My father used to say how illogical the English language was. He spoke several languages and he found learning English quite difficult.
I was reminded of this by a recent email that I received from a friend who gave me the following examples:

1) The farm was used to produce produce.

2) I did not object to the object.

3) We must polish the polish furniture.

4) He could lead if he could get the lead out.

5) The bandage was wound around the wound.

6) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

And there were many more - however I thought it may be fun for other posters to come up with their own examples of this wonderful language of ours.

You inputs please...

The English language, now that's an interesting topic.
From the beginning of English settlement there have been multitudes of invasions from mainland Europe each bringing their own language and culture.

Before that England was made of a multitude of tribes each speaking their own language or a variety of dialects. Mix in the languages of the invaders and the English living on the east coast did not understand the English living on the west coast and the English living in the south could not communicate with the English in the north.

With time the language developed as did the dialects and the accepted meaning of the word. We in Australia have the benefit of English migration with the result that the same word or phrase may have a different meaning or duplicate meaning depending on which part of England the settlers came from.

Later migration from Europe and Asia where the language and dialects are not as complicated and diverse created problems to the migrants
trying to learn and understand the English language. As a result we find many of the older generation of migrants unable to speak or comprehend the language we speak in Australia. I believe that in
New Zealand where English settlers came from a limited selection of
English counties the meaning is easier to understand.

I doubt that we will ever resolve the problem of our English language
unless we undertake to simplify it.

They say the English language is one of the most difficult. The spell-check I use gives both US and Australian, then my own cultures vowel pronunciations is again just a pig english which can go into some needing sub-titles for translation:) But I'll give it ago.

1. right, write, wright, rite
2. raise, rays, raze, rase
3. teas, tees, tease, Ts
4. seas, sees, seize, Cs
5. use, ewes, yous, Us
6. pour, pore, paw, poor
7. Wedding Vows or the word vowel as used in the sentence.

In actuality, the US speaks American, not strictly English. The original saxon language had only a couple of hundred words, most of which rhymed with ugh. Every tine we ran across something for which we had no word, we just stole whatever someone else was calling it; so words like moccasin, pizza, etc were suddenly part of our language too. It stands to reason that some sounds will overlap from one language to another, having different meanings dependent on the language we took it from.

Sorry Lexi:) I Googled most of it:) However like on another thread, IA ( Artificial Intelligence ) does take the hard work out of thinking:)

Maybe one day, humans can down-load directly to the brain. Now wont that make threads like this, just a breeze.

LEAP

Dear QL,

Thanks for your great input. Loved it.
The friend who gave me the idea for this thread and emailed me - with heaps of examples made it so much fun. She pointed out paradoxes like - quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. Then a wise man means one thing, whereas a wise guy - is the opposite. The stars are out and they are visible but when the lights are out they are invisible and an alarm goes off by going on.

Dear Aquarius,

Thanks for your post. Pronunciation and spelling in English
sometimes seem illogical or inconsistent. Many words are spelled similarly though pronounced differently. For example, cough, though, through. Other words, such as blue, crew, to, too, shoe, have similar pronounciations but are spelled differently. Many of these variations show changes that happened during the development of English. The spelling of some words remained the same for centuries, though their pronounciations changed. Old English, Middle English, and finally Modern English - are all part and parcel of the development of the language.

Daer Lexi,

It's itnsetrenig taht ploepe can siltl magane to raed wdros eevn wehn tehy are mexid up - as lnog as the frsit and lsat lrettes are in tiehr uuasl pelacs.

Poirot....you just reminded me of my grand-fathers talk with your mix & match words:)

Here is an old song bible song:)

GIN I was God, sittin' up there abeen,
Weariet nae doot noo a' my darg was deen,
Deaved wi' the harps an' hymns oonendin' ringin',
Tired o' the flockin' angels hairse wi' singin',
To some clood-edge I'd daunder furth an', feth,
Look ower an' watch hoo things were gyaun aneth.
Syne, gin I saw hoo men I'd made mysel'
Had startit in to pooshan, sheet an' fell,
To reive an' rape, an' fairly mak' a hell
O' my braw birlin' Earth,--a hale week's wark--
I'd cast my coat again, rowe up my sark,
An' or they'd time to lench a second ark,
Tak' back my word an' sen' anither spate,
Droon oot the hale hypothec, dicht the sklate,
Own my mistak', an, aince I cleared the brod,
Start a'thing ower again, gin I was God.

And here's the translation.

IF I were God, sitting up there above,
Wearied no doubt, now all my work was done,
Deafened by the harps and hymns unending ringing,
Tired of the flocking angels hoarse with singing,
To some cloud edge I'd saunter forth and, faith,
Look over and watch how things were going beneath.
Then if I saw how men I'd made myself
Had started out to poison, shoot and kill [fell],
To steal and rape and fairly make a hell
Of my fine spinning Earth -- a whole week's work --
I'd drop my coat again, roll up my shirt,
And, ere they'd time to launch a second ark,
Take back my word and send another flood [spate],
Drown out the whole shebang, wipe the slate,
Admit my mistake, and once I'd cleared the board,
Start everything ["all-thing"] over again, if I were God

My kids enjoy having fun with this site too:)

http://www.whoohoo.co.uk/scottish-translator.asp

LEAP

Lexi,
This was sent to me recently.

What 9 letter English word can you keep removing a letter from and still make a word from the remainder, until you get to the last letter which is also a word.

It came in a video which I cannot give a link for but is clever.

STARTLING

STARTING

STARING

STRING

STING

SING

SIN

IN

I

Facinating is it not ?

My take on English, is merely a summary of the British series shown on ABC, called 'The English language.'
If you haven't seen it, I believe it was 2009 or 2010. It's available from the ABC shop or some DVD rentals. It makes fascinating learning.

Our rooster got out of the chook pen into the vegie garden.
My father ran out shouting, 'Shoo! Shoo!'
Our neighbour picked up his rifle and shot the rooster.
We no longer talk to our neighbour.

The Polly wants a cracker.
Or do we crack a joke.
So is the joke a cracker
Or is the pollie a joke.

Dear Poirot,

Thanks for that. Very amusing. I guess people see the words as pictures and they don't actually read the letters that's why they can scan a page much quicker than those that read the words.

Dear QL,

This brings back so many memories. Thanks for the poem. Especially the translation. It reminds me when I had the assignment in English Lit. on the Old English heroic epic poem, "Beowulf." I nearly cried. I couldn't make head nor tail of it until I managed to get hold of the translation.

Dear Banjo,

Very clever indeed. And it certainly is fascinating!

Dear Aquarius,

I do remember the series, "The English Language."
The joke is a cracker and the pollie is a joke!
Thanks for that.

I've got a few more. If you have a bunch of "odds and ends," and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

In what other language do you have noses that run and feet that smell?

Or have people recite at a play and play at a recital?

What about the two letter word UP. It has many meanings.
Look it up in a doctionary.

It's easy to understand UP, meaning towards the sky or at the top of the list.

At a meeting why does a topic come UP.

Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and
why is it UP to the secreatary to write UP a report.

We call UP our friends. we wake UP, we use it to brighten UP
a room, polish UP the silver. We lock UP the house. People stir UP
trouble. To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.

I'll now wrap things UP so it's time to shut UP.

As Banjo said, It is fascinating.

Lexi,
In the SW area of WA there are many places with the name ending with UP. Possibly 20 or more. I have heard various reasons for this.

One being that UP is the local aboriginal word for water and the places mean a place with water. Others have cast doubt on this theory so, for me, it still remains a mystery.

Lexi,
Have you heard the discription of the Ins and Outs of Cricket?

I can't recall it but someone here may know it.

Its worth reading.

Dear Banjo,

You've opened up a whole new world for me by taking the word UP even further and now I'm looking up all sorts of Aboriginal words and their meanings as a result. Thank You so much.

I've come across this website concerning some of the town in WA -
and their meanings ending with UP. It may be of interest to you as well:

http://www.albanyaustralia.com/history.htm

I have heard of the terms, "Ins and Outs" in cricket. You're "In" or you're "Out," but I'll let someone who's more familiar with the rules of the game explain it.

Again, Banjo, Many Thanks for the Aboriginal word ending reference.

Lexi,
Looks like I underestimated the number of places ending with UP in WA.

I counted 54 on the page of that link you found. Thankyou for that, it has made me more confused than ever, but you probably thought I was confused anyway. Maybe UP just means 'place of' and add the distinguishing feature to make the name.

I found the UP places on a trip to WA a few years ago and was intrigued by the number of them.

Again thanks for the link, I will send it to our daughter-in-law who came from Busselton, to see what she makes of it all. She did not know either.

Dear Banjo,

You're more than welcome. As I said you've opened up a whole new area
of discovery for me as well. And hopefully I'll be able to visit
WA sometime soon. I work with several colleagues from WA and they
absolutely rave about the place.

Nobody wants to persuade me any more. They just want to convince me.

Travelling the world I frequently encounter the problem of communication resulting from the evolvement of the English language where ever it is spoken. In countries where English is not the national language people learn a confusing understanding of the language which makes it sometimes painful and sometimes humourous in the attempt of communication.

In the late 1940s, 50s, and 60s regional understanding of English words were sometimes difficult while travelling around Australia.
It always made for humourous conversation. Choice of words always identified the origins of the speaker - eg. in "My Fair Lady," prof. Higgins studied English speech patterns and dialects and could pin-point the exact village, town, or street of the speaker.
Have you read the book, Nino Cullotta's "They're a Weird Mob?"

Dear Aquarius,

I read Nino Culotta's (John O'Grady) book, "They're a Weird Mob," some years back. I remember reading the book on a train in Sydney and laughing so hard with people staring at me. It was a great book.
As the author pointed out - Australian use English words, in a way that makes no sense to anyone else. "Well don't stand there like a dill; d'yer wanta beer or dontcha?"

There are many words that have many meanings. The word "good," for example. If you shot someone at a range of 500 yards you might be described as a "good shot," but not necessarily a "good person."
Then there's things like - a "fat chance," and a "slim chance" that are the same thing.

There's plenty more.

cont'd ...

Another example:

I've just seen a magazine cover where Prince William's wife, the Duchess of Cambridge has said, "I can't wait to have children."
Explain to me is she impatient to have children or is she
simply fed up with waiting?

peta..[peter]...just deliverd the pitzza
peter fell in the pit..[pat patted him down]

im hearing the pitter patter of little feet
the natter of the eng/lash lan-guage just cant be beet

im just not feeling it
the real has really left me realing
i think i will just be content to throw out the reel
reel in the real fish...now thats funny...look at one under
such a clumsy bunny...pat come and see the patsee

so many things happen..like the ship birthing
or handing over your pass port sport...as you pass through the port

pass the port pat
you spilled your port on my pass/port
you left your thought behind..in my mind..

but dear..a hind is a female deer dear..
its your behind thats on my mind

pass the port sport
dont de-port yourself shoddily
just stand in the dock and give your testi-money
you swore to tell the truth ruth..but what act of f/act can reveal the truth

i know the facts are frail
left is right...but we only got the right left

Dear OUG,

Very well done. Thank You.

A few more - there's no ham in hamburger. Nor any apples or pine in
pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England or french fries in France. There's no egg in eggplant. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads aren't sweet and are meat. If teachers taught why don't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

The guinea pig becomes even more absurd when you see it in Germany, where it is a Meerschweinchen - quite literally, a 'little pig from the sea'. I can guess where that came from, but it is somewhat lost in translation!

As for English, well, it's a curious beast, isn't it? It has come a long way from this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ooj25_j3k1E (Beowulf in its original tongue). Bill Bryson's book "Mother Tongue" offers an entertaining commentary on the history and diversity of our language. I particularly enjoy the chapter on swearing ... I guess I have some growing up to do! It does, however, need to be taken with a grain of salt, as most of Bryson's work does. He occasionally fails to let the truth get in the way of a ripping yarn.

In a similar vein to your 'fat chance' and 'slim chance', why do we describe it as a 'near miss' when we nearly hit something?

i sem to recall something about crushing..
'the serphant'..under the heel

hell-o...heel is how far from hell
what more is there left to tell

we say we give our hell-o
but there we have..HE/lo

as in HE-aven..or HEll
i note the namy words now
ending in EL...[one of the many names of god]

so EL..is EVEN in the middle of hELl
just as with 'you shall call him emanuEL'
meaning..god[EL]..with[in]...us[all]....hels bells arnt b-ells

to much inmagry to convey
but if we wakeup pre 25 dec 2012
all may yet go wELl

Lexi,
Am currently reading 'Words fail Me' by Hugh Lunn. Its a follow up on his previous 'Lost for Words' both about Aussie language.

Australian Publications by an Aussie author with lots of experience.

Certainly worth reading.

Dear Otokonoko,

I loved "der Meerschweinchen," my daughter-in-law is German and she had so much to tell me about this little creature. I also Googled it to learn more. Bill Bryson's yarns I always enjoy and I shall try to get hold of "Mother Tongue," if only to read the passage on swearing.
Sounds great. There are so many English idioms that are interesting.
Mum's the word. Rob the cradle. Nest egg. Get out of a jam. Make a rod for your own back. The devil is in the detail. Have something up your sleeve. Take the cake. Put on your thinking cap. Cross the line. Talk through a hat...

Dear OUG,

Interesting play on words. I think it was Mark Twain who said,
"Go to heaven for the climate, hell for the company."
Maybe that's why we say - "funny as hell."

Dear Banjo,

I'll check out your book reference. "Words fail me."
I'm especially interested in Australian words. So Thanks for that.

Here's an example heard on a Friday afternoon running late to catch the last flight out of Wagga:

"Sorry, ocker, the Fokker's chocka!"

Here's another:

"Johnno's so laid-back, he's practically fly-blown."

I found that learning Mandarin provided an interesting contrast to English, but it wasn't until I began teaching English that I realized how difficult the language really is to learn.

I remember teaching conditional sentences. I gave this example of the four different kinds:

"If I eat spicy food, I get sick".
"If I eat spicy food, I will get sick".
"If I ate spicy food, I would get sick".
"If I had eaten spicy food, I would have gotten sick".

I had to explain that despite using different tenses, the first three weren't in any way related to tense, and that the third one didn't necessarily take place in the past.

The English grammar of tenses is cruel and unusual punishment for learners, particularly when combined with conditionals. Consider for a moment, this third conditional sentence:

"If I hadn't had the accident, I wouldn't have had to have the surgery, but if I hadn't had the surgery I would have had to have some other kind of treatment."

Imagine trying to learn the logic behind the 'haves' and 'hads' in that sentence.

Or, for a moment, lets consider the brilliant idiocy that can occur as a consequence of dangling participles.

http://ldaley.wordpress.com/2008/02/16/grammar-humor-and-dangling-participles/

"Hanging by their tails from the branches, the children watched the monkeys". (Your children have tails?)

"The man with a bushy moustache carrying a briefcase walked into the station" (That's one badass moustache).

"The boy who cried wolf is harmless". (He said that the wolf is harmless?)

Dear TRTL,

Thank you for your excellent input and given examples.
My father who spoke eight languages had great difficulty
with English. Your post brought back many memories and
funny stories at his attempts in trying to master the language.
He never quite succeeded as fully as he would have liked - but
at least he was able to understand and be understood - which
he considered no small accomplishment as did I.

It looks like this topic has now run its course.
I'd like to Thank everyone who contributed and
I trust that you all had fun. My intention was to make
us take another look at this crazy, yet wonderful
language of ours.

every morning my spirit guardian
wakes me with jokes

this morning it was a word play on gay marr-rage
its a shame i donr recollect it all..but here goes

what the heck is a marr-rage
it has a hus/band...and a wife
but what is the power of the band
that silences the mands hush..with a band

[banned]

beat the band..sound the drums
watchout baby..here johan [no 9]..comes

im married to you..[spake my spirit guide]
we signed on pre your birth [on earth..with mirth]
for me to be wife..to help you husband our joint powers
into true spi-ritual worth

sorry in reading it back
it sounds a bit per-sonal
or even a bit ..maybe best not explained

besides i allready long ago wrote on the marrage of spirit
a trust we should not allow to be 'adult-erated'
ie the meaning..of not commiting adultery
[ie nothing to do with sex]

noting the joke revealed
when you take out the one 's'
now being the 'ex'

ok
n-ex-t

so many annagrams..in the words left 'be-hind'
sent
snot[come to mind]

but satis-faction...

on thinking of the ex
do try to be kind..

dont say the first thing
that came into mind

moere pretty when seen from behind
yet petty..when seen from the mind

sorry on a feedback loop
going to go loopy trying to explain