Wishing things were different doesn't help much. Nor does telling people that they should change their attitudes. These are really just excuses for doing nothing concrete about the problem.

There is a danger that people are longing for a return to the perfect marriages of the past. Except it was never like that. More people stayed together because of social pressure and financial constraints, not necessarily because of a blissful married life.

Some people stayed together 'for the sake of the children'. It is not safe to assume that it better for them. Growing up in a family where the relationship between the parents is strained is unlikely to help promote the emotional equilibrium of a child.

Ideally, every child would be brought up in a relaxed family environment with two parents who love each other. That ideal is not available to everyone, and it is sometimes better for the children if the parents separate.

Sylvia.

Sylivia
There are marriages that fail, but marriage remains the best general system for children.

For example from “Marriage and its Alternatives: Opportunity versus Risk” at http://www.cwfa.org/images/content/dd-09-03.pdf

“No, marriage does not provide a guarantee of a healthy normal well-adjusted child but it does provide the best odds for that outcome, the best opportunity with the lowest risk of failure.”

Alternatives to marriage such as single female parent families or a series of de facto relationships are generally many times worse in rates of child poverty, child abuse, STD’s, DV, abortion etc.

Money is now the biggest factor in marriage and divorce, and it will only be overcome by reform in areas such as family law or tax.

However there would be another important factor in fatherhood, which is the devaluing of men and fathers that has been occurring in feminist propaganda and in the media. It is noticeable in media, (including OLO), that there is hardly a single positive comment ever made about the male gender, with almost every type of negative comment being made. Such negativity about men eventually leads to the perception that men are unnecessary or optional extras only in families.

This perception of fathers can be overcome, and there are even some feminists who now mention fathers when talking about families, (which is a start). But the money aspects of fathers, family and relationship breakdown will only be overcome by reform processes that will have to come from government.

Failing that, there are other alternatives for fatherhood including the adoption of children, or the artificial womb when it is developed. The latter is not that far away and may become the final evolution of fatherhood.

Well Sylvia ,why don't we have a HSC course on"Choosing Your Partener and Making Your Marriage Last"?

It might give many some insight on the most important decision of their lives.Divorce is the single most important factor in creating poverty,and the growth of dysfunctional children.The post war generations have to be the most ego-centric,self indulgent and ill disciplined generations ever to have drawn breath.

They are now reaping the fruits of their excesses.

People are not generally noted for being receptive to advice as to their romantic interests. Parents have certainly long known that expressing views on the choices made by their children is an exercise in futility. An HSC course would be equally ineffective.

We don't really have a say in whom we find attractive. That's been decided for us by evolution; it has nothing to do with providing us with happy marriages, and everything to do with maximising the number of offspring.

Throw society's notions of fairness and contraception into the mix, and it's hardly surprising that the birth rate has dropped.

If an HSC course were successful in the sense of properly educating people on the realities of relationships and the functioning of human drives, then I suspect that the result would simply be even fewer marriages.

Sylvia.

At the risk of having everyone label me and therefore view my further comments on all & sundry for evermore with bias...

As a father (one wife!) of six children aged 8 months to 14 years, on a single income under $55k, I was, strangely enough, asked yesterday & today by different people as to why I chose to have 6 children (and if any more were on the way!)

Logically, my life - materially - would be much better if I was unattached and continued not to smoke, drink or worry about fashion clothes - as I see these as key factors in attaining/ maintaining my family's current lifestyle - however, my CD collection would be huge!

My wife may well have been a very successful financial wizard and so she would have been better off, along with the taxoffice too!

So why did we 'choose' children? Certainly not for the general economic wellbeing of society or to overpopulate and denude earth?

Put simply, we did what comes naturally. Be it biological or anthropological conditioning, children are the natural result of sex and hopefully sex in a loving, rather than, 'anything goes' atmosphere.

Whilst non-judgemental about contraception, drug use to regulate my sexual behaviour is as unnatural to me as unilateral marital celebacy and 2.7 children families!

In terms of how the government treats my family, I am actively discouraged (by the tax system) to be in a high wage (high stress) position in accord with my experience & training. I 'dumbed' down my wage to ensure that we had the means (courtesy of family assistance etc) to provide a full time carer for our children (ie my wife - her preference to stay at home with the children) and I would almost be tempted to follow my neighbours example of semi-retiring by having multiple sole parent wives, but my religious tradition differs on this point.

We often joke that we hope at least one of the children remains anti-euthanasia...I wouldn't like to deny life at either end of the spectrum based on economies or convenience.

Sylvia,I propose a course that would be part of the English curriculum with no overt reference to marriage.It would be an exploration in constructive human relationships.Teenagers could explore their emotional complexities through literature.I would have thought that discovering a bit more about yourself might enhance your relationships with others.You seem to think is is not worth trying;that we are pre-programmed chemistry driven beings with no self determination!Using your logic ,we should abandon the study of maths because it is too complex and we will never fully grasp it.

Left wing feminists ,I have no time for but just hopping on the bandwagon of "The Poor Oppresed Male" is as equally devisive.

Your off handed dismissal of my views reflects a closed mind and thus I should add the quality shallowness, that is also an affliction of the post ww2 generations.