maelorin,

I had to laugh when I read the first part of your post. In the second paragraph you wrote you had an amicable divorce and then in the third you say you're a lawyer. This just proves your ex wife isn't stupid; it does nothing for the rest of us who aren't lawyers.

I agree with Daniel and yourself that individuals need to take responsibility for their actions. But I fear that when you say 'individuals' you mean 'men'. From his piece, I'm sure Daniel does.

It seems you're also calling men who get 'screwed by the system', 'childish' (incredible arrogance from a lawyer who is part of the 'system'), because they complain about it. Well, isn't this just all the craze - another feminist calling men childish! What do you hope to achieve by name calling like this? Do you think slinging about derogatory terms is going to solve anything? It sounds like you're the one who needs to do the growing up.

Even if “house and garden” is not maelorin’s bread and butter he is defending the system as a lawyer. His call for men to grow up, could be interpreted as one of “fess up and pay up”, because the law does not allow for any other outcomes. Your children are your ex’s to do as she pleases, so don’t make it any worse and risk losing fortnightly contact, because once again, there’s not a damn thing you can do about it.

Seeker,
It is interesting that wherever there has been a similar Family Law system, it has created similar results on society and on children.

The results of studies in the UK at http://www.civitas.org.uk/pubs/experiments.php
are very similar to the results of studies carried out in the US at http://www.fatherhood.org/fatherfacts_t10.asp

If a Social Scientist in Australia ever did similar studies into the wide scale removal of fathers from families and their children in this country, I think they would find very similar results to society in Australia also.

It is also very interesting that Family Law personnel have not seen such reports or study results before, or if I they have, then they have rarely made mention of it.

Perhaps if Daniel wants to recruit more fathers into this present system, he should take a good look at the system.

If he wants to make a whole series of maligning, unsubstainated, made-up type comments about young men and fathers, then perhaps he should read the article “Undoing the damage of male-bashing, one daughter at a time” By Kathleen Parker at http://www.michnews.com/artman/publish/article_7073.shtml

But I somehow think there will not be much interest by people at shown by Ozprospect.

Timkins,

Very interesting links, thanks. The description of women’s magazines is pretty spot-on. It is a huge industry making megabucks out of making women fearful, unhappy and insecure – as does the media generally. It panders to individual desire, instant gratification, the belief that ‘I deserve everything’: ‘I need’, ‘I want’. Women’s magazines contribute to women’s dissatisfaction – married, or not.

I agree that the media can be very negative towards males. I haven’t noticed too many recently (I try to avoid ads), but I remember a spate of ‘dumb man’ ads around a few years ago. But in fairness, I have to say that ‘dumb women’ are fairly well-represented in western media too. But generally, the media’s images of men are pretty uninspiring. As the mother of two boys, it concerns me greatly.

Younger, I was 'addicted ' to women’s magazines. The messages I received were that ‘depending’ on a man was frowned upon. All ‘relationships’ should be treated with caution. You should never be vulnerable. Commit, and lose your independence. Be on guard… Was this the media I chose to engage with, or something broader? I don’t know.

I’ve noticed a strong trend towards ‘metrosexualising’ men: they should be more interested in fashion, make-up, cooking and home decorating. Is this aimed improving negative media images, an attack on traditional ‘masculinity’, or have advertisers realised they can make more money from men if they can only make them as insecure as they’ve made us? Probably the latter.

I agree advertisers’ targeting of young kids is an awful concern. Parents have to fight harder than ever to create a base of self-esteem so our kids need not search for identity through their consumption.

I believe our incessant need for stimulation is at the root of this problem. And the reality of marriage with its significant compromises and subjugation of personal desires is at odds with our individualist mindset.

But certainly marriages suffer from a media that encourages us to compete rather than cooperate, and to constantly search for the ‘new’ as the remedy for dissatisfaction in life.

Tracy
worthy points, well expressed ! It seems to me that in all this we are missing something very special and that is the solidarity we experience through extended family. I would not like to see grandma and uncle all living on our doorstep, but perhaps a few doors away would be good :) the relief we can obtain through extended family relationships is AMAZING. I married into a race where every 2nd person who passed me in the town claimed to be my relly, which was ok. I really felt at home. In later years I see how crucial this all is to keeping your sanity during times of crisis. We begin the brainwashing technique for 'INDIVIDUAL'ism very early, we put babies in a separate room and ignore them till they cry themselves to sleep. Asians will usually have an infant with them for around 6 to 12 months in bed or same room, breast feeding is so convenient, baby develops a strong sense of security and family bonding. I just mention these things by way of complementing Tracy's post about the emphasis on 'me me me' that is characteristic of womens and mens magazines these days. The bible describes the Church as "one body with many members" if one member is hurt, the rest of the body can help it. Families can and should be the same.

Fatherhood, and motherhood, are so much nicer when we have our network of extended family. Even though the number of people who can speak my wifes language in Australia can be counted on the fingers of 2 hands, we still have the support of o'seas extended family and feel their presence daily.

Boaz, I agree with your sentiments, so nice to have an opinion from you without quotes from your bible. I agree that the fragmentation of the extended family in western culture is an appalling loss, creating isolation and alienation for many people.

In pre industrial times, in village life the extended family spread further than mere blood relations to child minding by elderly men and women who could no longer work the fields - no doubt much wisdom was passed along as well.

I am not so naive to believe that this simpler time was a utopia - far from it. However, there is something to learn from it and a more inclusive, cooperative society is something to aim for, may be then our young men would feel that they are a part of something worthy rather than playing the part of the rebellious outsider as media prefers to portray male youth.
Regards.