Celivia, I've had three different marriage counsellors say that my ex hitting me was not a real concern because she was smaller than me and unlikely to do real harm. All seemed to accept the idea that it was OK for her to hit me because she did not like the way I was standing (even when I was driving a car) or because she did not like something I said.

Most if not all were in this decade, not the previous one.

I've been told that at least one local police station has been given instructions not to attend DV situations where the alleged victim is male unless a weapon is involved but can't verify that.

I've posted a link to the Queensland Health summary of DV previously http://www.health.qld.gov.au/violence/domestic/default.asp

We've all seen the completely one sided portrayal of DV in the federal governments "Violence Against Women - Australia Say NO" campaign. Significant protest at the time got the responsible minister to make at least one public comment condemming all relationship violence but the campaign did not change.

The public comments I've seen about white ribbon day reflect a similar approach.

I've not seen anything to suggest that there is any notable improvement in public attitudes to DV where the victim is male, if anything it may be getting worse as we continue to be bombarded with the message that DV is an issue of male violence.

I doubt that much will change until people start accepting that relationship violence is never OK regardless of who does it or who receives it. Another reason for an extra ribbon (or stripe, ink blot or whatever).

R0bert

RObert,
It’s unbelievable that even marriage counselors did not take the matter seriously. I’d have expected them to be supportive of victims of DV and had no idea that men would receive so little or no help.
As you said, there is a huge need for creating more awareness and for people to start accepting that ALL DV is unacceptable.

Not only is this discriminatory, but scary as well. What are men supposed to do to get help?
Male victims of DV might be driven to suicide attempts even more so than women since they cannot rely on help.
They may receive psychiatric help only after a suicide attempt which they wouldn't have needed if there had been support in the first place.

Or they may have to rely on organisations like the Salvation Army.
I can’t see why women’s refuge centres can’t cater for male victims as well. We have to think of the children involved too- male victims might want to go a safe place with their kids rather than leaving them behind with a mad woman.

Enough police officers in every region should be trained as certified professionals who know how to handle victims and perpetrators of DV regardless of the sex of victims.

Apart from wearing 2 ribbons or painting stripes on the white ribbon or women also wearing the white ribbon in support of violence against men, perhaps we should all write to the organisers of White Ribbon day.

Look at this link, http://www.whiteribbonday.org.au/index.cgi?tid=127 which I just found when searching for the organisers of the white ribbon campaign.
Louisa Graham
Executive Officer
UNIFEM Australia
admin@unifem.org.au

“…the White Ribbon Campaign is motivated by the fundamental belief that *all* forms of violence are wrong, whether their victims are female or male, and whether their perpetrators are male or female. “

Well, they might say that they support males as well as females, but this is not reflected in their posters and other forms of campaigning.

I just want to say that I had a prompt reply from the campaign manager so as you see it is worth writing to her (see email address in previous post) to express concerns.

Dear...

Thank you for taking the time to give us your comments. We receive a great many items of feedback both positive and negative. Whilst we do not have the time to reply to all, all comments are logged and taken into consideration for future strategies.

Louisa Graham
Campaign Manager
White Ribbon Day
UNIFEM Australia

Celivia, thanks for that link. The site does much better than most in their acknowledgement of the significance of violence against men.
I was pleasantly surprised after what I'd seen of the promotional material for "White Ribbon Day".

I disagree with the logic in idea that relationship violence against women is more effectively treated in isolation.

I supect that a proportion of the violence they seek to stop comes from men who have not been able to find another way to stop a violent spouse.

As you asked, where do men turn when they can't get support. One unfortunate option is to try and sort it out for themselves - just as that used to be one of the few viable options to stopping school yard bullies before teachers began taking the issue seriously.

Studies I've seen which seek to examine relationship violence impartially seem to show that in a significant proportion of violent relationships the violence is two way (and initiated by males and females in similar proportions).

Some of those will be because some people choose conflict laden relationships, others because those involved struggle to find a way to stop the cycle.

I do think that their message is blunted by limiting the message to violence against women and that the very narrow focus contributes to relationship violence rather than stopping it.

R0bert

I became interested in White Ribbon Day quite recently. An experience at Macquarie University left me feeling hopeless and alone and I realised that it is so important to change attitudes and cultures towards women in universities. Interestingly, some of my friends at uni chose to go with the person in power after I made a complaint about a prolonged period of sexual harassment by my thesis supervisor. The day he chose to abuse me became the day that the outcome became predictable. There would be no winners in this situation. I either had to give in and have sex with him for my marks, walk a fine line and don't piss him off (which was the line I initially walked), make a complaint or simply disappear. I had spent years getting into honours and had topped 5 units along the way. An excellent student by all accounts. Part of the global leadership group and the Golden Key Asscn (top 15% of students) at uni. When I broke contact, he knew I had information about his behavior and had not acquiesed to having sex so I became a huge liability. He ran the predictable smear campaign and got his lecturer friends and PhD students who were also friends of mine to cut me off. So I have now lodged a formal complaint. Did I want any of this as part of my university experience? No. Would my male peers likely ever expoerience what I went through as part of acquiring their degrees. Unlikely. So I support White ribbon day because it stands up for women like me and encourages me to be everything I can be despite the fear, intimidation, and ostracisation of some in the academic community. God help them, that's all I can say.

- I'm disgusted by the fairly widely accepted viewpoint that when the victim is male "he must have deserved it".

In fact only the TV and the womens trash rags take that view these days. Those on the ground, paticularly the womens shelters, know better.

- I'm disgusted by the marriage counsellors and others who told me "she's smaller than you so she won't really hurt you" when confronted with my former wifes habit of punching me.

Get hold of consumer protectin and get this scums licence revoked. Thats not the average counseller.

- I'm disgusted that we still see add's on television which portray female initiated DV in a positive light.

Me too. Like to get together with a few vidieo cameras and make a few gender reversed versions.?? And then send them to the advertising agencies.?

- I'm disgusted that when I see stats talking about the proportion of women who will suffer violence at the hands of a male partner I never hear the equivalent rates for men.

Erin Pizzey books "prone to violence" and "working with violent women" Banned for ten years but available again now.

I'm considering getting myself a silver ribbon and wearing it alongside a white ribbon on "white ribbon" day.

What I did, along with most of the men from the mens groups was

1/ Buy a ribbon
2/ In front of the stall,take out a red marker and draw a large red stripe down the centre of the ribbon. And then pin it on.
3/ When asked, by the stall holders "why"? tell them. "Thats the blood of half a million battered husbands and children bashed by mothers. That has never been reported.