Part 1 of 2

Aqvarius the fact that 31% of children are born to single parents has nothing to do with this topic. Low income families get more government assistance purporting to being single parent families than they would get if they present as a single family unit with dad working in a low paid job. I think in fact Australia pays a maternity allowance to women desperate or unscrupulous enough to lie about their relationship to get government benefits.

I quite agree that children growing up in single parent families are growing up in poverty with all of the attendant disadvantages from poor housing, inadequate food, poorer health, greater chance of mental illness, less opportunity to participate in the community poorer educational outcomes etc.

I doubt you are able to insure yourself or set up an annuity to care for a severely disabled child for the term of its natural life. Some diseases can be detected by checking the amniotic fluid in utero, other conditions like cerebral palsy occur at birth or soon after birth. All babies are screened a birth and quite a high proportion have conditions that are detectable at birth but the babies go home with their families so that when the condition becomes apparent their parents love them too much to put them in the substandard state care. Saves society a lot of money.

I know one woman whose perfectly normal baby started throwing epleptic fits at age 2. The fits were severe and frequent and after each bout the child lost the ability to walk talk, feed himself etc. After 3 years dad said to wife "There are 5 people in this family, do you want to waste your life on this deteriorating disabled child or live with me and our 2 normal children". She chose to abandon her child who was regressing and for whom she could do nothing but the state would not accept the child into care.

Part 2 of 2

80% of disabled children live in single parent households and other siblings are seared by the experience of growing up with disabled sibling. Most seem to resent the impost of the disabled child, some children feel guilty, the only person I know who seems OK was the treasured son born after his brother was disabled.

Aqvarius by all means look after yourself and prepare your body for pregnancy but don't feel holier than thou that your children are sound of body and mind. Your family's health is a matter of probability not certainty. Be very thankful that that is so. If you had ever looked after a disabled person you would know its absolute luxury to be able to snatch 1 hour to yourself in a very long day when nothing happens unless you have done it. Bet you've never been sobbing so loudly the neighbour came in and poured milk on the cornflakes and let themselves out quietly so the disabled person could eat their breakfast.

Then can we talk about the number of pills a disabled person is on every day. I counted 35 pills some taken at 6 am, more at 8 am, more at noon, others at 6pm and more at 10pm. The drugs would poison a healthy person and be very confusing to some one who was bone tired or getting on.

However the good thing is carers are so busy running around they are slim so they save money on gym memberships. They are also bone tired.

Do we consider ourselves a civil society when we let sectors of our poulation engage in a desperate struggle to live in our community? Do we view disabled people as deserving of their affliction?

Aqvarius I must assume that during your army service you were never exposed to Agent Orange in Vietnam or spent uranium devices in the Gulf conflicts

Families are having a tough time, no doubt about that. But as a "carer" myself (a term I hate actually - it takes away my real roles of father, husband, son-in-law etc, which are more real to me than the quasi service role 'carer' implies), I reject the notion that I should see my relative as a burden. Our relatives are not seared by our disabled family member, but enriched. We have learnt what is more important in life, we have learnt not to judge people by how perfect their genes are or by what they look like and we have come to see how enriched we have become because of the family we have. That is, we see our family member as a contributor to our life, not a deficit or detractor. I will not be a 'victim' and I will not make them a burden, that so much of this discussion has emphasised. I am committed to bringing them a full life, and I am getting one too! I continue to care because others probably won't! And I don't need Carers Australia to teach me how to become a Victim.

Hey desert
I will bet my bottom dollar that your disabled relative has a ‘manageable’ disability.
Not for you waking from being unconscious because your head was slammed into a wall by a severely intellectually disabled adult son because he does not like the word ‘wait’.
You probably have government funding and lots of it to help you carry through your ‘enriching’ programs, that make life so easy peasy and rewarding.

You probably can leave your house, take a holiday, share the support. You probably own a house because your family has money. You are still married with a supportive partner and you are likely to earn a decent enough salary as an activist advocate.

Tell me how much public funding does your family member with a disability receive and what kind of ‘disability’ are we speaking about, physical impairment? Desert, there is no one size fits all just as every disability is different, so is the support needed. This nice little reasoning of yours is easy if the disability is mild or physical. Place moderate/severe intellectual disability with violent frustration into the mix and families are beside themselves with the grief that comes from society turning their back.

And people like you whose problem are comparatively minor get it all and waltz around saying how valuable an experience it all is. I love my son, but the roses are few and far between.

Well aqvarivs...No, I didn’t give birth to a disabled child, he became disabled after he was born, and yes I did realise after he had a brain haemorrhage that it would be a life long disability, and mine would be a lifelong caring role. I think you are talking about learning that your child in utero has a disability, perhaps you don’t realise that this isn’t the only way a disability can happen.

Financial planning was in place for his birth and his life, but unfortunately 25 years ago I didn’t have the name of an insurance company that would cover me for the cost of a disabled child and his whole life time....do you know the name of an insurance company who would cover for this, I think not. I had the best specialist care in town and we also informed ourselves according to our times, but still it happened, and a physical or mental disability could happen to you too in your perfect little world

Nell, can't you state your opinion with out an attack.
Purposely bringing malformed and mentally challenged children into the world in the name of love is a very questionable practice but, to suggest society would be minus a particular joy if you hadn't is a twisted selfishness I have never encountered before.

Communicat, Your post is lost on me I didn't post about the government being at fault for anything, and I have no expectation that society should take up my responsibilities as a parent. Perhaps you misread or misunderstood what I posted. I fully agree that there are great demands on our tax dollars, and I believe that much of that burden is down to expectations of entitlement and rights and not about people arming themselves with knowledge, getting the necessary education, and making the proper decisions prior to their actions, knowing the responsibility that is inherent in those actions/decisions, especially where innocent babies/children are concerned.

Billie, your making nasty little assumptions. That you can not state your opinion with out an attack also shouldn't be my fault too. I don't place myself above anyone, I don't feel holier than thou. I feel that if I can do it, than anyone can, and that then the question comes back to forethought, planning, and somebody making the hard decisions. Not leaving it for society at large to come behind and pick up afterwards.

trikkerdee, your exception isn't the rule. I'm speaking in general terms not to every exception nor childish perfection. Unless you want your circumstances to be lumped in with the maternal prospects of the drug addicts and alcoholics.

We can not control lifes every moment but, we sure can filter out the known from the unknowable and take the steps necessary that give us every advantage. And with due attention and some diligence of forethought many of the 'problems' we face as a society could be made less severe if not 'totally solved'. Children should not be victims of life as they take their first breath. After the first breath it's the same chance as anyone else.