I desperately need some advice. My mother has increasing lapses of memory - she gets muddled in conversations - I want her to be tested by her GP. She's totally in denial and refuses to go.

What can I do?

* Ring her/your doctor and talk to him/her about your concerns. (Maybe even make an appointment to do so.)

* I found a forum where one person attacked the same problem: "When mom had her next doctor's visit, I wrote a succinct and detailed memo to the doctor including all the changes and issues that existed. I called the office nurse and told her a fax was coming and it was time sensitive for the appointment. I faxed it and confirmed its arrival.

The day of the appointment, I managed to wangle my attendance with Mom.

After exam, because I had requested it in the memo, the MD found a "reason" why Mom needed a checkup by a neurologist. Same thing again. Faxed a detailed description of the changes in cognition and behavior prior to the appointment... In the memo, I was careful to highlight how Mom did NOT want to believe and how irritated she got when the subject came up and that I would rather, at this point, keep things at a very sub rosa level until there was a diagnosis. And then that diagnosis needed to be given by the MD and not family; BUT a family member needs to be present."

* This page — http://alzheimers.about.com/od/diagnosisofalzheimers/a/reversible.htm — explains what other conditions might present as dementia.

* Contact Dementia Care Australia ( http://www.dementiacareaustralia.com/ ) It looks like an excellent resource. Perhaps join their forums and ask others for advice.

Good luck Foxy. What a worrisome time for you. I hope all goes well.

Dear Vanilla,

I can't Thank You enough. I've earmarked the sites - and faxing the GP with my concerns and making an appointment - is what I'll do next.

I feel as if I'm walking on eggs at the moment - because as I said -
mum refuses point blank to discuss anything concerning her health with me.

She tells me to mind my own business.

But, I've got to do something.

Thanks again.

Stick to it foxy its good advice fear is maybe your mums problem it was with mine.
Maybe lucky it is not your dad we men die because we fear looking weak.
We hide our feelings for the same reasons and why? even I do not know but we do.
Macho man? well yes but maybe we should learn to care more for those we leave behind.
That great lady the ex Mrs Hawk had great times with her family once she found out , what a better way to go knowing others care so much.

Dear Belly,

Thank you for your support.

Mum is a very stubborn woman. She's been a fighter all of her life.
There's no way that she's going to accept what we're trying to tell her at the moment.

As Vanilla pointed out - I'll have to rely on her doctors - and simply be there for her.

My brothers are interstate - so I'm on my own - except for my husband.
But he's finding it difficult to deal with things at present.

Dear Foxy
as it stands now.. it might not be neccessary to force the issue of a consultation.
The danger is, if she is DRIVING or doing anything where a sudden memory lapse could result in danger or harm to others... my adopted dad had dementure (passed away already) and the symptoms emerged while he was driving a school bus of all things.. fortunately nothing really bad happened.

But bottom line, you have to assess the potential danger from the things she is doing now.. driving.. going off by herself.. potentially getting lost etc..

With dad is eventually dawned on him that he did have a problem.. sadly.. and things took their course.

There is also a very funny side to the condition, in the sense that sometimes the patient comes out with the most hilarious stuff that you wouldn't dream they were capable of. Dads 'thing' was "They're all idiots but us" :) man..I sure learned that one well. I tended to agree..and I recollect it often when I write here 0_^

We just have to embrace the totality of what they become as time passes until the final moment.
blessing