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The Forum > Article Comments > Intimate support: a personal insight > Comments

Intimate support: a personal insight : Comments

By David Heckendorf, published 13/4/2016

On 12 April 2016, my wife, Jenni, and I were featured on an episode of SBS's Insight program, 'Sex and Disability', where we came out to the nation that we have sex with other people.

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Sexual appetites attraction and desire are part of what we call normal in all adult humans and can continue right up to the day before we die!

And as we age it's blokes who get headaches or become too tired?

Incidently, I've heard of one case where a lady wanted to understand male need and tried a course of medically administered testosterone.

A few days after the first injection, nobody could wipe the smile off of hubby's face.

In the month with the second injection he was seen scurrying all about the property, while his lady looked everywhere for him, with endless sweetie and honey bunch entreaties and having found him and had her wicked way with him, was immediately ready to go again, or so the story goes.

Month three and the third injection saw a harassed hubby climbing up on the roof and hauling the ladder up after him, while his bearded wife searched high and low.

Now that is how I remember the story, which for all I know could have been a little embellished for effect by the lady in question?

But is illustrative of the spectrum of normal healthy sex for all humans.
Posted by Rhrosty, Wednesday, 13 April 2016 11:39:37 AM
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G'day there David...

I'm very glad to hear that your current conjugal arrangements, which are assisted by Joanne, are still meeting yours and Jenni's sexual needs. As you say a healthy sexual life in a marriage, is a very important ingredient to you both, it's for this reason that I'm very glad to hear that your respective lives are fulfilled and otherwise untroubled.

That's not to say that sexual gratification alone, is the most important component to all marriages, rather it's an integral part for many but not all? As we age physical sex tends to diminish over time and intimacy, closeness even, tends to replace it to a greater or lessor degree and it plays just as an important part as sex once did, in my opinion? Anyway as the man said 'whatever floats your boat'!

Quite seriously though David, I'm so glad to hear that you and Jenni have found a medium that helps you both to express your love for one another, notwithstanding a third person gives you both material aid in expressing your sexual desire for each other, I think it's really great that you've managed to find such a medium at all?

A side issue, congratulations on your LL.M. I note you work for government, do you practice criminal law by any chance? I was with the NSW Police for a bit over 32 years serving as a Detective Sergeant upon my retirement. Take care both of you.
Posted by o sung wu, Wednesday, 13 April 2016 2:21:51 PM
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I have to say David that I find the concept of adding a third person to the marital bed quite confronting. The fact that it is a paid sex worker is even more confronting!

I can see how this would be beneficial to disabled couples such as yourselves, who would otherwise not be able to enjoy sex anymore, but I was wondering if you or your wife ever felt jealousy towards the sex worker?

How does your wife feel if you are enjoying the sex worker's body, or the sex worker is pleasuring you, does she ever feel left out or resentful?
Do you ever use male sex workers to assist you both? If not, why not?
If so, do you ever feel jealous of him?

I do admire you both for your commitment to continue your sex lives under those circumstances, as I am sure not many couples would have the guts to do it...
Posted by Suseonline, Wednesday, 13 April 2016 4:48:06 PM
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Of course in politically correct Oz one should always be at pains to demonstrate how progressive one is, which presumes that the first concern is for LGBTalphabetical services. Instead, my interest is predictably in what the taxpayer should be obliged to stump up for and why.

Through voluntary work I have met plenty of seniors who could do with a regular bit of rumpo if paid for by the taxpayer.

They could argue diminished opportunity, safety problems and so on - a good lawyer could advise. Maybe all should have paid access to such advice to mount their cases?

Then again I have read many comments in the media from men and women who are not being well serviced by their partners. As they would be quickly informed, marriage does NOT imply access to sex and forget that 'but its necessary for my prostate' or 'women bloom a little later than men' stuff.

It is all about priorities and something has to go to be able to afford something else. Which in this case could mean a cheaper, small wheeled and less pavement friendly walking frame for an aged/disabled whose independence could be furthered with a bigger wheeled frame, but dollars more. I read about someone young recently who would not have developed a lifelong disability affecting her ankle and foot had she been able to access specialist treatment more often and readily after the initial hospital treatments. That was the tyranny of only a short distance from facilities.

Where a good brief or wordsmith is concerned everything is deserving and a right, so there is nothing to be gained from that sort of discussion.

So, what about that order of priorities and what would put great sex ahead of other concerns, (say) better mobility? If better sex wins the prize, how often and what limit on cost? Maybe a vibrator although impersonal?
Posted by onthebeach, Wednesday, 13 April 2016 5:43:25 PM
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I haven't watched the SBS insight program, so I'm not sure I've taken your written story in the right context.

Honestly I'm not sure whether to have empathy for you or think of you as a dirty old man who want's free taxpayer funded sexual gratification.
(The 'dirty' part referring to you expecting other taxpayers to pay for it.)

I'm sorry to hear about your medical condition, I'm sure it makes you life very difficult and challenging and I mean that sincerely.

But I'm not sure the government should be paying for your sex therapist.
Essentially what is she a prostitute under another name to help you get off now that your partner is less capable of putting out for you?
Isn't prostitution against the law?

You did state you have sex with other people and that its government paid for, right?

To make it fair the government should be paying for prostitutes for everyone.

Alternatively you should go to a free porn website and use your hand like all the other men who aren't getting any.
Sorry if I seem harsh but I never beat around the bush in my comments just so you know.
Posted by Armchair Critic, Saturday, 16 April 2016 10:25:29 AM
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There should be a taxpayer revolt. Especially by young workers who already have the burden of paying for new infrastructure, medical treatment and Centrelink for hundreds of thousands of migrants pa, migrants who are taking their educational and employment opportunities away from them.

Amazed that the ACT government's first priority is to pay for a nubile prostitute weekly when there must be many other much needed services that are not being met. What man wouldn't be beaming?

Oh well, the taxpayers don't seem to be worried. Maybe there aren't so many taxpayers on OLO, but you'd reckon that most people would be able to figure out that the bucket of Taxpayers' money is limited.
Posted by onthebeach, Tuesday, 19 April 2016 1:42:25 PM
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