I live in North Queensland I have been married for thirty five years now My Husband is a Alcoholic He drinks quite a lot And it is not easy Life living with him at times, Its Every one else fault But His own for his drinking, Its not easy when you live in A rural place as well as we have not got The people to talk to, when we need them, He is not easy to live with he can be real good at times and a real B..... at times the most hurtful is when he accuses me of things I have never Done at all, but he believes it him self, So I don't take any notice of him anymore, Even though it is Hurtful he would drink 4 lites of port in two days and have a break for no more than a day then he has to buy another cask as He can not cope with life with out A drink I think In queens land far north They really should just have A Alcoholic unit Like they have over in Darwin They have A real good one there Because my husband booked in there about 20 years ago and yes he had not had a drink for five years then we left and came to the far north Queensland cairns and he started to drinking again he did go in cairns but did not like being with the mental patients up at Cairns base A Alcoholic should be with Alcoholics not with mental patients, As they have A drinking problem not a mental One yes they need help and mentally as well But with Other Alcoholics
I have learn t to Live with my Husbands drinking problem because I know when he does not drink he is A wonderful person and Only needs the right help. Yes I am living with A Alcoholic and it is not easy As sometimes they are like looking After Child but worse. and harder

It sounds terrible.

Why don't you try telephone counselling with Relationships Australia. They are an excellent organisation — they'll talk to you about anything and give sound advice. You can also get online support.

You can find out more here: http://www.relationships.com.au/what-we-do/services/telephone-relationship-counselling/phone-counselling-qld

If you're near Townsville you could go to an Al-Anon group — this is a group for people affected by an alcoholic. Even if you can't make it, why not ring them and see if you could talk to someone on the phone. You needn't be shy — they will be happy to help, that's what they do. See: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/australia/information.html

Dear REES,

No one will fully understand what you're
going through.

My husband is also an alcoholic.

However, he is recovering, and he hasn't had a
drink in quite some time.

Living with him has not been easy.
But as you said - when he's sober he's
the most wonderful of men.

I've been to hell and back - and yes, everything
has always also been my fault.

Many family dinner parties I've had to host
on my own, because Hubby was too bombed
out of his mind. Yet his father always
blamed me for his son's drinking.

Finally, I got a doctor friend of ours
to scare the living daylights out of
my husband. Either he stops drinking, or
he will die. It worked. For now.

And so far (touch wood) so good.

Also my health problems affected him as well.
I'm recovering from cancer - and he's been
a tower of strength for me.

But, every time he goes out, I watch him
like a hawk, when he returns to see,
has he, or hasn't he?

So far he hasn't.

Dear Rees, I wish you strength and patience.
And I'll pray that you'll get through this.
Contacting your nearest AA Branch - would help,
if only to talk.

All The Best,

REES:
You are unfortunately just one of many who find themselves in this predicament!
The reasons for a man to drink to excess are many and varied.You say you that have been married for thirty-five years which in itself is somewhat an achievement.
Was your husband a heavy drinker before you met him,....if so it would appear that you have suffered a lifetime of tolerance!
I would certainly suggest thet you approach some organization for advice and counselling for your husband,.....but would suggest that the success of any such intervention could possibly rely upon the real reason for his heavy drinking!
If you would care to take the advice of a wise old man, if I was you, I would try to establish the real reason behind his heavy drinking, which in itself may involve considerable soul-searching.
Communication my dear is the simplest way to start to attack a problem! In this case you have to try to get him to tell you what is the reason for his problem, be it boredom, resentment, feelings of inadequacy, feeling like a failure, or one of a zillion other things that propel a man on a track of self-destruction!
You could quietly (when the time is most opportune) ask him if he is aware of the damage that he is doing to his brain and his body, especially his Liver, and also ask him is he aware of the way in which it is all ultmately affecting your marriage and your love for him!

Alcoholism is a very complex problem, generally exhibited in persons of weak willpower, however it appears that if your husband can survive a day without alcohol then he can certainly beat the problem!

Communicate! Communicate! Communicate!

A good place to start is your doctor. My old man had alcohol and mental issues until mum finally went to the doc. The doc was amazing and he instigated alot of treatment for dad.

Getting caught on the phone talking to counsellors by your man would reaffirm his paranoia becuase I'm sure you'd find it difficult tell him the truth....I assume.

Try talking to him if you can, you never know your luck. I'd suggest talking to your doc. They can be a great help.

All the best either way.

Hi Rees.
If you want the truth, you have to take his problem to God.
I was at the bottom years back (1983) when I read a prayer to invite Jesus into my life... which I did and instantly I got born again and the alcohol went out the door immediately.
I was desperate and my commitment to receiving Jesus was genuine.
If we genuinely call out...He's genuinely there for us all.
I attend AA because the fellowship was established by God and it works for addicts and I love the folks.
None are snotty and all are real people.
I feel God in the meetings...and so do others who take the problem to Him in prayer.
Your husband may not come to Jesus overnight but the first step in getting him set free is to pray about it to The Lord even if youre not a praying woman.
There is no way the drunk is going to deal with the problem successfully because its greater than he is... and he has no strength for the fight. He loves it even as he hates it.
The 12 steps are a solution but going straight to God and Christ can be, for some, instant.
Its a spiritual problem that grabs the heart and only a Greater Power gets rid of it.
There aint no other way!
If the husband thinks Christianity is snivelling... then ask him how well he's doing himself?
You know why they call it the demon drink?
Its because fallen evil spirit powers are right in behind it... pushing it and tempting and deceiving people into it.
We wont get victory over those powers without God helping.

Rees, know that you are not alone. As Foxy just confessed and as do I. Living with an alcoholic is incomprehensible to those who never have. We've all cried the same bitter tears and wondered about the 'for better, for worse' what happens when there is a lot of worse?

Cuphandle, lovely words, but unfortunately communication only works when it is a two way street. Persons with alcoholic spouses have communicated until they're blue in the face and tried to be 'understanding' to the nth degree. Only the alchoholic themselves can decide they've had enough. It is not about 'weak willpower'.

Unfortunately, married alcoholics generally have soft landings when things go bad, because they have an enabling partner who picks up the slack and keep things going. Often becoming quite adept at keeping this shameful thing secret. My family for instance has no idea.

Speaking to your doctor as StG suggested can be a great starting point.

There certainly is also telephone counselling

Hi Rees

Those are wise and insightful words from Foxy and Cuphandle (both usually both wise and understanding)in particular, and like them, I wish you peace and wisdom. Are there other members in your husband's family who are or have been alcoholics? It has been established that there can be an "inherited vulnerability", for want of a better explanation, so if that is the case, how have they dealt with it?

If there is no Al-Anon in your area, do a bit of research on what IS out there for you. Relationships Australia is a really good start and they may have some idea of local resources. Do you have family who can provide support? If not, would you consider relocating to somewhere where there are some support networks available? And communication is really the key - if you can get to the motivation behind the problem, and what may exacerbate it. Thirty five years is a lot of loyalty, and you clearly don't want to walk away.

Also get your doctor to look at the effects on you; you may have reactive depression, which can be addressed with medication or other means if need be.

Death from liver failure is not pretty, and I have worked with people who have brain damage (Wernicke-Korsakoff Syndrome) from alcohol abuse and that's not pretty either. It is characterized by memory loss, amongst other symptoms, and if your husband is showing signs of this he could also have a Vitamin B12 (Thiamine) deficiency, itself a characteristic of alcohol abuse.

Do some research on local resources, starting with your doctor. What would happen if you threatened to leave if he doesn't stop?

Be gentle with yourself,

Nicky