Excellent article, Monica. I thought you outlined the dilemmas or 'choices' faced by today's mothers really clearly, and in a way that might just cut through to those who haven't actually been in that position themselves. But, judging by some of the same old responses, I was wrong!

I agree with Cornflower that many people today expect too much and that many women are working to pay for extravagances that are not needed. Then again, there are many women whose husbands are just not earning enough to allow them to remain out of the workplace for the first few years of their children's lives, even though that might be their preferred choice. These are the women facing the real dilemma.

Antiseptic

"If a new father wants to spend time with his offspring, but has to go to work to pay the mortgage, is he in any less of a dilemma?"

I agree this is a dilemma for new fathers, but less so than that faced by new mothers.

Many mothers are unable to breastfeed as a result of having to return to work situations that won't allow it. This can cause enormous tension for them, particularly if they believe strongly that breastfeeding would have set their children up for their best chance at good health.

Mothers also have the added pressure of dealing with the after effects of giving birth, which fathers don't have to contend with. Many suffer hormonal and energy problems for a long time afterwards, which makes the demands of juggling work and a new baby doubly difficult.

As well, statistics continually bear out the fact that it is very often the women who do most of the shopping, cooking and general housework. This adds to the pressure for most women in a way that it doesn't for men. Men usually find it easier to take shortcuts or to just leave things undone.

Yes, Antiseptic, the call for women to develop a 'robust sense of entitlement' is based on 'gender'. It's based on physical difference and the very real need that ensues from that. Deal with it.

I agree that this is a very good article. While I'm now fortunately past that stage in my life where the competing demands of parenting and earning a crust presented daily dilemmas for my kids' mother and me, I can recall all too well that very little "choice" was involved.

My eldest daughter is a sole parent, and she really doesn't have many "choices" either with respect to earning enough to survive while caring for her child.

And Antiseptic - the article is about mothers, who are by definition female. You really should try and lose your obvious antipathy to women.

CJ Morgan:"the article is about mothers"

Yes, it is. If it was about parents having to face choices and make difficult decisions, I'd not be bothered to comment, as that's patently obvious.. The trouble is that the author takes it for granted that mothers should have a "robust sense of entitlement", while never once mentioning that the "entitlement" has to be paid for somehow, presumably either by the father (what about his "entitlement") or the taxpayer. The current mini baby-boom has shown that the greatest thing prospective mothers see themselves as "entitled" to is a wad of cash provided by someone else. How many of those new dads only discovered they had a child when they received their notice of their "entitlement" to pay child support?

Tell me, CJ, why should mothers be insulated from having to make difficult decisions simply because they're mothers? What about a father's "entitlement" in this brave new post-feminist world? Is he only ever entitled to obligations, or can he reasonably expect some measure of equality?

I don`t see what has changed ,Monica just stated the obvious,there will always be stay at home mums and dads ,if you can afford to do it thats great.For most Australian parents there is no "choice",we have to go back to work to survive.

Bronwyn,I think you will find most if not all mothers do all the shopping,cooking and cleaning,it`s called being a wife and mother,then again you don`t have to be a wife or a mother to do the above.As for breast feeding I think that is why the breast pump was invented,so that mothers could go back to work.

People will always complain about how hard it is to be a parent,and they are correct it is the hardest thing that you will ever do,but the most rewarding.It is all about Responsibility,you have nine months to prepare,just get on with it,it was your "choice".

Antiseptic,I`m sorry to see that you are still copping it,remember that you still have friends.You are correct in what you said,it was a shame that they forgot to mention New Dads in the article,men go through a great deal when a new baby arrives.I work in law enforcement,as you can imagine I`m on the minority with regards to gender,I see how it effects the guys first had ie will there be enough money,no sleep,shift work etc.Sometimes we forget to look at the whole picture.

Antiseptic: << Tell me, CJ, why should mothers be insulated from having to make difficult decisions simply because they're mothers? >>

Mothers physically nurture their children from conception, through the permanent bodily changes that pregnancy entails to the frequently agonising experience of childbirth, and thence for most to suckling their infants. While we fathers may be deeply and passionately involved in these processes at an emotional level, we can never experience the early stages of our children's lives as their mothers do. That's what makes mothers special, and why motherhood is universally revered.

Of course that's no reason for mothers to avoid "having to make difficult decisions" - indeed, every mother I've known has been very adept at making "difficult decisions" involving balancing the myriad responsibilities and obligations of kids-job-relationship-family-etc.

It's called life, isn't it?

I think that it's perfectly valid to discuss mothers' issues without necessary reference to men. If Antiseptic feels left out of the discussion, perhaps he could consider presenting his perspectives in an OLO article?

The article makes a lot of good points but seems to miss on others.

The central theme "The truth is, most mothers make the same choice - they choose to do the best that they can, under the circumstances in which they find themselves." is spot on.

Likewise "But the truth is complex. When we look at her "choices" critically and examine the circumstances under which most parenting decisions are made, we see mothers still acting under various kinds of duress and constraint, particularly as economic circumstances tighten so relentlessly."

On the other hand
"Unlike other workers, mothers can't walk off the job." - plenty of other workers could walk off the job but won't for the same reasons mothers don't - their family depends on them doing their job. We almost all have choices but in reality those choices are sometimes very limited.

Wanting opportunities for women to be freer in the choices they make but still advocating maternity leave rather than parental leave appears counterproductive. I know that there is a period where maternity leave is a biological necessity but beyond that maternity leave entrenches roles rather than loosening them.

I'm uneasy with "we would focus the onus of responsibility away from the mother as an individual and back onto society as a whole", thats such a small step from society then being able to make decisions on behalf of individuals. Much of the progress that the womens movement has made has been in the face of those who would put the perceived needs of society ahead of the rights of the individual to make choices for themself. When we surrender responsibility for our own decisions we may find that we have forfeited the right to make those decisions

CJ if Antiseptic appears defensive it may be because of a sentiment similar to that put by the author "This logic is often implicit, not explicit, yet it permeates many discussions;".

R0bert