We've all made mistakes.

We've all done things that we wish we hadn't done.

We've all missed opportunities and blown more of them than we care to admit.

I thought it may be beneficial to share some of our regrets with each other. They can be funny, embarrasing,sad, or frustrating. It's up to you.

My biggest regret was that I didn't attend my father's funeral. My husband and I were in Canada, when I got the news that my father had died suddenly of a massive coronary at the age of 52. It came as a shock. He'd had no history of a heart condition, and was a very fit and energetic man. My mother persuaded me not to fly home - but continue with our trip. I never got to say good-bye to him and have closure. I wish I could re-live that moment and change that decision.

Your turn ...

I've a few.

One of them's not all that dissimilar to yours, Foxy.

A while back, some of my family were travelling to New Zealand to see my grandmother. I didn't go, I was busy with work.

She'd recently finished a degree - when she was young, she hadn't had the opportunity to go to university to study history.
As an elderly woman, with her husband long dead and with spare time, she finished that dream.
She went back and aced the course, enjoying it immensely.

The result of her efforts was a huge tome - she'd painstakingly compiled a massive dossier on particular historical events relating to her thesis. It was quite fascinating.

As someone who had studied at university at a similar time to her and someone who'd always shared a certain interest in politics and history with her, she specifically sent me one of only two copies of her work, rather than the other relatives.

But I was bogged down at work and busy. I told myself I didn't have time to read such an enormous work but that I'd get around to it. Basically, the same reasons I didn't visit.

She was healthy for her age, which is why it was a shock that a few months after the family visit, cancer ripped through her at a rapid speed.
By the time I heard the news, family were already flying to be with her and within days she'd died.

She died before I read her work, despite the fact I'd had it for three months.
Although I was busy I wasn't so busy I couldn't have made time. I'm sure we'd have enjoyed discussing it.

This was a possibility I should have foreseen I guess, but that's the thing - it's not something you consider when they're your family. It seems stupid in hindsight.

After hearing she died, I took her work and cocooned myself alone with it for a few days and nights. I barely stopped reading for any of that time, emerging red-eyed but with all of it read.

Biggest regret; not fighting.

Little two year old terrified and her arms are wrapped around my neck, her legs are around my waist. She is screaming “No No No…” Her new NGO chosen mother who never bothered coming to meet her before this day is standing there saying “it’s all right we’re used to it”.

Was only three months ago but deep down I wish I had shouted at her, told her children do not scream like this when people care. Told her this little one had never screamed since I got her as a baby.

When people care they do not accept terror as an option. I wish I had walked back inside with the wee girl and commanded it was not done this way.

You know when the inevitable is going to happen anyway but you just need a little more time to make it okay? I hope this little one is okay now, but given the attitude I struck within DoCS and with the new parents I doubt she is.

This doubt keeps me held quite tightly within that feeling of regret and it hasn’t loosened its grip for a moment.

I am sorry for your regrets Foxy and TRTLeft, we’d all like to go back in time.

It may be just a guy thing, but...

I don't believe that actually experience regret, as such.

But...reflective embarrassment, yes, most certainly.

That moment when you go hot-and-cold while recalling an incident from the past that - oh, boy, would I ever do it differently today... Whatever must he/she/they have thought of me?

But regret is more difficult to pin down.

Do I regret not being more interested in my grandfather's WWI experience as a seventeen year-old in the mud of the trenches, that used to make him cry, silently, as he stood motionless against the mantlepiece at Christmas?

Sort of. But it's more like a learning experience, reminding myself not to allow opportunities like that to pass again.

Do I regret getting married too young? It was certainly a mistake that took a dozen years and a lot of pain to a number of people to resolve. But regret? Don't think so.

But embarrassment, now there's a thing...

Do you mean apart from not meeting Foxy , Fractelle, Bronwyn, Pelican, Romany, Oh hell most of the reasonable women on OLO before they met their respective hubbies what memories we could have made :-).....weeel then they all have one regret in common :-\.
Some days I regret just getting out of bed. On those days things start off bad and just get worse.
I do have the odd regret usually over things I've done particularly if it has hurt someone else. Rarely by intention but by acting in haste and regret at leisure.

Embarrassing whell...tragically too many to count. Ladies in my life have often said that being tangled up with me is NEVER boring creates lots of regrets but never boring.

To give you a flavour the night I organized going to a dockside pub with mates and we got Shanghied. Or the night I got home and found a fountain head from a city park sitting in the lounge. The night we conned a guy to wash my car with his hankie ...to remove the finger prints. Or the day I went up behind my girlfriend in the street and pinched her bum only to find it wasn't her....it was a police woman going to work....(oops). The time I got drunk and got into the wrong bed... apparently the girl complained telling me I was in her bed and I told her I didn't mind if she didn't snore too loud and promply went to sleep (hic). The time I slept off a good night at mums waking in the morning with a black BMW and not knowing how or where the owner lived.And when I did return it her front door opened and there war another door with a waist coat well he filled the door and And I could only remember her name as 'Honey chops'(oops er "oh my gawd...don't hit me..please"). The night while at consular party I collapsed onto the buffee face first.(doesn't every one?)
Like I said life has been interesting. And if I ever find that chinaman I'll....... :-| :-)

Being a bit bi-polar, I did have something of a misspent youth, but I don't really regret any of my adventures. Those memories will bring a smile to my face in my dotage. Especially my ability to get out of tricky situations. Gift of the gab, I guess.

I do regret my lack of self esteem that lead me into a bad marriage at an early age.

My back regrets my indulging extreme sports such as abseiling and the occasional fall from my motorbike. My back has been extremely regretful the past few weeks.

I regret the Protestant work ethic that meant I kept on working when I really should've taken a break.

However, the paths my bad decisions have taken me on have lead to a level of understanding of both myself and others that I never would've realised had I taken the 'safe' route.

I wouldn't trade a single adventure for financial security - something will turn up - it always does. Landing on one's feet after a long fall is exhilarating.

Adrenalin is still intoxicating - I just don't need as much these days.

Foxy, I also lost my dad at an early age, when I was very angry at him for being drunk again. Caused major depressive episode.

Examinator - we have all met - right here right now. I think that is fantastic.

'Do you mean apart from not meeting Foxy , Fractelle, Bronwyn, Pelican, Romany, Oh hell most of the reasonable women on OLO before they met their respective hubbies what memories we could have made :-)'

Seriously man that's just sad and sickening. I'll bet they'll lap it up too.

I have no regrets. Why regret stuff when you don't know how it would have turned out had you done the opposite.

Maybe I regret a few female flatmates over the years who I ignored and moralised away to keep to my resolution to not 'screw the crew' for a less complicated life, but really I probably did the right thing. Added bonus I probably drove them insane how I didn't pick up any of their very unsubtle come-ons.

Houllie

You don't like women very much do you? Not a single post you have made since joining OLO indicates that you feel anything more positive than contempt for women who speak their minds.

I predict, in your dotage, that you will regret not making more friends of both females and males who genuinely like and respect each other.

'Not a single post you have made since joining OLO indicates that you feel anything more positive than contempt for women who speak their minds.'

Haha. This from the woman who is still haunted by the ghost of Benny Hill, and thinks all guys categorize women as fuckable or not, and believes any male who speaks their mind is bullying her. I'd be looking at your opinion of men if I were you before looking at others. Besides, since you see everything in gender terms, you obviously don't notice the contempt I have for the male posters. As you missed my contempt for examinator in this case.

You can predict lots of things I bet. Pity you don't know me and haven't the faintest idea of who I am.

See what frustrates you is that I refuse to suck up to you like examinator is, or 'thank you for you contribution', or empathise with you in any way when you appeal for sympathy/attention, or praise you on your googling work. Well, just because I don't play by your rules, doesn't mean I'm incapable of making friends in the real world. I treat OLO posters like the anonymous entities that they are. The 'people' on here are nothing more than a distraction from doing work, a passing amusement. I have real friends and real people who fulfil me, I come here for a good argument, monty python style.

What a lovely thread!

THE BROOCH:

I was a young married, we had very little money. He brought me a secondhand brooch. My young eyes saw it as gaudy and horrible;-I thought it was a joke. I laughed. I choke up every time I get it out of its box to wear it. I love it, and bitterly regret that thoughtless reaction all these years later.

THE DAY LILY:

I'd dash out to the car. My elderly neighbour always tried to get me to look at the latest flowers in her garden, particularly when she showed me her first, perfect day lily.
I professed some interest, and dashed off. The last time I saw her was in the nursing home-where she no longer knew who I was.
I love gardening now. It would have cost nothing to show enthusiasm for the day lily. I can't even tell her of my regret, she can't even remember that she lived here.

For A, and for T;-I'm so sorry.

"because I don't play by your rules, doesn't mean I'm incapable of making friends in the real world. I treat OLO posters like the anonymous entities that they are. The 'people' on here are nothing more than a distraction from doing work, a passing amusement. I have real friends and real people who fulfil me, I come here for a good argument, monty python style."

Houellebecq, that immediatly bought to mind that "Every sperm is sacred" song.

Interesting about "real" people. When I ran my BBS years ago any user could go to a particular pub in the middle of Wellington once a month. This just about put an end to any rude comments in type.

When you can approach someone who was rude to you online and say "you speak to me like that again and I will smash you you slimey little sh!t" it seems bring out much better manners in people.

I also met my husband of 13 years running that site so sometimes the people on line can become very real and very important.

Regret: Wish I had smashed a few more slimey little sh!ts back then.

Whinge: Why can't I put the i in the sh_t and you can say F'able? Huh?

Too many regrets to enumerate, but I don't think it pays to dwell upon them. At any rate, I'm very happy now in my life and I wouldn't be where I am if I hadn't done absolutely everything I did the way that I did en route.

You know, the butterfly wings and all that...

And Houellebecq, I agree that you come across as someone who doesn't like anybody very much. Nearly all your posts at OLO are some kind of snide put-down of others (women more so than men), and few contain any comment of substance.

At least you're an honest troll though.

Jewely

As Houllie does not see the other contributors to OLO as fully human he feels quite justified in being as insulting as he likes.

The behaviour of a psychopath unable to empathise with others.

Also I am now in regular contact with some posters here, have been for 2 years now. This is possible because I know that everyone here is human with all the feelings and faults which go with being human.

This is not the "Spanish Inquisition" ;-), but I sure feel like slapping Houllie with a dead fish (thanks Monty Python).

This is where we share thoughts, opinions and ideas and jokes too. We may not all agree, but that is the point, none of us would learn anything if we were all a bland homogeneous group. Just because a women disagrees with you does not make her a man-hater as you seem to infer.

And why do you go in for demeaning men who actually agree with some of the opinions expressed by women? You really need to reflect on that.

"As Houllie does not see the other contributors to OLO as fully human he feels quite justified in being as insulting as he likes.
The behaviour of a psychopath unable to empathise with others."

Hey Fractelle, Houllie might be young or something? I rang a user off my "board" once to tell them to pull their head in and how embaressing to get a 12 year olds mummy on the phone! He had put his age down as forty something.

"Also I am now in regular contact with some posters here, have been for 2 years now. This is possible because I know that everyone here is human with all the feelings and faults which go with being human."

That is very cool. And I'm not suggesting the odd cutting remark should be sucked up though - I had great fun with Col. I think I was more facinated with just how rude someone can get on a site like this.

I was quite nervous about joining OLO and read stuff for awhile before registering. I regret the delay!

Jewely

I do believe that Houllie is very young indeed.... but not in years.

But hey, you are more than capable of making up your own mind - you don't have to take my word for anything. I really enjoy the perspective you bring to this forum and I really hope you do hang around because I believe you have a lot to offer here.

Cheers m'dear

Oh wow, I'm so important people have decided to faux-analyse me!

'As Houllie does not see the other contributors to OLO as fully human he feels quite justified in being as insulting as he likes.
The behaviour of a psychopath unable to empathise with others.'

What's more honest and desirable? A 'psychopath' who doesn't see anonymous comments on a screen as people, and takes debating points for the value of the argument and is not interested in making 'friends'.

Or... A woman who does see posters as people BUT insults them with intent to hurt what she sees as a real person, but still sees herself as 'nice', ignores posters' points if she doesn't 'like' the poster, and is obsessed with the gender of the posters that disagree with her.

'Just because a women disagrees with you does not make her a man-hater as you seem to infer.'

No I don't infer. I infer a woman who sees all men as base sexual beasts who judge women on looks alone as a man hater. Or a woman who is obsessed with the gender of people who disagree with her, and even thinks that people could only possibly disagree with her 'friends' because they have a problem with said friends agreeing with people of her own gender!

'And why do you go in for demeaning men who actually agree with some of the opinions expressed by women? You really need to reflect on that.'

I don't really need to do anything. That's your screwed up view of the world. I didn't 'demean' examinator anyway. I cringed at a sad attempt at flirting. The neediness of it all. That you pass your skewed judgement on who and why and how I relate to other posters and relate everything back to gender says a lot more about you.

Jewely,

I cant believe that word got through either. But I cant take credit for the word, I'm merely quoting Fractelle.

H,
You come across like a child with floaties on their arms wanting to play in the big pool before you know how to swim properly.
You'd be wise to watch and learn. Your assumptions are well immature.

Written word has nuances as well as the spoken. Yet when the words are clear and precise you insist on proving your abilities beyond a doubt,
By trying to be clever with your monochromatic perception.

The very transparent nature of my comment signaled not flirting but good natured mutuality.
The eat it up both insulted all of us (if we had taken you seriously or cared what you thought on that topic.) and embarrassed your self you alienated yourself. I would sincerely advise that being negative all the time with the women on this site only reminds them of the six year old boy who bullied them in primary school because he couldn't relate any other way. Wit needs compassion not negativity to be accepted by intelligent people. Negativity simply draws more negativity around them. Stick to the topic is a good start..

Dear TRTL,

My heart goes out to you regarding your grandmother.
But you had no way of knowing she was going to die.
I'm sure wherever she is, she knows you've read her
thesis.

Dear Jewely,

Some things are out of our control.
I'm so sorry about your little girl.
But you did what you could.

Dear Pericles,

I'm happy for you, that you're able to
not regret anything in your life.
Your life's path must be made of conrete,
not quicksand - like some of ours at times.

Dear examinator,

Wow, what a gentleman (and a charmer).
I'm almost jealous having to share you with all the
other ladies!
You've certainly led an interesting life!
Even Houellebecq is envious - and feels the need to
snipe (poor thing!).

Dear Ginxy,

You put a lump in my throat and tears in my
eyes. Thank you for sharing!

Dear CJ,

I'm glad that you're happy now. It sounds
Like you've got everything you want.
You're partner is a lucky lady!

Last but not least:

Dear Houellebecq,

So, you can resist all women by the sound of it?

I bet you wouldn't have been able to
resist me. Unless of course you wouldn't have
found a tall, (five feet, 10 inches) lass, with a
mane of thick, wavy, red hair, almond-shaped
hazel eyes, killer cheek bones, a peaches and cream
complexion, with a slender build, extremely long legs,
small hips, an appetizing cleavage, an infectious smile
with a dimple in her cheek, who was quick to blush,
flirted outrageously with both sexes, while still
retaining her ladylike demeanor at all attractive?
A girl who had a sensuality, yet vulnerability about
her - and one who was shy and humble as well.

People, Houelle's more-or-less admitted he enjoys being abrasive here. Thus, when you give his little tanties attention, you're doing what he wants. Let it go. I did, the moment I saw the double standard of his first post in this thread - doing what he had a go at Fractelle for, treating the other gender as meat. Rather amusing hypocrisy.

Getting back to topic... one regret I have, is not ignoring the abrasive types around here more often to focus on more productive or interesting matters.

But I'm getting there.

You're pretty egotistical aren't ya!

Anyway, the 'The eat it up' was a further illustration of your insecurity. Oh no I shouldn't assume you all like me so. Please reciprocate!

I find this interesting that people think I don't have empathy, or that I 'cant' relate any other way. I CHOOSE to relate the way I do, and you guys just cant accept anyone who doesn't engage in your social contract. Just because someone refuses to make small talk, share corny jokes or be 'nice', doesn't mean they don't have the ability to. The mistake you make is that I should have a desire to get along with you lot, on your terms, and if I don't I am lacking in some way.

TRTL,

I don't think you understand the entertainment that is provided when you give the judgemental someone to lord over. It makes some folks feel great about themselves when they have someone to feel superior to and castigate and ponder over how emotionally flawed this person is.

'treating the other gender as meat'
WTF. My regret is that I was a little too precious in attempting not to do that. When I think back at a flatmate in the shower who knocked on the wall to my bedroom, said she forgot her towel, I went to get it and it was placed neatly on the corner of the bed, I opened the door (unlocked), put my arm with the towel in carefully not looking , she says 'I cant reach it', I push in further trying to keep my head turned, she says she still cant reach, so I drop it on the floor and close the door. You know that kind of stupid gentlemanly behaviour!

Foxy,

I have resisted women based on a desire not to complicate friendships and/or ruin the dynamics of a happy house share. On reflection I have pondered whether I have tied myself up too much in scruples, and whether I should have been less worried about morals and such, and just gone with the flow and to hell with the consequences.

C’mon Houllie baby, you are defiantly making small talk. And thank goodness for all of you that do otherwise us bored housewife types would never see an opening to start making replies. Well, beyond all the questions I ask anyway.

Funny cause anon or not I was really nervous about posting on here. You are a funny little community but like it or not you are one.

I loved the way the women were nice to me and no matter what man stuff Yabby is going to come up with; I thank you.

Oh a Regret; I am going to run out but this one is freaky. My daughter was sick, 15 months old and had been sick for months and going through all sorts of horrible tests. A doctor decided to do more tests and suggested she had toxoplasmosis and then he explained it comes from cats.

I went straight home and drowned my cat.

Test was negative.

This event is now filed under “Oops” and also under” OMG what the hell was I thinking”, and for awhile I filed it under “I am so going to Hell”.

As a person who respects the environment.If I get to heaven first I'll put in a good word for you. I dislike cats in Australia they're like rats, cane toads, feral pigs, feral dogs, Goats, rabbits, buffalo introduced pests that destroy not add to the environment.

Perhaps you should get a shorn Shihzu ( the next thing to a cat that barks)doesn't loose its wool and is a child tolerant low maintenance dog not to yappy but always ready for a scratch, friendly and will die an 15 yo puppy.

PS have you read the series of 101 uses for a dead cat? and the cat's revenge '101 uses for a dead human' and another 101 uses for a dead dog they're ingeniously funny. :-)

Probably too many to list here - not really regrets but missed opportunities.

Those times you could have chosen a different path on the road and you chose the safe route or being too immature to take up some amazing opportunities as they arose.

The usual stuff.

Dear Fractelle,

I'm sorry about your father, and can identify
with your depressive episode. I under went
counseling as well - it hit me a lot later.

I can also understand your work ethic. I have
to consciously tell myself that it's allright
to take time off - without feeling guilty.

I'm glad that you're back posting again - 'cause
you've been greatly missed!

Dear Houellebecq,

You're a difficult guy to figure out.

I'll just have to learn not to take offense,
because from the way you explain things - I
take it that you don't really mean any of it
personally, - it's just your style.

And, you're a fan of Monty Python?
So am I. Are you familiar with Stephen Fry and
Hugh Laurie? My sons gave my husband a DVD set
"A bit of Fry & Laurie," (BBC- The Complete
Collection - Series One - Four). If you like
Python - you'd enjoy this. Great satire, comic
genius and a hilarious use of language.

Dear Jewely,

Sorry to hear about the cat. But if you're a cat
lover don't get hold of the book that examinator
recommends - it's funny - but not for cat lovers.
I'd suggest a magazine that was published called,
"Catmopolitan," (based on Cosmo...) full of articles
like, 'Catatonic Catastrophe! Catnip - The Drug Problem,'
and 'Jackie Collars, sharpens her claws in her new
novel, Hollywood Housecats,' and 'The Cat's out of the
bag - he's been pussyfooting around...'

Hilarious stuff!

I've just remembered another regret. My mother-in-law
lived with us for a few years and it was very
difficult. I won't go into details, but what I didn't
realize at the time was that she was at the beginning
stages of Alzheimers. Her mood swings were dreadful.
Anyway, my husband ended up placing her into an
assisted-living facility. Once she was diagnosed with
her illness and given medication - her personality
settled down and she was able to cope much better.
I regret deeply having to place her into that facility.

I don't know if I have too many regrets. I would probably do things differently if I had the last ten years over again, but then again I wouldn't have learnt from my (countless) mistakes if I did. The thing is, every regret I have is transient. Two days ago, I was reflecting on the two years I spent going to the pub almost every weekend. I reflected on the effect on my liver, the effect on my wallet and the effect on my reputation. But hell - I enjoyed it at the time, I got through uni with a very good GPA and have held a good job since. And even if I had saved all my money over those two years, I still wouldn't be able to afford a house.

Of late I have also been reflecting on my decision to accept a place in the BEd course rather than completing my LLB or BSc (Biotech) at uni. When I'm up late marking, when I'm trying to stretch my pay out to keep me afloat, when I'm putting up with abuse from students and their parents, I become very reflective. When I see the money my brother earns and the leisured life he is able (at least occasionally) to lead, I almost become regretful.

But, when I'm supervising kids on a beach, or on an overseas trip, all regret dries up. When I'm marking the stories of the Patrick Whites of the 21st Century, or when I'm stopped in the street by a student who is keen to introduce me to his (or her) parents, or when I'm stopped by a former student who just wants to say 'thanks', I know I made the right choice.

At the end of the day, had I done things differently I may well be dead right now - and I might not have experienced as much joy before I fell off the perch.

*Do you mean apart from not meeting Foxy , Fractelle, Bronwyn, Pelican, Romany, Oh hell most of the reasonable women on OLO before they met their respective hubbies what memories we could have made :-)*

Ah, perhaps the ultimate male sleaze here :) Agree with them, pay
them compliments they want to here, it makes them feel great.
Next he'll perhaps be wanting to meet them offline and they will likely
fall for the whole thing and believe every word!

I've seen it all happen before lol

Regrets, what are they. So far I have no regrets. I don’t regret leaving Queensland and setting up shop in Sydney, I don’t regret studying law for three years, and for being an absolute pain in the backside to public servants. I don’t regret not remarrying yet after 26 years of living with a good woman. I don’t regret any of my three boys, or the daughter I think I have. But then my God has blessed me and is still blessing me.

I have been blessed with a cat like agility, that has saved my life countless times, I have been blessed with a mind that continually seeks out solutions to complex problems, and I am blessed with some of the best friends a man can have. Some of them are female. In fact I love females. I am not sure I will ever understand you completely, you women, but I know that if it was not for the way you inspire men, Sydney would still be scrub.

If I have one regret it could be that I allowed a younger woman I loved to run off, but I still love her, and she has made her own nest to live in. A study of unrequited love reveals that it drove many geniuses to great heights, and it may well be that this is what God wanted for me.

Regrets, nah. I still have work to do, and I would regret it if I gave up now. I don’t regret loving my God, and the more I learn about him, the humbler I get. He is an absolute genius, and his will be done, not mine. I almost got elected to Parliament once. I so frightened the powers that were, that they stacked the preselection committee with a dozen city types, and I missed out by about three votes, in an absolute blue ribbon safe seat. Actually they did me a favor, because I have seen what a crappy job being a member can be. So I am the colt with no regrets and I am not dead yet

Nope, NO regrets at all, I just can't get into wasting time or emotions on what can't be changed.
I've had an "interesting" life, in the sense of the old Chinese curse, lol, but it has landed me where I am now, and I am happy, so I see nothing I'd want to change, even if I could.
Three wonderful young people call me "Dad", and appear to love me, and that only happened because of all the pain, hospital, gaol, brawls, years of toil, re-building, myself and my life, it was ALL worth it, for that moment when those big wide eyes look up at you and the little smile happens, I'd do it all again, just for that, and I got it thrice!
NO REGRETS!

I thought of another one, gosh this regret thing is like a snowball Foxy! I did not put 6 years of digital family photos and movies on to a disc and my puter broke. Spewing, I don’t think there is an editor that could repeat what I said that day. Actually I haven’t for the last six years either… crap.

I don’t even know if l like cats, I like dogs in general but I think with cats it’s more the individual. But thank you Examinator and if I get there first I’ll try not let on I know you and ruin your chances.

Seriously enjoyed Houllies “throwing in the towel” story. I’m starting to think it was made up.

Pelican I think we might even need a good definition of a “regret” to go on. I sort of figured it was circumstances that left a bad feeling…but maybe that is too general?

I don’t think those are “your” regrets Fractelle, I think you have taken other peoples. I really don’t like reading that the only regrets that are yours are the regret of fun. Apologies if I got it wrong, always hard to understand a message without tone.

Did anyone believe Pericles?

I regret having to copy and paste your name Otokonoko, where did you get it? What is Bed LLD?

You Peter seem to be the most centred person I have ever come across, maybe this is what strong faith gives people, I am a bit jealous of it.

Yabby, I’d like to arrange to meet you one day, you would get such a smack.

What bought me to OLO was the little girl that was taken and Max I think our regrets of not doing better and wanting to improve so we don’t make the same mistakes are not emotions wasted.

Yes, I'm on Maximilion's team. I have no regrets either, after a similarly "interesting" life to date.

Mind you, I had, along the way, to make a conscious decision to achieve that state.

I finally arrived at an analogy (probably not a very original one) between life and a jigsaw puzzle.

When I was younger and, also, at the time certain things were/are happening, all I could see was a disjointed muddle of individual pieces. Even when some of the parts could be seen to click together I couldn't see the overall picture yet emerging.

But once I learned to stand back from the work-in-progress and view it more objectively (hey, it is, after all, only a jigsaw and the day it is completed it will just get scattered all over the table once again for someone else to take over)I began to realise that even the chunks that didn't make sense yet would finally contribute to the whole.

I also gained the confidence to know that the bits I hadn't turned over yet, that still showed their blank cardboard side, would eventually all fit seamlessly in.

So hey, I don't regret starting this particular jigsaw - even though I know it'll never get hung in the Louvre!

I'm so touched by the concern over my 'pick up lines (?) by the some posters however misplaced.
Although I suspect one want to replace me (he misunderstands both my and the ladies motivation). the others appear to have issues with male-female communications on OLO.

What they seem to miss is the difference between the METHODS and purpose of communication.
OLO males tend to communicate in terms of Alpha male determination i.e. a competitive sport.

The women and some men (I am only one) choose the to communicate with real people rather than egos and on a meaningful level.

Also on that line not every M/F conversation (by general consensus of the the immediate participants)has sexual(as in bump and grind) overtones/under currents .

NB This is clearly NOT an exclusively female trait. It's an attitudinal one.

Neither does any suggested off line contact hide any 'ulterior' motives.

ALL SO Note:- there is NO conspiracy or clicks. Just a commonality of approach. We definitely have differences any agreement comes from the approach and shared level of discussion.

Gentlemen, please get with the game as it is played by the participants. To do otherwise is WOT and impresses no one.

Dear Otokonoko,

It seems to me that you've lead a very
rich and fulfilling life. With very little
to regret. I admire teachers so much. The
job is not an easy one - you need Solomon's
wisdom, Freud's insight, Einstein's knowledge,
and Florence Nightingale's dedication. I couldn't
do it. Yet you can. Bravo!

Dear Yabby,

You didn't share any regrets with us - which
is a bit disappointing.
Maybe next time?

Dear Peter,

You sound as if you've got the right balance in
your life. I envy you that so much.

Dear Max,

Three wonderful young people call you "Dad."
Sounds good to me!

Dear Jewely,

Your powers of observation are inspiring.
I love reading your posts.

Dear Romany,

I loved your jigsaw analogy, and it just may
well hang in the National Gallery one day.
It would be a very rich, interesting, multi-coloured,
kaleidoscope. I for one would love to see the complete
tapestry. I think it would be stunning!

Dear examinator,

From my point of view your line that referred
to some of the females on this Forum was seen
simply as a bit of flirtation, to which nobody
I would think, could object. There were no sexual
suggestions or inferences in your remark that
could come under the heading of "sleaze."

However, when posting on a Forum, I suppose we
all have to be careful which line not to cross -
and perhaps that's what Yabby was referring to.
I don't know. We do have to be careful in our choice
of words - what is acceptable in private emails
between people - perhaps should not appear of public
Forums. Discretion needs to be applied sometimes.

But I agree in this case, nothing was said that anybody
could take offence at.

It is interesting reading different experiences and views here!

I know regrets are pointless in that we cannot change the past, but they're human. Memories can be haunting.

Some of my text disappeared? on my original post. I had said this: it was the look. It was the look of pain and hurt on his face after such eager anticipation,-when I opened the box with the brooch.
Contrary to some opinion here on OLO, I do not set out to hurt. That day I hurt someone I cared for deeply in the most profound manner. Too right I regret that. All I can do for him is not to forget.

I don't carry these things every day,-just when I wear The Brooch.

I have one other regret;- and also a deep sadness about a situation. These are too intensely private to share.

Foxy
Point taken and I'll keep that in mind and comply.
However I think you're being a little overgenerous with their interpretations especially when it comes to some of their other comments that infer 'the female mafia etc.' 'the thought police 'and endless attacks on opinions that don't comply with their 'male' emotional reasoning.
The 'mate only' signals weren't lost on me. Like I've said before I don't think in other terms unless confronted with vastly more direct invitation.
Like I also said I would like to talk to Romany for my journalistic education. And I thought because of my background I might be able to offer Fractelle some 'mate' help which was not appropriate on OLO (OLO isn't a sensitive place),perhaps not. Beyond that not nothing is on my radar. I have my own issues to deal with.

The sleaze is someone else's problem. Thanks for the heads up.

Examinator

I am reminded of nothing greater than a primary school yard replete with "girl germs", "boy germs" and "only sissies play with girls" and the like.

Any male who does not fit the blokey mould are referred to as lap-dogs or sleazes by other adult males for crying out loud! These "manly" men haven't matured beyond 6th year. And they wonder why they have 'problems' relating to women.

One thing I won't regret in my dotage is that I have friends from ALL genders.

What I will regret is if I keep wasting my life trying to convince a bunch of 'people' that I have a right to express my opinion whether they agree or not, and that responding with personal insults is neither clever nor free expression; it is simply childish and pathetic.

BTW - I did email you - twice.

“I am reminded of nothing greater than a primary school yard replete with "girl germs", "boy germs" and "only sissies play with girls" and the like.”

Hi Fractelle,

Often the kids with me are quite isolated, for sometimes months at a time. In my house they play with anything, jewelry, cars, trampoline, dolls. They don’t know what is for boys and what is for girls or that girls and boys have roles in the big wide world.

My husband and I do equal domestic stuff so they get no clues there.

The word girl and boy only point out a particular physical difference.

It is amazing… boys are just as nurturing (when little, I can only speak for under five year olds) and girls just as mean. I don’t know, maybe hormones change this but I suspect it is society.

Often a new boy (gender specific usually means taboo to males with kids) comes along and says something like “eeww that’s for girls”, all children look at him like he is nuts. Probably get a collective reply like “shuddup Yabby”.

Isolate and allow no male/female concepts, sit back and observe, fascinating stuff.

This may mean there is hope for society, at some point. I know I went well off track, born to blither.

Jewely

My young nephew was always into cuddles, but now he's 12 so doesn't get into such 'baby' stuff.

BUT

He still helps his frail 84 year old Granny with anything she wants, and insisted that his 12th birthday be celebrated at her home.

There is always hope.

Dear Ginxy,

I know you don't set out to hurt.
You're a softie. I love your sense
of humour and your gutsy style of
posting - which has me laughing so hard
at times that I can't see the computer screen
for the tears. You provide the extra zing
that we sometimes desperately need on OLO.

Dear examinator,

Try not to let personal attacks get to you.
You strike me as a man who knows exactly
what he wants out of life and how to get it,
so spoilers on this Forum - should merely be
irksome - nothing more.

Or put another way - as I said on another post -
It's sad but not all men are created equal, and
you are one of the superior kind. Besides you've
got good taste in women!

Dear Fractelle,

You've summed things up beautifully and I
fully agree with you.

Your nephew sounds like an angel - and his
gran's a very lucky lady.

Dear Jewely,

I've said it once and I'll say it again -
you're such a joy! And the children you care
for are so lucky to have you as a mum.
They'll end up as happy, well adjusted, fully
functional adults - thanks to you. Bless you!

Hey Foxy, I don't think I am doing well. Lack a certain udnerstanding of a bigger picture within politics or the way things work here. But thank you thank you thank you, I would have run away awhile ago if not for the ones like you and Romany, Fractelle, Ginx and some wonderfully helpful and supportive men.

Fractelle I was going to say that I mis-spoke earlier. There is one gender specific thing in my house. The bathing and toileting, nappy changes - with my dughters occasional help.

Amazing amount of it at times but when fostering we must always protect our men (husband and 18 year old son)from allegations.

Dealing with small children in our society does seem to be a part of society that men are not yet safe in.

Overseas I loved that men weren't scared, they played with others children all the time.