Sometimes with age comes insight and understanding as to why somethings happen the way they did.

This requires firstly two things "honesty" and "truthfulness." It means being respectful enough of your partner to be 'truthful' with them and 'honest' enough not to use their truthfulness to hurt or destroy them.

Martin you demonstrate how when someone brings the past into a relationship with them, it can destroy a relationship.

Another example is this link.
http://glennsacks.com/blog/?p=658#more-658

'I can try to turn myself into Mother of the Year and make my husband out to be the bad guy...But the truth is, I was selfish'

This was a great article. I hope we can all learn from some of the ideas you raised. I think the world would be a much better place if we all attempted to understand each other a little more.

Thankyou for sharing your experiences, feelings and hope.
When adults undertake the journey of marriage; we journey into the unknown. When the family expands and brings forth the next generation, we add another dimension to ourselves, our partner and the world. When our hopes and dreams don't match with reality we traverse the low valleys of despair. Our grieving takes time and we wonder if we can ever ascend up even a modest hill ever again. Maybe you have reminded us that this ascent can only begin when we discover some compassion. With this newly discovered compassion we may see the world differently and learn to love. This love probably affects ourselves and every one else we come in contact with. We may still never conquor Mt. Everist but we can climb, allbeit a little out of those deep dark valleys. We may even discover a myriad of people sharing the some location and journey and become aware of a multitude of company along the route.
Inevitably we are more empathetic with others.

It is good to remember that there is a time for everything under heaven......-a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak,-

From the tone of your article I trust that you are beginning the climb and may the journey be grand and don't forget to smell the roses along the way.

That’s a wonderful personal story Martin.

Oh if only it was always the case, that arguments are due to misunderstandings of others’ good intentions.

I think that unfortunately for a lot of us, it is largely the other way around. We think the best of a partner, friend, family member or work associate, only to find out that they really are not nice people or are flawed in some significant relationship-threatening manner. Then you are left wishing you had known about it much earlier, or that you had exercised much more caution and less trust until trust and respect had been earned.

These things can play havoc with your mind and relationships. In my marriage, which is now nearly 20 years past, I found out the hard way that my new wife was not a nice person under the surface. I have remained entirely single since then, for better or for worse, although I am inclined to think for the better.

There are many manipulative people who will take advantage of the naïve or open and honest person. Unfortunately, this is not restricted to work relationships, but extends right into the core of many families and marriages.

Thank you Martin.

A well written article all young people should be encouragesd to read.

I hope all who post comments on this forum read this article. It may remove the invective, bile, personal criticism and irrationalism so often evident in the posts and aimed at the contributor. How so few words written by a person on a particular subject can cause such, in some cases, vitriolic retort is beyond me.

Keep writing.

Beautifully written Mr Challis and lifes perspective is always in hindsight. There are times in all of our lives when people try to reach out and we miss signs of need or comfort, misinterpret or dismiss them...put down a behaviour as a mood or a moment.

It is a beautiful thing to hear that she gave you a new perspective and a moment to talk and explain. Have you tried to listen to all of those who have reached out to you... I know that I haven't...therefore still try to make amends in my life all due to 'hindsight'.

My behaviour was judged by others and still I wait to be heard. I extended a branch but still wait for a leaf to held by a friend who could help heal part of me. Every relationship, fleeting, transitory or permanent will touch us in some way and we will take some part of it to the next...it is all in hindsight really.