Posted by Celivia, Friday, 17 November 2006 12:25:59 PM
"In the past, men were publicly ridiculed when they dared complaining about the violent wife! It was shame on patriarchy, a sign of weakness on the male part.
Would that be the reason why men hardly ever report DV?"

In 1990 when I reported my wife threatening to shoot me (twice and in front of the children) to a Domestic Violence Unit they actually said, 'we only handle complaints of violence against women'. When I rang the police that actually laughed down the phone.

I know procedures are changing, slowly, but attitudes are pretty entrenched. There are lots of reasons why men dont report DV not least of which is that we are the ones who are likely to be punished. Murray Straus tells the story of a man who was watching TV when his wife came home drunk and stabbed him. He called the police and they threw him in gaol and left him with an unattended knife wound all night.

The presumption in this culture is that if there is an attack, the man is the perpetrator and the woman is the victim, irrespective of all else. This misconception was consolidated by the recent so-called DV campaign which ALL perpetrators were male and ALL victims were female. That was disgraceful, I have complained to the Ombudsman about it but I didnt even get an acknowledgement of my complaint.

I'm going to be away for a couple of days so thanks to those who have given feedback so far.

The sooner society start saying NO to all relationship violence the better.

R0bert

RObert: I forgot to comment on your idea for an auxillary ribbon. I think silver would be a bit subtle - black would be more appropriate as Male Victims are invisible.

Black might however be already taken by some other ribbonization campaign. Maybe something a little more dramatic and instead of a ribbon have a little noose. I suggest this because while men tend to kill women by homicide, women tend to kill men by driving them to suicide.

Women do this by exactly the same means they use to attack anyone else, including each other, ie with malicious gossip, relationship sabotage and character assassination. The difference is that usually these tactics can only destroy relationships of minor value, after marital breakdown however women usually have the opportunity to poison the relationships between men and their children – this is an incredibly devastating loss particularly to men who were truly devoted to their children. By sabotaging men’s relationships with their own children, they cut men adrift emotionally/psychologically and there they let them rot – until in the end we finish it ourselves.

Ironically, this type of treatment not only stops men from ever committing to another relationship but [i] it is the guys who really care about their families and kids who are most affected [/i], so not only are women knocking guys out of ‘the market for relationships’ with this type of treatment, they are knocking out all the most caring guys.

I don’t think this is being over dramatic, I think women understand very well how devastating the loss of the relationships with their children would be to them and on some level they know that men are just as devoted to their children as are women.

Ranier is right-'one voice is as important as many'.

Domestic violence is so ingrained into Australian culture that we should never deter any attempt to highlight the damage it does in families.

Australia says no.

Rob, I think the idea would be more effective if it does not look like a protest against white ribbon day, rather adding the part of the message that the promoters of the day refuse to say - "all relationship violence is wrong".

I'm hoping that something like a silver ribbon (the colour is not the issue) worn in conjunction with the white is something that those who support white ribbon day but are tired of way the issue is portrayed can comfortably take on. It's hard to argue against - a simple message that says no to all relationship violence.

The white ribbon is not a photo of a womans black eye, it's not a bullet or a cast from a broken arm. There are images that could be used to play on stereotypes of male violence that are not used.

It's a simple symbol with a message attached, staying at the same level of symbolism, and adding to the message rather than taking away from it is in my view a more effective way of addressing the issue than dramatic statements.

R0bert.

Rob,
I’m appalled that even as recent as 1990 you were not taken seriously. I certainly hope that attitudes have changed since then. The police and Domestic Violence Units need to be re-educated- there still seems to be the believe that when women lash out, they only do so in self-defense. I don’t really have any idea whether there have been positive changes recently.

It would be good if the white ribbon could have a navy or blue stripe to symbolize that men can also be victims of DV. I wonder if we could draw this stripe on it with a marker- not sure if a marker would run and destroy the ribbon- but perhaps a blue blot is better than no mark at all ;)