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The Forum > Article Comments > Internet dating: instant love or instant disappointment? > Comments

Internet dating: instant love or instant disappointment? : Comments

By Suzan Broadbent, published 3/11/2008

That was fast. In eight days, my mate and his girlfriend 'winked' and were seriously dating. So what constitutes an internet date exactly?

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Hmmm. Yes. But might there not be another side to the coin? Given all the opportunities for embellishment, downright misrepresentation and skillfull manipulation might not this phenomenon not show something more positive about our society?

In an age of high-tech where idealism is scorned and political correctness rules the reality of so many lives, I consider we see something else about ourselves:- that fantasy still survives, and that imagination, far from being stifled, is still unfettered.

The apparent success of these sites proves that even the most stringent of everyday martinets may still lie in bed at night constructing fantasies; that the bully of the board room may travel to work each day inventing a life where tropical islands and magical nights are shared; or the drabbest of shopkeepers still stalks through their own - and others - minds as a mystical being.

Perhaps Internet dating sites pick up where Victorian Penny Dreadfuls left off? They prove that escape from the harsher realities of life is still possible, and that, despite our vaunted sophistication and pragmatism, human beings are still dreamers of dreams.
Posted by Romany, Monday, 3 November 2008 11:18:08 AM
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Interesting article, Susan. But I am not sure that you have really made the distinction between online romance and online dating. The former stays online and may fantasize in many ways and indefinitely with impunity. Online dating soon reveals any discrepancies between fact and fantasy when the parties met. The biggest problem with online dating is that the profiling often does not reveal important personality differences. Perhaps Myers-Briggs tests could be added to the profiling.
Posted by Jedimaster, Monday, 3 November 2008 1:08:04 PM
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There is a MUCH MUCH better alternative to internet dating.

I'ts called the extended family and friend network.

It's called 'being actively involved in the community'.. having interests and getting to know people in the real world.

I have no doubts that some very wonderful friendships and even love can arise through ID but it seems that as Romany said..many people misrepresent themselves.

The solution to this of course would be to meet them fairly quickly.. even for a simple social/get to know you moment..and then begin exploring their own social network/family.
Posted by Polycarp, Monday, 3 November 2008 4:46:08 PM
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I looked into Internet dating sites for an article a few years ago. At that time they could be divided roughly into 'sex' sites and 'relationship' sites. On the 'sex' sites the ratio of men to women was about 22 to 1, while on the 'relationship' sites it was about ten to one in favour of women. Obviously there are vast differences between what men and women want, and this is part of the reason why people have to lie about themselves on these sites: if they tell the truth they simply won't get any responses at all. And competing with others evokes a kind of 'arms race': as soon as one person lies to make themselves sound more attractive, the competing users are under pressure to lie too.

I also have a theory that one of the most attractive traits in humans is courage, and one of the best ways to show courage is to ask someone out in person and take the risk of rejection. On the Internet where the risk is minimised there isn't the same opportunity to show one's courage. But having said all that, no doubt the sites work for some people and good luck to them.
Posted by Jon J, Tuesday, 4 November 2008 6:20:45 AM
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Porky: << There is a MUCH MUCH better alternative to internet dating.

I'ts (sic) called the extended family and friend network. >>

Ah yes, that's what people from religious subcultures do, isn't it? You know, Muslims and members of 'exclusive' cults. Clearly, this doesn't work for some, who have to travel to places like Borneo in order to find suitable partners.

As someone who has been married, divorced and who has had several ultimately failed relationships via more traditional means, I think that there is much to be said for Internet dating. Maybe I was lucky, but my one and only experience of a dedicated dating site resulted in me meeting the woman I should have met 30 years ago.

We both found ourselves living in small, relatively isolated rural communities where the people we met were somewhat less than compatible with our respective worldviews, lifestyles, desires and aspirations. I contacted her on the basis of the quirky profile she posted at an Australian Internet dating site, which led to some months of correspondence, culminating in us meeting for a memorable afternoon at the Brisbane Art Gallery and a nearby pub. After this, I began to travel to her place for weekends, ultimately moving in and buying a half share in the place.

That was nearly 7 years ago, and we're both happier than we've ever been. I know there's all kinds of horror stories out there, but our experience has been that Internet dating can obviously be a brilliant way to meet the 'right' person - so long as it is approached sensibly.
Posted by CJ Morgan, Tuesday, 4 November 2008 6:38:05 AM
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Internet dating?

I guess I'm just a traditionalist at heart

http://tinyurl.com/6np5ua
Posted by Pericles, Tuesday, 4 November 2008 7:34:25 AM
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OMG Pericles - you've found religion!
Posted by CJ Morgan, Tuesday, 4 November 2008 9:41:54 AM
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Dear CJ... I would not begrudge you in the slightest for having found your joy via the net. Well done and power to you both.

I think it's probably more of an exception than a rule but not a tiny exception.

As long as people are honest and forthright and don't misportray themselves..and those who persue such relationships follow some common sense guidelines...why worry? I'ts just another method among many.

I guess the topic key words of "Instant" love or dissappointment can refer to that moment when the parties meet up and suddenly realize the pic was verrrrry old :) or.. verrrrry accurate.

cheers and blessings.

Pericles.. good 1
Posted by Polycarp, Tuesday, 4 November 2008 12:33:19 PM
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Polycarp,

There is a danger of meeting someone through church groups. Often in small towns, a young single man will be pressured into dating and then marrying a young lady in the church. About all they often have in common is they both go to church. I have seen this happen, and have seen most of these marriages end in divorce. I had someone try to match me up with a girl years ago. Had that happened I know were we would be now. Thankfully she resisted.

Internet dating is fine, as long as you treat it simply as the first point of contact. I've used internet dating and newspaper contacts. I've met some fine ladies through this, although the relationships have never developed. Some people live lives where there just a\isn't anyone suitable in their social activities.
Posted by Steel Mann, Tuesday, 4 November 2008 3:52:30 PM
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Apparently Obama got amazing results using the internet....maybe digital technology has something to say for itself after all!!
Posted by Sofisu, Wednesday, 5 November 2008 5:55:30 AM
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