Liz, I'm trying to work out if you are deliberatly lying or just believe the propaganda. I'm hoping it's the latter.

By the way I'm aware that women can also be done over if they are honest and have a dishonest partner. It seems that most willing to do the wrong thing wins to often.

Where gender becomes an issue is the maternal bias in residency disputes. I saw no attention to what parenting I did prior to seperation or the fact that we had about two years of shared care post seperation behind us prior to a court appearance.

What you describe is just not reality.

R0bert

Robert,
It appears that Liz doesn’t answer questions.

The family law system is a giant scam, but that scam has taken an enormous amount of money from families.

In the area of motherhood and fatherhood, then I would think both fathers and mothers are equally important when they are together operating as a couple, and this is despite what the children might say. I think there are a lot of things that fathers do that children may not recognise.

I’m a father and I now appreciate many of the things my father did, although I did not fully appreciate him when I was not a father.

With single fathers and mothers, then you may find the following interesting.
http://ohioline.osu.edu/hyg-fact/5000/5310.html

That survey was carried out around 1996 in the US, but a similar pattern is happening in Australia. At present there are about 1/6 th the number of single fathers than single mothers, but usually single fathers have higher rates of employment and work longer hours. The number of hours they spend with child care is not that much less than with single mothers (Eg in Australia, single fathers work about 16 hrs longer each week, but spend about 4 hrs a week less in child care time than single mothers).

So usually more money is coming in, for minimal loss in child care time. Under the Marxist/feminist ideal, there is destruction of the nuclear family and the raising of the children by one parent only. But under this ideal, the best parent to raise the children may in fact be the father.

Neither mothers nor fathers necessarily make the best parent - each individual in a relationship of family has something different to offer. For me, I dole out the discipline and the rough play, while my husband gets lots of cuddles and kisses from our toddler. We often laugh that we are a back-the-front household (as I am also the main income-earner, though do most of the out-of-hours childcare too). I am not sure whether this is nature or nurture - it would be interesting to find out, though I dont think this is possible.

I was raised by a single father (after mothers death), so firmly believe that dads make great and caring parents, whether with a partner or on their own. My dad though will still insist that women are better with babies (although he was quite capable with mine when a newborn).

HRS, I dont believe that kids of seperated parents should be excluded from studies - you misunderstood my point. I just think they should have been excluded from this study because of the context of the question. In deciding whether mum or dad is more important, its blatantly obvious to me that kids from single-parent families will mostly choose the parent that they reside/d with. So, yes they should be in studies, but not this one (at least not the way the study was framed).

R0bert, the tide is starting to turn. I know a few dads that have recently won custody battles (and they were battles), and are now being paid child-support by their ex-wives. It is happening, and more often. Its something that should be decided on the merits of each individual, not on a belief system that mum or dad is better.

Countrygal

The decision on residence, not 'custody', made in Family Court, is and was never based on a 'belief decision' about Mum being better than Dad, the decision is always made on the history of residence, and if a child is thriving in that environment.

Men gaining residence over women, is more frequent than people realise. In fact, of that small percentage of separated couples that do go the full extreme, men frequently gain residence.

The majority of women have residence in cases where the decision was made without going to court. Often the women were left holding the baby.

And remember, everyone's experience is different. Your experience of coparenting with your husband is not relevant to another couple's experience. That's probably why you're still together.

RObert

It's not propoganda. It's fact. Men often come back to get the kids years after they abandoned their parenting load. MEN choose the every second weekend parenting schedule. They change their mind when they get their lives back together, particularly when they get a girlfriend, and then decide they want the kids with them.

It's extremely common.

Sorry if the truth hurts

Sounds like your case might have been similar. So why then do you think that women may not experience what you have experienced?

Country Gal,
I’m sorry to hear about your mother. In the case of your father it appears that he became a single parent because of necessity, but he was just as capable of parenting.

I have never seen any evidence to say that fathers are not as capable at looking after children as mothers, although their parenting styles may be different.

Liz,
If it is a “fact” or “truth”, then could you reference the study that says that it is a “fact” or “truth” As a teacher and a graduate of a social science course, you must believe in science, and you must believe in the scientific method (if the scientific method is included in social science).

But I have read through many of the major studies carried out in Australia, including studies conducted by the Australian Bureau of Statistics, the Australian Institute of Family Studies, and many of the studies from the HILDA survey. I cannot remember seeing anything that you have suggested about fathers. I have also seen many studies conducted in NZ, the US, Canada and the UK, but again I cannot remember any study that ever concluded what you believe is “fact” or “truth”.

Liz, you misread what I wrote as "co-parenting" and make the assumption that this is why my husband and I are still together. You are wrong on both counts. Did you read the bit where I wrote that I do the bulk of the childcare work (out of work hours). I qualify this with out of work hours because I do work (and so does my husband), so our child goes to childcare during the working week. Not ideal, but a necessity. I look after our child on the weekends (my husband works normally 6 1/2 days a week), do the washing, clean up after everyone, organise the baby's meals, do bedtime, get everyone up in the morning and our child packed up and off to daycare. My husband has a bath with our child most nights and sometimes comes to the supermarket to help keep her occupied. Hardly what I would call co-parenting. But it works for us. As for the reason for still being together - huh! We were together for 7 1/2 years before starting a family, so I would suggest it is something other than parenting skills.

What you say about residence being left with the mother and not contested is probably because it is beyond the means of most families to take to court. The most recent case that I have had anything to do with (final asset split still being argued over), cost around $45,000 ON ONE SIDE ONLY, just to hear the custody argument. The asset split has so far cost one around $60,000 and the other $200,000 over net assets of around $500,000. I would suggest few could fund this so if it cant be worked out amicably, the men shrug their shoulders and give up.

Dont get me wrong, I have NO doubt that there are men out there that neither want residence nor deserve it. But it very much sounds to me like you've been burned and been left very bitter.