Ooh, that pile of "contributions" is really starting to stink up the neighbourhood.

I might have to call the council and have it removed.

Shocky,

Grow up....

Dear Poirot,

There's an old adage -

"You can't polish a turd,
but you can roll it in glitter."

Which is what I've tried to do.

Foxy,

A Coprolite is a turd and they polish up nicely, I have one as a paper weight.

Dear Is Mise,

What you've got is a stony mass.
A "dung stone." It has been fossilized.
And can indeed be polished.
It's not a fresh human turd.
Which is what we're talking about here.

Yours is animal waste that has been fossilized.
It doesn't smell bad.

Whereas a fresh human turd can't be polished,
and even though it can be rolled in glitter it
still remains a piece of shyte.

Does anyone still sell gas masks?