Consumerism, a hectic lifestyle, and the need to belong make us substitute our feelings for goods. So instead of spending quality time with others telling them how we feel, we take the short-cut and buy them a present. Offcourse it is good to give, but do we give of ourselves, or of a substitute for our feelings, nicely giftwrapped and sealed.

Dear Haralambos,

As I wrote in another thread, it seems to me we're obsessed with having things. We put ourselves in debt for thirty years in order to own a house. We work at thankless jobs we hate for thirty years in order to have sufficient money to retire with some security and to die in absolute obscurity.

There is another way. The idea is to dream up the things you want to do and then make them happen.

Life is not about having things, life is about doing things.

Doing things usually has a rewarding result. You either make more money than you need without being bored in the process, or you discover that you don't really need all that fiscal security to live happily ever after. You also die smiling.

“the need to belong make us substitute our feelings for goods.”

Speak for yourself. I have plenty of “stuff” but they are largely conveniences to my life, not the purpose of my life.

I suggest you investigate Maslow’s “hierarchy of needs”, work out where you are on it and where you want to be on it.

I was talking with a lady who was very beautiful and with great personality, very smart and had everything going for her but was very insecure. We discussed how she felt and what she thought was important to her (largely what others thought of her) and I observed, 90% of what matters to us in this life exists only between our ears. She connected with that idea and immediately started to sparkle.

We are what we think and what we think immediately affects what we project and how other people, therefore, see us.

If you think your life is either about the drudgery of buying into consumerism or a journey with some more important agenda, then you are right.

(Choice, it is what we decide)

Ah Col you're a smart man.

I read these 'we're all not really happy because too many people like buying stuff' articles in the smh every day. They're basically socialists upset about capitalism, greenies upset about the environment and people with lots of money upset that the lower classes dare to buy the same toys they have.

When you meet some wacko in a bar and he asks you whether you are 'truely' happy, you recognise the religious nutter and sneak away. Why do these elites think the stupid materialist Harvey Norman shoppers aren't happy, or that they give a toss what they have to say. Further why do they think they have discovered this new perspective on life, and know what's best for other people, when The Beatles brought out 'Cant buy me love' in the 60s and even then it wasn't exactly a revolutionary idea.

Hi all,

Having stuff is not the issue, neither is money. The point I made was that most people do not spend quality time with loved ones. Consumer society, and its fast paced life, does not allow one to fully convey their feelings. Instead, people replace this lost opportunity with goods and presents. So buying and giving displaces LOVE.

'Consumer society, and its fast paced life, does not allow one to fully convey their feelings.'

I disagree. You can live as fast as you want to. Everybody has 24 hours in a day, there is pleanty of part time work available. There are also so many new means of communication at a lower cost.

'So buying and giving displaces LOVE.'
They're not mutually exclusive. Also how do you know buying and giving isn't actually disguising a lack of love, or a lack of desire to express it in another way?

US “Ah Col you're a smart man.”

thankyou for your comment. As I am keen to suggest, I “bluff” well.

I simply try to communicate, preferably with enthusiasm, passion and honesty, what I feel and “what I feel” (most of the 90%), is more important than “what I have” (some of the 10%),

Haralambos “Consumer society, and its fast paced life, does not allow one to fully convey their feelings. Instead, people replace this lost opportunity with goods and presents. So buying and giving displaces LOVE.”

Like US, I disagree.

How we operate and react within the greater society remains a matter of individual choice.

Maybe the question to progress the debate is

If you believe our societal values are so deficient, what would you suggest to improve them?

I know I have my views but do not want to lead this debate, which you opened.

US “'So buying and giving displaces LOVE.'
They're not mutually exclusive.”

Agree – I believe one of the best way of expressing love is through “acts of random kindness” and an unsolicited gift reflects a perfect harmony between consumerism and love.

Too much preaching and 'deep thinking'.

Let people work their own lives out for themselves.

Dear Haralambos,

One of the most attractive things about 'luxury' is that it comes in all shapes and sizes. It could be fresh flowers delivered at work, fine white bedlinen, a book you've been dying to read and, perhaps the greatest luxury of all, the time to read it. Or it could be a lifetime's supply of your favourite champagne and your favourite perfume (both French, of course), a month in Italy, season tickets to the Opera, or a morning in your favourite boutique with someone else's credit card.

The one distinguisable characteristic of luxury, applicable to its intangible as well as tangible forms is quality.

Quality, was the obsession of my father. His belief in dressing up both the mind and the body is one I wholeheartedly share. I loved dressing up, even as a child and playing "fantasy games" ...of being wrapped up in Baroque splendour. With the luxury of choice, you can go where you want in your mind. Safari in Africa, Boston in the snow, swimsuits in winter? Why Not? It's pure fantasy, and that's a fact!!

I agree with you Haralambos:

"Why fly so high that dreams obscure the view
Or run so fast you miss the flowers hidden in the early morning dew,
Why Take a crooked road, forgetting which way's home,
Or lose your zest for living, in a life that's not your own.

But come with me and rest once in a while,
Perhaps I recognise the hurt and loneliness
That hides behind your reckless smile ..."

Everyone has a point. Here is a conclusion we can draw from the many discussions about commodification of everything.

Consider this; we were evolved to be constantly terrified and never bored, always there were sabre-tooth tigers and enemies stalking us. Now some, not all, of 21st C humanity has it all pretty well sorted, freedom from being eaten, from homelessness, hunger and other nasty things. Now some of the fortunate folk are becoming restless and worried. Evolution apparently did not configure a way for us to deal with the cornucopia.

Therefore we can suggest to those who insist on telling the rest of us 21st C'ers that we are in a constant state of paralysed terror about terrorism that if this was true no one would even begin to worry about commodification