A plethora has been claimed, ranted, and derided on OLO regarding women's choice in clothing.

I thought a light-hearted look at male beach wear would create a little more balance and a chance to vent. For it is not just women who may offend with their choice of attire.

Gentle reader, please view the following images, then post your preference.

http://littlurl.com/w4ss3

http://littlurl.com/eg5su

Speedos?

or

Board shorts?

You decide.

:-D

Fractelle, been a speedos boy for years, but the last 2 inches around my belly has made me question the wisdom, and this year I did get some boardies.

I'm with palimpsest on this one. In my youth I loved swimming and did a lot of it. For the purposes of actually swimming, nude is best, but that generally isn't acceptable at most public beaches and pools, so speedos constituted a compromise between wearing no clothes at all while swimming and being encumbered by flapping wet material.

However, in my middle age swimming is a much less frequent and far more leisurely affair. Not entirely uncoincidentally, my girth has also increased somewhat, so out of consideration for the aesthetic sensibilities of others I tend to wear boardies these days.

While there are undoubtedly those who wear speedos for more exhibitionist reasons, for me it was always a case of comfort and utility.

Gee Fractelle, what a hard choice!

Speedos or Board Shorts?
I suppose my preference depends a lot on the accessories.

P.S. I doubt that the accessories worn by Fractelle's Speedo Adonis would be very useful while swimming. And where did you get hold of my photo?

Palimpsest and CJ, you are both men of pragmatism and good taste.

CJ, I very much doubt you were ever into wearing of the crucifix....

Celivia, I have always tended towards a preference for boardies, unless...

http://littlurl.com/nlps2

SIGH!

well said Morgan- thought that was me on the left of the second shot

"I doubt that the accessories worn by Fractelle's Speedo Adonis would be very useful while swimming."

HAHAHA CJ, he might as well tie a big anchor around his neck.

Fractelle, why do you post such sinful pictures?
I had to pull my straying eyeball out just like the man in the article below!
I can't keep doing this, you know! Men should cover up, I can't handle it!

Another case of th crazies
7 April 2004
http://talk.livedaily.com/showthread.php?t=401939
“SHERMAN, Texas (AP) -- A jailed man accused of killing and cutting out the hearts of his son, estranged wife and her daughter plucked out his own eye and then quoted from the Bible, officials said Tuesday.

Andre L. Thomas was in a county jail cell Friday night when he tore his eye out of its socket with his hands, said Grayson County Sheriff Keith Gary.

Thomas, 21, then quoted the verse Mark 9:47: "And if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out. It is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into hell."

Thomas was taken to a hospital and the eyeball was put on ice, but it could not be reattached. He is now being held in restraints at the jail, the sheriff said.

Thomas is accused in the March 26 stabbing deaths of his 4-year-old son, his 20-year-old estranged wife and her 1-year-old daughter. All the victims' hearts were cut out; two were found at Andre Thomas' house. He turned himself in and was charged with one count of capital murder.

A judge ruled Monday that Thomas will be evaluated by a mental health professional.”

Holy moly. That story made me put my hands over my eyes and scream "no no no god no!" quite a bit.

Meanwhile, another important decision for men to make is whether they choose to wear black cycling shorts:

http://www.thechurning.com/images/blackbikeshorts.jpg

or red cycling shorts:

http://www.thechurning.com/images/redbikeshorts.jpg

I think the choice is self-evident.

:D

Fractelle it is refreshing to see some humour on OLO. We all sometimes get very serious on here don't we - I guess that is the inevitable nature of an Opinion Forum.

Gee that crucifix is certainly the biggest bling I've seen on a man in a while. It is blinding - is that what is meant by seeing the light?

I am a boardie girl myself but I reckon if a fella wants to wear his speedos go for it and enjoy. :)

(I am sure CJ and palimpset cut a fine figure in their boardies).

CJ Morgan has pretty much summed it up for me.
Speedo's (and their ilk) do seem to be an item of attire that cop a lot of flack on those of us with builds that don't automatically make people think of "olympic swimmer".

These days a rashie is a fairly regular part of the attire as well.

Still it's hard to beat a skinny dip in a cool mountain stream tucked away in the forest somewhere.

R0bert

Now, Vanilla - while speedos and boardies can each be acceptable under the right circumstances, nothing would ever induce me to wear bicycle shorts in any colour. Mind you, I'm wondering which of the cyclists most closely resembles a certain prolific OLO correspondent who has been known to wear such sartorial travesties to the gym.

Ah Vanilla, thank you. Its early on a Saturday morning, not feeling the best after last night, and five hours of teaching ahead. The red cycling shorts gave me the kind of belly-laugh thats going to send those good old endorphins circulating around in my system for the whole day!

ps. On the question of budgy-smugglers Vs boardies? Is there some sort of universal Law (similar to Sods Law, perhaps) that decrees that more hirsute and obese a guy becomes the more you can be 100% sure he'll stand in some shop changing room somewhere deciding that what the world needs now is the sight of two pounds of sausages squashed into a one pound bag?

Romany, there is but it's just a subset of a general law that says the more obese a person is the more likely that they will favor attire which emphasises it. I can't recall the name of that law right now (who would want their name attached to that one?).

R0bert

Thank you Vanilla and everyone so far for treating the topic with the humour that was intended.

I think I see red....

CJ Morgan, for all my talk of liberty, lycra at the gym should be banned for everyone. It is both a health hazard (all that sweat with nowhere to go) and looks appalling on ANYONE, particularly during the 'snatch and jerk'...

Fractelle, the far more important question I am avoiding is whether I gotta give up my Levi 501's, and accept the law of the diminishing arse, ie for blokes our arse shrinks in inverse proportion to our tummy spread.

when I get into my Levis,I get into this feelin
does she love me
or love me for my Levis?

Life is livin an lovin an Levis
I believe in lovin, I believe in believin

I believe in Levis

Dear Fractelle,

I've always preferred Boardies.

I prefer mystique and subtleness...

Speedos - send me the wrong message about the male.

"Cavemen" were never my type.

I'll have to vote boardies as well I'm afraid. I can't condone smuggling... budgies or otherwise.

boardies look more like clothes and could comfortably be worn to the local milkbar... speedo's work better for swimming but would seem out of place at the milkbar.

I don't wear bike shorts to the gym anymore. Without intending to, I did get some looks.... but the look from the 150 yr old granny gazing 'down' when on my run (at a flood retarding dam) kinda made me realize (and feel a bit sickish)so now I wear more modest attire.. looser shorts. I used to wear bike shorts for a very practical reason.. they were the only thing which prevented painful'chafing' on my inner thigh from the bottoms of the shorts while running.
Now..I don't run so much when I goto the gym.

I don't think we can ever avoid our 'package' in some way being displayed behind a curtain of material, just like females cannot hide their breasts. We have to train ourselves not to gawk so.. gals.. no gawking k :)

Likewise, I have progressed from speedos to either, then bordies only, and as of right now, have become conscious of my knees (damn these inconsiderate attacks on body image): http://manolomen.com/2006/04/19/knocking-knees/

Still reckon bordies look cool on both men and women (checkout Angie):

http://www.javno.com/slike/slike_3/r1/g2007/m05/x98140258175622294.jpg

Nothing worse than big men dancing lyrical in undersized speedos (or is there?):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4CWzlnwEjuc&feature=relate

Reading BD's little story forced me to think about his gonads, and fifteen hours later I'm still gagging. Isn't there some content warning we can put on his post?

"This posting has been rating N. It contains nauseous references to the sender's genitalia and old ladies."

Yes, jpw - not a pretty mental image at all. However, Boazy's post raises the question of whether he'd still be framing his wedding tackle in lycra if he'd attracted the gaze from a somewhat younger woman.

Mind you, one can't imagine that any such gaze would derive from sexual attraction - and the "150 yr old granny" was probably wondering why anybody would go running with a ferret stuffed down their bike shorts.

Yeah, Boaz's last post was definitely in the category of too much information. However, I couldn't help but laugh when this GRANDPA thought being observed by a GRANDMA was disturbing. I can only imagine how disturbed the woman was by too much of Boaz. Eeeuuuuww!

I get the feeling that Boaz looks in a mirror and sees the teenager he was - 50 years ago!

Seems that the overall conclusion from our otherwise esteemed male OLO contributors is that boardies rule. I think they look great on both sexes too. And in a sane world neither sex would have to wear a top.

:-)

In keeping with the theme of 'gross beach apparel' here's a little ditty which is intended to make you laugh (so don't be offended, please):

"There isn't much to really say,
The aim's to take our breath away.
The only thing that's worse than this,
Is a great big pair of sagging tits!"

Foxy

Hee hee

And men get both saggy boobs and balls - perhaps they should be the ones in burqas?

That was funnyyy, Foxy.

Fractelle, are you talking about something like this?:

http://gatesofvienna.blogspot.com/2007/12/burqa-for-men.html

ROFL

Celivia, that is hilarious - no more worries about the effects of gravity.

think we're finding out what the girls talk about when they off to powder their noses...ya gotta love 'em

A propos of Foxy's little ditty - anyone else get that e.mail which concluded with the memorable words:

"Last year I thought some one had stolen my boobs. I was lying in bed and they were gone!
But when I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept.
Now I keep them hidden in my waistband." ?

Dear Romany,

Love it!

Now I'll know where to look and what to do with them...

(chuckle).

Pull yourselves together girls, this theme has been stretched too far!-)

Next Romany will be suggesting a twin rotor helicopter game :-)

Ah, all this talk about budgies etc. I'm sure talk of the camal toe or 'mumbles' would bring about all sorts of feminist's on high horses. Good to see the men folk on here can take a joke and laugh at themselves.

Ah, but you see, Usual Suspect, us feminists have embraced the camel toe, so our famous humourlessness poses no hindrance. I for one, have bought one of these:

http://forums.justcommodores.com.au/attachments/jokes-humour/9504d1134533962-beware-new-drug-local-swimming-pool-camel-toe.jpg

Here is a picture someone took of me wearing it:

http://img148.imageshack.us/img148/2083/20071015cococameltoepu8.jpg

Vanilla: “Ah, but you see, Usual Suspect, us feminists have embraced the camel toe, so our famous humourlessness poses no hindrance.”

You have beautiful eyes; they confirm that intelligence, kindness and generosity we’re so familiar with here on OLO. Forget feminism – you don’t need it when you come with an inbuilt bottle opener.

A big thank you to everyone who has contributed to this thread.

You have done yourselves proud with your wit and humour.

Everyone stayed true to the theme of lightheartedness and I am happier for it.

Clearly both men and women can have a good laugh at themselves. In an increasingly more stressful world the one thing that can save us is humour. If we lose that we are, indeed, destitute.

I'd better stop now - I feel an attack of the warm and fuzzies coming on and we can't have that.

LOL (in both senses)

And thank YOU, Fractelle, for this enjoyable, delightful discussion.
I love all of the contributions to this thread as much as you do.

Cheers, all!

I've enjoyed this as well but find myself with some trepidation that the camel toe thing will start to be worn by those that it really does not suit. Wonderful on the right people (Vanilla looks stunning in it) but I really don't want to it to catch on with about aging males. I've unfortunately had an image of one at the gym in his lycra shorts with one on - now there is an image to ruin a nights sleep.

R0bert

Dear Fractelle,

Thank You from me as well.

It's been great fun...

Enjoyed myself thoroughly!

Robert may have nightmares from the sights in his gym.

I, meanwhile will be dreaming of moonlight swims in mountain streams (sigh)...

One of the best threads!

I don't think I've laughed so hard in a long time.

Vanilla, I'll try very hard not too look on Sunday's when all the cyclists come to our favourite breakfast haunt. So many, many colours.....not just black or red.

As for speedos or boardies. I live near the beach. Our surf life savers look fabulous in their little cozzies.