balance the equation somewhat.
Posted by o sung wu, Friday, 18 October 2019 11:38:20 AM
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"So take it easy ol' friend, you and a few others, are badly needed on this Site, to balance the equation somewhat.".

Thanks, osw. Makes a nice change from having it said that we a driving away newcomers by two people who really should take a look in the mirror before they accuse others of being off-putting to people who might not even exist, and those who don't come back after airing their pet subject, without wanting to take a long term part in OLO. OLO is a little specialised and too different from the run-of-the-mill slagging-off sites like Twitter and Facebook, which appeal to most people who spend their lives on social media. I think our two detractors would be much happier elsewhere, too.

Cheers. I hope you will be around for a long time yet.
Posted by ttbn, Friday, 18 October 2019 12:40:58 PM
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Dear O Sung Wu.

We all want to see rational, logical, non-abusive
debate continue to
be a hallmark of this forum and you are certainly
part and parcel of that tradition. Long may you
continue to post. We need people like you to
provide a much-needed balance for us all.
Posted by Foxy, Friday, 18 October 2019 1:09:10 PM
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Thank you both - FOXY & TTBN...Two diametrically opposed (Politically) Individuals you'd ever wish to meet. Both of whom are adroit, logical, and fierce stalwarts of intelligent debate. If either decided to leave this Site, they would prove to be an irretrievable loss to both OLO and the Forum, one that would prove very difficult to replace in my opinion.
Posted by o sung wu, Friday, 18 October 2019 1:43:27 PM
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Sorry if it offends you o sung wo, but I will never share your view of ttbn
Test me click on his profile, read his last ten posts twenty if you are game
That insulting post here from try to be nice inflames me
I am unashamed to be from Labor, we get the biggest vote for ANY SINGLE PARTY in this country
We have issues, I openly talk about them
But never see a Conservative doing that about his/her side
Truly not sure why or even if I will stay, ttbn is one nasty uniformed grub
Maybe, never wanted to say it, he has driven many away, have seen bombastic abuse several times from him/her aimed at new posters
Will take a spell and think about my future here my regards all
Belly
Posted by Belly, Friday, 18 October 2019 3:19:38 PM
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Dear Belly,

If you need a break by all means take it -
but do come back. You would be greatly
missed. You're one of the fairest people
on this forum - with a big heart. And your
well reasoned posts speak to all of us.
Don't let some flea who bites (because that's
what they do) - influence your decision.
I know it's not pleasant - but don't read what
he posts - just scroll past or like with
shyte - side- step over it.
Posted by Foxy, Friday, 18 October 2019 3:33:35 PM
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Hi there BELLY...

Try to stay the course ol' fella - after all, we're not dealing in 'sheep stations' here, just different views and opinions.
Posted by o sung wu, Friday, 18 October 2019 3:46:44 PM
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Dear O Sung Wu,

Neither Belly nor myself have any objection to
different opinions or views. As a matter of fact -
we appreciate them greatly and learn from them.
Sheep stations nobody wants. However, nobody
wants snake-pits or flea infestations either.
And it's both of these that make people want to leave.
Posted by Foxy, Friday, 18 October 2019 4:00:37 PM
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Belly,

"Truly not sure why or even if I will stay, ttbn is one nasty uniformed grub". Are you serious? Are you that pathetic? A few posts ago you accused me of being demented. Really? I think that you should concentrate on your own problems. You are the only poster who reacts to me with such disproportionate and off the planet abuse.

I don't care what you think of me. Your nonsense has no effect on me. The last time you became so obsessed with a single, solitary poster just because you didn't like his opinions, he left at the same time you did. I'm not going anywhere. I'm not going change my views.

Whether or not you run away again is a matter of complete indifference to me. And, your hatred and inability to accept opinions you don't like is only harming you, nobody else.
Posted by ttbn, Friday, 18 October 2019 5:32:12 PM
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Dear Belly,

Toxic people are the ones who will always
blame you. They will spew negativity,
insult you, criticise your posting
style, call you names, and in their minds
it will always be - your fault.

They always turn things around
so things you thought
they had done wrong are suddenly - your fault.
This is the hallmark of a toxic person.

The key to coping with these creatures is to ignore
them completely and as I said earlier - don't respond.
Don't honour them with a reply.

And remember - there's many who value and appreciate
you on this forum. You can be proud of your posting
record. The flea's bites don't matter or count.
A bit of disinfectant will take care of them.
Posted by Foxy, Friday, 18 October 2019 6:10:40 PM
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Foxy I understand, I even know my response to our toxic twit is wrong
But has the place become so bad we [me included] are free to insult so often
Again will try to ignore the toxic poster
But will be FORCED to stay clear of most threads to avoid him
Remember how many times he jumped in to a thread ONLY TO INSULT ME
Have a great weekend
Have new thread in mind but would like, even if it targets me, to see others views of why new comers leave
BUT put this view firmly *some drive away anyone who will not share their views*
Without the right to hold other views we are nothing
Posted by Belly, Saturday, 19 October 2019 4:15:48 AM
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Toxic people are the ones
Foxy,
The most toxic are the ones who dish out venom but when it is thrown back at them they carry on like little kids, trying to have the last word at all cost.
Posted by individual, Saturday, 19 October 2019 6:57:31 AM
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Why would they want to stay when someone on OLO just said he does not believe the Big Bang is real. We can accept it because we know it was said by someone who has a poor knowledge of everything but a newcomer might react with 'Ratbag! I'm getting out of here!'
Posted by Mr Opinion, Saturday, 19 October 2019 7:22:31 AM
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Individual,

You got that right - that's exactly what Belly and I
are saying. Glad that you understand.

Dear Belly,

Good attitude to have - and I shall try to do the same.
Life is too short to keep on trying to respond to someone
whose moniker should be - "tough, tenacious, biting nit!"
(smile).

Have a great day!
Posted by Foxy, Saturday, 19 October 2019 9:38:09 AM
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individual,

Right again. The poster you are addressing must always have the last say, and I'll bet I'm not the only one who never reads what she says anymore because she could nag for the Southern Hemisphere. Same old same old, ad infinitum.

Belly is threatening to leave again, blaming me. Gee, what a powerful bloke I must be! The last person he used as an excuse to cut and run was a poster called 'on the beach'. Do you remember him?

Victimhood is practised by people always on the lookout for insults and slights. There are books written on the subject. Wikipedia has a simple definition of the syndrome:

"Manipulators often play the victim role ("woe is me") by portraying themselves as victims of circumstances or someone else's behavior in order to gain pity or sympathy or to evoke compassion and thereby get something from someone".

Belly plays the victim, and Foxy supplies the 'pity' and 'compassion'
Posted by ttbn, Saturday, 19 October 2019 9:43:58 AM
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ttbn,

Again you prove my point. It's always someone
else's fault - never yours. Yet you continue
to ridicule Belly's posts, his style of writing,
you insult him, and expect him to not react.
The same goes for me. You say you're indifferent to what he
thinks yet you persist in commenting on it with venom.

You just can't leave well enough alone.
If you are indifferent to what he thinks - leave him alone.
He does not want to interact with you. Yet you're the one
following him around and making slurs against him.

No one is playing the victim here - except you.
And your toxicity is there in your posting record for
all to see. I mean - look at the personal attacks you've
done on me. And making it worse by attacking not only me but
my family, my mother when she passed away - my illness and
disability, you're a real class act.
I stretched my hand out to you several times and tried to
make peace - it did not last long. Because you just can't
help yourself.

Have a look at how many and which posters support you.
Belly can outdo you any day of the week.

You need to lift your game here - otherwise you'll
become a total scab on this forum - that nobody will
want to scratch.
Posted by Foxy, Saturday, 19 October 2019 10:02:02 AM
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Individual you and I have different views, is that ok
We clash, but in the end get along with one another
I suspect in real life it would be much the same, we may even like one another, my best mate votes Liberal
You however NEVER follow my to a thread YOU HAVE TAKEN NO ROLL IN to insult me
Yes I left once, but the poor silly twit did not leave with me , I only know in time he was no longer here
Some [unable to let me have other opinions] do not like me, two troll me often
Judge me if you must, but just because you share opinions with our toxic toad, do not tell me I am the one in the wrong
Back on thread, it was never my intention to let a truth be seen here
But yes read the post history, see the needless silly rude welcome toxic gave many new comers
This site was a lot of hard work put in by a few, to give us a place to comment, not to fuel hateful views about others
Posted by Belly, Saturday, 19 October 2019 11:01:07 AM
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To any and all

A few things to consider about coming to a new forum, or in commenting in general.

There are some people who like to give an agreeable voice. Kind of like saying "hear, hear" or "well said" to a position they read. And they'll offer it to anyone they agree with, or at least like the way it was said. Some do just the opposite and just mock or insult others they don't agree with, but add very little else. Others on the other hand if they see what they were about to say has already been said, or has already been countered, they won't say anything more. Silence may be there because they have nothing more to say on a matter, or don't think they can say it any better then it already was. Or it could just be a lack of interest, or a sign of maturity to not get involved and just walk away from what you don't agree with or don't want to rehash (even if they never hashed it out here on OLO.

There are several people I've read their perspective and had nothing to contribute to it. But I was grateful to have that bit of perspective to consider. O SUNG WO, you count as that kind of person for me at least. I don't have anything to contribute to the topics that you know about, because I've known very little about them. Still I enjoy reading what you usually share.

(Continued)
Posted by Not_Now.Soon, Sunday, 20 October 2019 4:21:45 AM
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(Continued)

Others come to bumps heads. Those comments that are rude either just want to say nothing more then to mock; or shout like they are the only voice out there to point out what's wrong. Their tone against lies, against other people are often bitter and personal. Both kinds of commentary are hard to resist saying something back. Somepeople avoid these kinds of comments all together. Staying silent on a subject they are interested in because they don't want to get involved in rehashing it all with the same bitterness that comes with it. That said, I've noticed if someone has an actual criticism to something you believe or something you say, (they aren't just talking crap for the sport of it), then take it into consideration at least once. You can try to ignore all the comments after that, but at least once consider if their crap calling has merit. It sucks to receive criticism in any form rude or otherwise. But sometimes they were right, or at least they had a point even if the conclusion is still not your own.

Newcomers or not, most of you that respond regularly are going to continue on with each other until you get sick of someone to the degree that you can't stay any more. BELLY, with that in mind I get what you're saying about feeling like you're being followed and don't want more of it. I left a forum because of a few commenters that would ride on anyone who said a Christian comment, or had said one in the past. They took it as if it was their duty or their joy to disrupt, and harass those they deemed crap people and crap opinions. I left eventually, because that grew from a tolerable one annoying person to at least five, and seemed to be a growing number of people poised and ready to pounce on anything they deemed "stupid."

For what it's worth Belly, if I've done that to you, where you feel I've followed you and harassed you, then I'm sorry.

(Continued)
Posted by Not_Now.Soon, Sunday, 20 October 2019 4:37:06 AM
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(Continued)

Last thought to consider. Though newcomers might bring in fertile thoughts or perspectives, they can just as easy bring in trash or the things that make you cringe. More people doesn't mean better topics and conversations. Chances are, no matter who a newer person is though, there is already someone here who bitterly disagrees with them or hates how they post. When I first came on, I came to a subject that I thought was important, and I think I pissed off at least three posters by just being there saying what I thought should be said. Since then a few others had the same reaction.

With that in mind if a person isn't sparked to fight back they might just leave. Think about that. This is a forum of people who persisted through the bitter and angry debates. The people are probably fighters and debaters more then not. That is the crowd. Those that aren't fighters and debaters might just give an occasional "well said" or "that sucked" and offer nothing more. Sorry but that's just what I see.

That said, all of that is regarding responses people give in an already made topic.. not for opening posts to a topic. The more active people you have, the more topics that will be started (hopefully). But the conversations themselves might not change. Try to make peace with those you're likely going to bump into regularly. Or at least make peace with what you're getting involved with by continuing on. Bitterness dies slowly. Both for you, and the person you don't get along with.
Posted by Not_Now.Soon, Sunday, 20 October 2019 4:39:07 AM
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Not-Now-Soon, you have never offended me, in fact even my detractors for the most part have not
I have been trolled, by four, two of whom I can take it without pain
A third has improved his posting after a brief hysterical period
I no longer read his posts period
Now for this thread
A read of my post history this month, will show I left a thread I started to avoid my tormentor
Went close to both leaving this thread [one aimed only at asking why we do not see more new posters]
I KNOW my response is wrong
KNOW I should just not read toxic stuff
Know too this part of this site needs a look at
I intend to continue to not post in threads that are those of my problem child
That in its self IS A form of censorship, self motivated but show me another way
Continued
Posted by Belly, Sunday, 20 October 2019 6:20:42 AM
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Now in real life we still have opinions, thankfully, why would an others opinions be reason to start a hate campaign?
On logging in this morning I was the only active member here
But I took the time to read the bottom bit *new posters*
Did they all go to the top section, or did they not want to stay around, I too am a veteran of other long gone forums, know your description is true
But here is just part of my problem, after taunting I put my whole name true address here, my detractor still claimed I was the Allan Bell [is it] that posts above
A host of claims and charges followed from three of the four, things if said in front of me would put this old man on a war footing
So let it rest but I HIGHLIGHT my freedom to post in some threads has been taken away [by my intention to avoid confrontation]
And in the end my detractor needs a look at him/her self
Posted by Belly, Sunday, 20 October 2019 6:30:45 AM
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nns,

A reasonable attempt to stop the dogs barking, but they will continue making a lot of noise: Belly with his victim syndrome, and that woman, the only poster to bother defending him. I see her name, but scroll on right past because, after years of her know-it-all nagging, I know what she is going to say about everything and everyone. She's just a cracked record. She's enough to send anyone running from the OLO. But, unlike 'brave Belly' I can ignore her.

I don't intend to say anymore on the ridiculous subject of why anybody new doesn't come or stay, except to suggest that people might just be disinterested in OLO or might never have even heard of it. The many possible reasons are not the business of a couple of sad sacks who need to, but never will, get over themselves.
Posted by ttbn, Sunday, 20 October 2019 8:35:00 AM
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Censorship imposed by my self, but in truth the record shows yet again an insulting hunt in threads to insult
Bet on it, the reason people do not stay is here for all to see
Foxy,s views are her own and her right she has been here a very long time
Not unaware she is targeted even by some good posters, because she thinks
I truly question , while not wanting the harsh task a moderator has, why this man/woman is left to break the forums rules daily
New comers please know we are not all like that and we welcome your views
Posted by Belly, Sunday, 20 October 2019 10:25:29 AM
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Spot-on, Belly !
Posted by Loudmouth, Sunday, 20 October 2019 10:42:46 AM
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Dear NNS,

Thank You for your very thoughtful summary.
It is very perceptive, measured,
and much appreciated. The art of reasoned,
intelligent argument is a skill not easily
acquired. However whether we encounter
a disagreement at home, work, at a party,
or on a discussion
forum such as this one, it is always wise to
think before we speak or write or post.

No one likes or supports an abusive, illogical,
debater. I was raised to have the aim of
behaving with respect towards others and to
encourage this in all people.

Dear Joe,

Totally agree. Belly is a very compassionate and
caring human being worth of our respect.
Posted by Foxy, Sunday, 20 October 2019 1:36:40 PM
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Thanks Foxy regret some are self centered and that leaves them out side the mainstream
Not sure the thread got the answers but it highlighted a very real problem
I still yearn for a new comers thoughts and in put
Posted by Belly, Sunday, 20 October 2019 3:41:48 PM
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Dear Belly,

We can't control how people behave on this
forum but we can control how we react to their behavior.
I regret deeply some of the mistakes I've made - but
I shall strive not to repeat them.

Also if we keep trying to maintain a high standard
in civility - I'm sure that this may attract more
people here. Especially younger voices. At least we
can try.
Posted by Foxy, Sunday, 20 October 2019 3:52:40 PM
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Belly,

The thing about joining OLO and having a nom de plume, is that you can write whatever you like in response to some idiot's assertion, like most of mine for example, and nobody knows who you are or who made that wise observation. So you may stimulate vital discussion, and god knows we always need that.

So I urge all people registered with OLO to exploit their anonymity to the full, throw your ideas into the ring and let loose the dogs of .... polite discussion :)

Cheers,

Joe
Posted by Loudmouth, Sunday, 20 October 2019 3:54:01 PM
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Foxy,s views are her own and her right she has been here a very long time
Belly,
The desperate need to have the last word is a very effective skin-thickener !
Posted by individual, Sunday, 20 October 2019 4:33:09 PM
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Individual,

Does making those kind of uncalled for comments
make you feel stronger and more powerful?
Posted by Foxy, Sunday, 20 October 2019 4:59:25 PM
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Foxy,
No, they don't ! They just make me sad that there are such people we have to let interfere in our society just so we can prove that we're not all like that !
Posted by individual, Sunday, 20 October 2019 7:41:42 PM
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Foxy and Belly,

It just goes to show, even an 80 year old can make the silly comments of an 8 year old. It called senility, Indy when do you turn 81?

My advice dear friends, take none of this to heart. You will be far better off for it.

BTW where is my old sparing partner and the Forums resident fruitcake ALTRAV, aka Il Duce, these days? Missing in action? Doing a 30 day stint in rehab? Gone but not forgotten, he has plenty of the like minded to take his place so it would seems!
Posted by Paul1405, Sunday, 20 October 2019 8:46:37 PM
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Paul yes that poster seems to be in the spelling paddock
Too hope rechtub is still alive
Mhaze is in hospital and under the knife our best I am sure wishes are with him
Yes too to the age factor, we must understand for SOME a brain freeze takes place with age
Still your advice is good ignore as much as we can,but in this car park type brawl [once two threads started so Waring party's could take it out to the car park, ]a worthy out come may have been achieved
Frankly thread after thread expressing weird slightly mad insults have been seen to get little interest
Who knows? the next thread may come from a new poster and get us all involved
I in passing, am known for who I am , in a long gone feud I posted my name, and in passing still wounder at just how much my opponent knew about me and my day to day work life.
Being above all true to your self here and do not let the frozen brains get you down
Posted by Belly, Monday, 21 October 2019 6:14:06 AM
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Paul1405 & Belly,
I'm disappointed because even you two are capable of better. Enlighten yourselves on Community/Society vs self !
Posted by individual, Monday, 21 October 2019 6:55:25 AM
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indy! mate! sorry but I can not say the same about you
No not being nasty and sure that was not your intention either
But you seem to support the whole sale abuse Foxy gets from some truly rude and under informed grumpy old men
ONCE we had more women posters, very good ones not always fond of me
Mate know, and that goes for other supporters of the troll, troll BEING the best word that fits, indy take this on board, personal unwarranted insults will not change the truth, few bother to read or comment on the rude dudes posts/threads
New posters? sitting on the side watching? unimpressed? please consider joining in even if it is only to disagree with my views
Lady's? use your elbows insist on being heard know not every man is so afraid of honest women they need to insult them
Posted by Belly, Monday, 21 October 2019 11:02:38 AM
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Hey Hasbeen and o sung wu,

"You stick around o sung wu, & that's an order."

I've found a device that we can use to prevent him from from leaving...

BolaWrap: Wrap Compilation
http://youtu.be/k5Mgc84iLvU

What do you think of this new device o sung wu?
- pretty ingenious hey -
I bet you could've put one of these to good use back in your day.

Although I can almost envision armed drones coming after us all already...
Posted by Armchair Critic, Monday, 21 October 2019 2:19:14 PM
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Well got more input than I thought, regards to all who posted
Failed totally to get a new or recently new poster to contribute
We could help by greeting the next such poster no matter what we think of their views
Long road trip coming, 6 hours each way, returning next day
So if I am not around it must be under way
Any one [ you may use it if you wish] think a thread about daily news multiple subjects may be worth a try?
Posted by Belly, Monday, 21 October 2019 2:56:43 PM
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Dear Belly,

Have a safe trip and I look forward to reading
more of your posts.

This one has run its course and all things
considered I think you're done well with this
one.

If we continue to set the bar higher - and set
an example - others will follow, of that I
have no doubt. Elbows out - and make room for
everybody.
Posted by Foxy, Monday, 21 October 2019 3:11:52 PM
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