The doco ‘My Mother, My Abuser’ screened on SBS Thursday night 30 November 06.

This doco gave voice to some of the most moving accounts of female abuse I have ever heard. It is truly surprising to me how powerful is the force in this culture to deny the existence of large quantities of real, nasty, heinous violence on the part of women especially when it concerns sexually abusing their own children. It is odd how we can quite readily recognize abuse with a father as perpetrator but when it is mother it seems to get surrounded by smoke and mirrors.

There are elements in this society that are simply in denial about the quantity and variety of the many forms that female violence takes. While some sources will acknowledge the depth of the problem when dealing with older female victims they suddenly retreat into ' it is not significant' when dealing with child or male victims. The denial of abuse by women is now systemic with bureaucracies usually stonewalling to prevent exposure of embarrassing data and the media usually too intimidated to expose this phenomenon because of the negative response they can expect from their mainly female viewers.

There was a particularly poignant moment for me when talking about the victims still trying to gain their mother's love and approval just hoping that their mother would admit the abuse and apologize but as the psychologist admitted, 'it never happens' the mother's never admit, the mother's never apologize. There is something in the impunity we, as a culture, allow mothers that allows abusive mothers to take an unrelenting, unrepentant position and still find that acceptable. Men are expected to admit their mistakes and, when they get out of gaol, apologize at the very least. Mothers never admit they were wrong and they never apologize. If you think I am exaggerating try to think of the last time your mother really apologized to you about anything.

I think that everyone is capable of abuse, given certain social, economic and political conditions i.e both mothers and fathers. Children can also be unruly and abusive under certain circumstances. Changing social conditions will affect the interpersonal relationships. Our family politics is reflective of social politics and vice versa.

Rob, no arguments about what you wrote from me. The Matriarchy has a firm grip on the voice of this issue, in fact, I'm surprised that such a program was aired on SBS, who demonstrate a fairly matriarchal point of view themselves.

Anyway, thanks for writing about the matter. At present, it seems that it's about all we can do. I do believe that the awareness pressure such as this discussion you have raised is increasing and because of that, the "lace curtain" of feminist secrecy is definitely beginning to show signs of tearing apart. Good work mate. It is only through efforts like yours that some social balance may return to society despite the fact that all you'll get from some is being shamed as an "angry misogynistic ratbag".

As for women's violence, I've had 3 good examples of it over my life in the form of 3 generations of women - grandmother, mother and sister. But that's another story for another day.

Well isnt that interesting.

Where's all the usual howling screaming fascist GFN misandrists now.

Even at short notice, if this was an anti-male child abuse post, they would have piled in here for their smelly two bobs worth.

Whats the bet that the misenthropic feminazi movement wont creep past ten posts here?

What doesn't make sense is that this paticular taboo is new.

A quarter of a century ago the TV series Homicide DID actually feature a couple of episodes involving husband bashing.

And almost HALF a century ago Hollywood featured this very issue of child abuse with the film "Mommie Dearest"

It wasn't taboo then. Why is it suddenly taboo now.

We can collectively break this taboo.

Never mind the letters. Go to the nearest vidieo shop and ask for a DVD of 'mommie dearest" They won't have it of course but ask them to get it in for you. If they do then it will be rented out to other people.

On the prevalence of women demonizing ex-partners:
Most men are good guys
Most ex’s are bastards
Most guys are ex’s
You do the Math.

It is simply not tenable to imply that such a huge proportion of the male population all underwent complete Jekyll and Hyde transformations at the same time that their mothers just happened to benefit from having reasons to sue for full-custody.

I would argue that it is obvious that many good men and devoted fathers are being demonized by many mothers. I have some questions for the women who demonize their ex’s unfairly – How do you think your children will thank you for destroying their relationships with their devoted and loving father when they grow up? One thing I have seen a lot is the child retaliates by destroying their own relationship with their mother either quantatively or qualitatively. How are you going to feel if your child decides they don’t ever want to see you again and simply vanishes? Or, if they decide you are a heartless bitch and they hate you and all you ever do is fight?

I want women to think about it in a very selfish way – your children will not thank you for interfering in their relationships with their fathers – just because you no longer have a good relationship with your ex does not mean that the children no longer have a good relationship with your ex