Bernard

Thank you for a gentle and timely piece.

In a culture obsessed with individualism and material advancement it is easy for selfishness, greed and cynicism to displace compassion, respect and humility.

A society's true character is defined by its humanity.

Possibly lonely people are better off than they ever have been in the past. Community organisations provide recreational facilities. Home Assist whose services I use supplies help for older people to keep up their living place.

Old people living alone have been the objects of suspicion. Witch hunts have targeted old widows whose children have left. People who are old and have not married have been objects of suspicion - women more than men. It was far worse to be alone in the time of the witch hunts than at most other times.

I am 88, and it is completely my fault. It is my fault for having lived this long. Because I have lived this long many of my friends have died or are infirm in mind or body. I am fortunate to have a wife so I am better off than many old men.

However, to say loneliness is the greatest tragedy of all is absolute rubbish. Many people in the world do not get enough to eat. Many people are being killed or maimed by as a result of the conflicts going on. The technologically advanced countries make weapons systems which are mainly at this time used against people in less technologically advanced countries. Human activities devastate the planets. There are many greater tragedies than loneliness. Toutounji, mind your rhetoric.

Possibly Mother Teresa was upset by the United States because most Americans don't subscribe to her brand of mumbojumbo.

There is possibly more concern for the well-being of the lonely than there ever has been. It is the fate of people who live a long life to be lonelier as friends depart. However, an education which encompasses a knowledge of science, nature and the humanities gives one resources to keep one's interest in old age. The internet is great for keeping in touch for my multitude of descendents.

Those without family are lonelier, but there are far worse tragedies than loneliness.

http://www.gradesaver.com/wordsworths-poetical-works/study-guide/section3/ contains Wordsworth's "Daffodils". Nature countered his loneliness. Nature is still a good counter for loneliness.

So what are you doing about it, my friend. Just dragging out the same old Christmas platitudes? Talking about something you don't talk about during the other 364 days of the year?

All these ‘lonely’ people: have you bothered to find out what they have done for themselves to meet other people? Have you ever tried to be friendly to people standing on their own at the edge of a group, only to be looked at as though you were going to mug them?

Most of these so-called lonely people are anti-social to start with. Don’t worry about them; get on with your own life and have a good Christmas.

Worse than being lonely is being patronised. To presume that you are better off because you have friends and family than someone who does not have these things is to have a strange set of values indeed.

There are many who are surrounded by people all day and night but remain completely miserable. There are many people who have no family nor close friends but feel very much that they are living a worthwhile and happy existence. Happiness and satisfaction are things that come from within and are never dependent on relationships. Once you depend on others for your sense of worth you are bound to compromise your own values in order to maintain those relationships. It is much more important to maintain your personal integrity as a human being than to chase after relationships. If you have integrity people may be attracted to you as a natural occurrence but if you sell your soul for relationships they will be repelled.

It is far more important to be at peace with yourself than to avoid looking lonely. Do-gooders who think they are improving the lot of others by reaching out to them in this way are usually looking for some religious reward or they are trying to convince themselves that loneliness is a terrible condition because if it is not then they may have to question the rationale of some of their own relationships. If you want to help the underprivileged or down on their luck people then give them some practical assistance for their real problems and not the ones you project onto them to try and feel good about yourself.

Eleanor Rigby "All the lonely people - where do they some from?"
Then there is the prophetic work of Philip Slater re the situation in the USA via his book The Pursuit of Loneliness, and other books too.
The Lonely Crowd by David Riesman, and more recently Bowling Alone by Robert Putman.
But such is the inevitable outcome of our "culture", particularly in the USA where winner-takes-all competitive individualism rules (hard cheese if you cant make it on your own)
Having begun with the presumption (even promoted by our religions especially Protestantism) that every one is a separate individual, separate from each other, separate from the natural world, and separate from the Living Divine Reality too, we have inevitably created a "culture" in which every one is alone and isolated.

Perfect karmic justice really!

I'm with you Phanto. After being a victim of Xmas madness a few years ago, I no longer have anything to do with it apart from a couple of Season's Greeting cards.
Also I mostly prefer my own company as most people these days seem to be operating on magical thinking; if they think at all.

I suppose we have to be sorry for those people who are not enough to live their own lives themselves. All those people who have to have someone to talk to, or at as the case may be.

I know I have always felt sorry for those poor souls who have to go to the pub at night, every night, to avoid being alone.

As a young bloke I spent some years racing cars. I spent most nights with 2 or 3 others, working on the things. Perhaps I got all the togetherness I ever needed at that time.

I then spent some years sailing single handed around the Pacific Islands, often going for many days without seeing or talking to anyone. I was never lonely. I only had to turn on the two way radio, & there were people to talk to, but I never felt the need.

Some years ago I ran tourist boats. When on occasions I would pick up a tourist bus party, for transfer to an island resort for a night or two. I would have trouble hearing my radio communications with most of these parties onboard, such was the hubbub of conversation. I never could quite understand what a group of people who had been on a tour coach together for many days could still find to talk about, but they sure did find things.

I used to wonder if there was anything I would like to do less, than spend a couple of weeks, on a tour bus with 40+ talkative people. That so many people do enjoy it merely convinced me I must be a bit odd, but I do prefer my serenity.

phanto, Hasbeen, Daffy Duck, NeverTrustPoliticians, Johnno,

I like all your posts.

...Bwwwaaaa...(Sniff)!

...Having been previously arraigned for attempted murder...give me a dog and freedom from idiots anyday! If that's called loneliness, that's for me...Merry Christmas!

Dear diver dan,

Dogs? depends on the dog. My brother-in-law, Walter, had a dog, Rasboynik. His daughter and two other children were waiting for the school bus. Rasboynik lifted his leg and peed on them. Rasboynik was popular with local dog society. One of his friends came over and joined Rasboynik in killing Walter's sheep. Walter got his gun and finished off Rasboynik and his doggy mate. Hope your dog is not like Rasboynik.

Hasbeen,
Yeah I agree with your comments.
SD

It looks as though Online Opinion, or at least the Forum, is a location that attracts folk who like to get their social interactional quotient from knocking out their thoughts onto a computer screen. So it is probably not a good place for an article like this to get a fair hearing.

Very clever, veritas.

>>It looks as though Online Opinion, or at least the Forum, is a location that attracts folk who like to get their social interactional quotient from knocking out their thoughts onto a computer screen. So it is probably not a good place for an article like this to get a fair hearing.<<

But ultimately self-defeating.

Presumably your intention is to insult the audience here by intimating that they are a bunch of anti-social loners with Aspergers, whose only viable relationship is with a keyboard.

I'll avoid the obvious question, (so, what are you doing here?) and merely point out that the responses here prove categorically that there is a substantial body for whom being alone is far from being the "greatest tragedy of all". By calling it "loneliness", for example, and not allowing for those for whom being alone and being lonely are two vastly different concepts, the author is setting up a fairly tattered straw man.

Mr Toutounji leaps so quickly to judgment, it is easy to conclude that he is merely pushing a barrow. And from his article history on this Forum, we all know what that is.

"The true purpose of the [Genesis] story, far from fuelling debate about the practical beginnings of the world, emphasises the innate human desire for communion and friendship."

Actually, I can think of another objective "Ha'adam" might have had in mind when asking that the companion created for him was in fact a woman.

After all, if his problem was just one of loneliness, a mate to take with him down the pub would have been a far less troublesome alternative.

I seem to recall that Jesus spent some time wandering alone in the desert. It used to be fairly popular activity amongst Christian mystics to withdraw from society into the wilderness to contemplate God without distraction. I believe a lot of other spiritual and mystical traditions have stressed the importance of withdrawal from social affairs in achieving spiritual purity.

I wonder if Bernard has given any consideration to the words of The Smashing Pumpkins: loneliness is cleanliness and cleanliness is Godliness.

Cheers,

Tony