Dear Otokonoko,

I loved "der Meerschweinchen," my daughter-in-law is German and she had so much to tell me about this little creature. I also Googled it to learn more. Bill Bryson's yarns I always enjoy and I shall try to get hold of "Mother Tongue," if only to read the passage on swearing.
Sounds great. There are so many English idioms that are interesting.
Mum's the word. Rob the cradle. Nest egg. Get out of a jam. Make a rod for your own back. The devil is in the detail. Have something up your sleeve. Take the cake. Put on your thinking cap. Cross the line. Talk through a hat...

Dear OUG,

Interesting play on words. I think it was Mark Twain who said,
"Go to heaven for the climate, hell for the company."
Maybe that's why we say - "funny as hell."

Dear Banjo,

I'll check out your book reference. "Words fail me."
I'm especially interested in Australian words. So Thanks for that.

Here's an example heard on a Friday afternoon running late to catch the last flight out of Wagga:

"Sorry, ocker, the Fokker's chocka!"

Here's another:

"Johnno's so laid-back, he's practically fly-blown."

I found that learning Mandarin provided an interesting contrast to English, but it wasn't until I began teaching English that I realized how difficult the language really is to learn.

I remember teaching conditional sentences. I gave this example of the four different kinds:

"If I eat spicy food, I get sick".
"If I eat spicy food, I will get sick".
"If I ate spicy food, I would get sick".
"If I had eaten spicy food, I would have gotten sick".

I had to explain that despite using different tenses, the first three weren't in any way related to tense, and that the third one didn't necessarily take place in the past.

The English grammar of tenses is cruel and unusual punishment for learners, particularly when combined with conditionals. Consider for a moment, this third conditional sentence:

"If I hadn't had the accident, I wouldn't have had to have the surgery, but if I hadn't had the surgery I would have had to have some other kind of treatment."

Imagine trying to learn the logic behind the 'haves' and 'hads' in that sentence.

Or, for a moment, lets consider the brilliant idiocy that can occur as a consequence of dangling participles.

http://ldaley.wordpress.com/2008/02/16/grammar-humor-and-dangling-participles/

"Hanging by their tails from the branches, the children watched the monkeys". (Your children have tails?)

"The man with a bushy moustache carrying a briefcase walked into the station" (That's one badass moustache).

"The boy who cried wolf is harmless". (He said that the wolf is harmless?)

Dear TRTL,

Thank you for your excellent input and given examples.
My father who spoke eight languages had great difficulty
with English. Your post brought back many memories and
funny stories at his attempts in trying to master the language.
He never quite succeeded as fully as he would have liked - but
at least he was able to understand and be understood - which
he considered no small accomplishment as did I.

It looks like this topic has now run its course.
I'd like to Thank everyone who contributed and
I trust that you all had fun. My intention was to make
us take another look at this crazy, yet wonderful
language of ours.

every morning my spirit guardian
wakes me with jokes

this morning it was a word play on gay marr-rage
its a shame i donr recollect it all..but here goes

what the heck is a marr-rage
it has a hus/band...and a wife
but what is the power of the band
that silences the mands hush..with a band

[banned]

beat the band..sound the drums
watchout baby..here johan [no 9]..comes

im married to you..[spake my spirit guide]
we signed on pre your birth [on earth..with mirth]
for me to be wife..to help you husband our joint powers
into true spi-ritual worth

sorry in reading it back
it sounds a bit per-sonal
or even a bit ..maybe best not explained

besides i allready long ago wrote on the marrage of spirit
a trust we should not allow to be 'adult-erated'
ie the meaning..of not commiting adultery
[ie nothing to do with sex]

noting the joke revealed
when you take out the one 's'
now being the 'ex'

ok
n-ex-t

so many annagrams..in the words left 'be-hind'
sent
snot[come to mind]

but satis-faction...

on thinking of the ex
do try to be kind..

dont say the first thing
that came into mind

moere pretty when seen from behind
yet petty..when seen from the mind

sorry on a feedback loop
going to go loopy trying to explain