What is with smart, educated 20-somthings relying on their parents for everything?
I have a friend who is 29 and earning great money but even though she lives on the other side of Melbourne to her folks, they still pay her rent, fund her holidays with her boyfriend and even give her a $400 per week allowance for clothing and petrol.
Her parents aren't particularly wealthy but they tend to see it as a way of keeping close to their daughter.
My other friend Emma, 25, a smart, successful and attractive Real Estate agent appears to have it all together on the outside. But Emma relies on her mum to ring work and 'have words' with her boss when she's giving Emma a hard time, still calls her mum to pick her up from nightclubs at 5am can't seem to deal with any fight, issue, gripe without a teary phone call to mummy dearest.
Why are so many self-sufficient adults still financially and emotionally dependant on their parents?
Do you know others, like my friends, who just can't seem to get it together when it comes to taking control of their lives and living independently

The only people I know like that are work collegues - I think someone my age (24), and still dependent on their parents is, by definition, not someone I'd want to be friends with...

I would consider myself lucky.

My daughters flew the nest at age 20 and 19.

The elder bought her first house at age 21 and asked my advise to buy a second one, she is looking for a mortgagee auction property which she can buy up cheap, as investment. She asked for my help because I own, among other things, a mortgage business and was able to help her out immediately.

The younger one went through a bit of a trial and was anxious to move out from my ex-wife. She is still saving for a property but both girls have been in stable relationships for the past 5 years.

As for the relationship I have with them, I made it clear the rules of my house, I drew the line at boyfriends in the bed on sleep overs.

That was the only tough stand I felt obliged to make.

My girls, I believe, benefitted immensely from having my unconditional love. I treated then according to their age and maturity and we have the best relatonship any parent and child could wish for. We do not live in each others pocket, they have their lives and I have mine. They are independent and I am plesed to see them so.

I feel sorry for those whose kids hang around a long time after they should have flown (my brothers daughters are a bit like that) My take on it is, unless someone wants to make their own way in the world, they are likely not to discover independence and will drift form a parent-child dependency to a partner dependency relationship, not a good basis to form relationships on.

Well, Bo...maybe I am old fashioned, but I think I'm like a mother bird - when my chicks are old enough I'm chucking them out of the nest where they'll have to learn to fly.

My children have all been told for a while now, that while they are in school or training, their dad and I will support them, while they are getting established they'll pay a minimum board, but once they turn 25 they are out of here. I truly think that any education and training for a career should be finished by then.

While they live at home, they are being made to save money, cook, help out with the cleaning and respect the rules. They know that once they are on their own, their lives are theirs to lead, they can live how they want - I'm just training them for real life. They have to earn their pocket money, budget what they earn and if they run short, find a way to make their ends meet.

But I have to say, the parents of your friends are not helping their kids. Not at all. How can they grow and be their own person if mummy and daddy will catch them if they fall? My kids may fall, they may get a few bruises, but they will be learning all the while.

katheedavis

Parents should be there to help pick their kids up when they fall, not stop them falling in the first place. People only learn properly through their own mistakes. Turn 'em loose, with the message that you'll be there to help, but not to do it for them.

Unfortunately I have seen too many parents that get a self-esteem boost from being needed, so have little motivation of their own for pushing the kids out of the nest when it comes tome to leave. Parents should have had more children, then they wouldnt have so much time to devote to mollycoddling one or two.

Parents should be there to help pick their kids up when they fall, not stop them falling in the first place. People only learn properly through their own mistakes. Turn 'em loose, with the message that you'll be there to help, but not to do it for them.

Unfortunately I have seen too many parents that get a self-esteem boost from being needed, so have little motivation of their own for pushing the kids out of the nest when it comes time to leave. Parents should have had more children, then they wouldnt have so much time to devote to mollycoddling one or two.