we are unique. jack and I had never heard of you until that first post. others may know who you are from earlier posts on different topics.

Thank you for your considered response. There are some useful ideas in there that may be helpful. I guess it's up to this dad to decide and respond. Sometimes he was great fun, but others, downright frightening. It's the frightening bits that are our concern for him.

Adam does worry about his mum being in the car, since dad tried to run them off the road three months ago. I guess that will pass and probably wont happen again.....but if it does? Building his confidence in his dad may backfire? He already does every possible thing to be the child daddy wants him to be.

I do try to assist my kids to be empowered, decent people. However it can take a very long time for anyone to recognise escalating violence for what it is, rather than 'just bad temper' occasionally.

In my opinion it isn't a parent's job to denigrate, rather it's to nurture, educate, support, and guide. Even being raised by a self-serving feminist, man hater, lych-mob mentality etc etc etc etc as I am frequently accused of being by certain elements here has obviously not 'set up' my daughter to hate men, or her brother, or her father, or try to keep Adam from seeing his dad, but when it isn't safe, she lives in fear.

Should we just ignore those times and hope forthe best?

we are unique, excellent suggestions. Unfortunately, I get the sense that the last thing this family wants is for Adam to look forward to seeing his father.

Jewely, you know I agree with you about the child welfare system. Along with the Family Law industry and the victim-Feminist industry, it has become entirely self-serving and has little focus on achieving resolution of the underlying interpersonal conflicts. These are creations of lazy Governments unwilling to make hard decisions, blown by the winds of media storms. Naturally where such creations exist, unscrupulous individuals move in on the feast and the whole thing slides into the sewer.

On another thread there is a discussion of family and loyalty. The young woman has obviously decided her prime loyalty is to the State above her family. I think she is representative of very, very many young women and some men. I place a great deal of the responsibility for that on the victimologists and parasites that infest so much of the world that families in distress have to exist in, none of whom gain anything if there is no conflict.

One of the major efforts they have made is to get the presumption of innocence overturned and even the onus of proof is under threat. With these protections gone, the trial of anyone accused is more like a lynching - "He had a fair trial: she said he done it so we hanged him".

Jewely most of my exposure to that side of stuff has come from your own posts, I've known a few people who have been involved in foster care over the years. All have cared strongly about kid's but a couple have left the impression that they lacked the skill's to turn anything much around. Very good at accepting attitudes, not so good on dealing with damaging behavior. On the other hand one in particular really took the whole package seriously.

R0bert

No, the last thing this family wants is to identify the bodies and attend the funeral of my daughter, and/or her son due to the foreseeable actions of a violent, nasty man (when he chooses).

I do not know of all this 'push' to overturn the presumption of innocence. If you send me links i'd be interested in reading about this apparently energetic movement.

It's amazing that countries like France have survived with a truth-seeking system. Must be the fault of that well-known feminist, Napoloen Bonaparte?

A presumption of innocence could be accompanied by an obligation to take part in one's defence, rather than engage in the 'hide the truth' No perjury system we have now.

The right to silence was introduced when the old country killed people who killed and one didn't have to incriminate one's self. Since we don't need that now, perhaps that's useless too?

What about provovation, the men's defence 'I killed her because I thought she was unfaithful. Or she criticised my anatomy. Ask Jane Ashton how she feels about overturning that one for Victoria.

Heather osland tried provovation and spent 14 years in jail, after killing Frankie, an absolutely violent man. Actually her son killed him, but he went free. Vagaries of the law? A good solicitor? The law as it is now is an ass. 18 months for manslaughter watching your new bride drown. All seems a bit silly to me.

It doesn't seem logical to me to apparently be a great defender of the system then scream it isn't working, at state or federal level. And decent 'victimology' should be about balance with the rights of the accused.

For the record, more men are victims of violence than women. Often from violence from other men. (and violence by women, and against women, by women, is increasing. ) Are they part of this so called victim revolution? Boney would be laughing at such a slow revolution.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duluth_model

"The Duluth Model is based on a strict "violence is patriarchal" model, and assumes that all domestic violence in the home and elsewhere is perpetrated by men on women victims. The model focuses on the men's use of violence in abusive relationships, rather than on the behavior of all parties concerned. This helps the men to focus on changing their personal behavior in order to be nonviolent in any relationship. "

Most Australian police forces use a version of the Duluth model to inform their response to DV. It makes their job easier if they can just arrest the man and not have to bother too much about working out what's happening. Besides, cops don't like tasering women...

A bit more:

"The exclusive focus on males as perpetrators and the rejection of system dynamics models has been criticised from perspectives influenced by psychology, education or remedial therapy. The fields of psychology, psychiatry, and social work all provide for application of skill learning, improved social understanding and practised behavioural mastery to provide for corrected and alternative behaviors. By contrast, the Duluth Model presents only "once an abuser, always an abuser" constructions to this important social problem. FBI crime statistics consistently indicate that 65 to 70% of all child (abuse-related) deaths occur at the hands of their mothers or female caretakers. This very broad and clear example of female initiated violence could moderate any exclusively "anti-patriarchy" model of interpersonal violence."

and:

"The Duluth program is widely used but clear evidence of success is limited. U.S. states are now recording abuse statistics relating to the marital state of both the perpetrator and the victim. In all jurisdictions with reports available, the rate of interpersonal violence for co-habiting couples exceeds that of married couples by margins approaching of ten to one."

R0bert:”… at accepting attitudes, not so good on dealing with damaging behavior. On the other hand one in particular really took the whole package seriously.”

It’s a very quiet industry, with a lot of money being moved around. The first thing a foster parent should do is not assume they are doing anyone, let alone the child, any favours. No foster parent I have met seems to know anything about the system they work in or how it is structured – they don’t seem interested in knowing either.

Knowledge can cause a certain amount of guilt I guess.

The media has helped the public see govt as the bad guy, they absolutely play their part but I don’t see them making the big money.

I know when custody battles go wrong those children come into care. Usually dad is considered violent and mum um... not protective…? I’m sure they used bigger words at the time but from what I see the men and women aren’t going to team up to fix anything for the children and so both are made to suffer. If the children weren’t also suffering I’d smile and walk away.

Anti:”Naturally where such creations exist, unscrupulous individuals move in on the feast and the whole thing slides into the sewer.”
I think Jeremy Sammut described them as bottom feeders and it must be time for another article from him. Jayne over in the dobbing thread; I’ve met two women and one man like her. Not sure that says anything, I don’t get out much. One of the women was a psycho though and her reasons to nark were big high faluting political “good of mankind” ones while the bloke was just bloody annoyed at some other bloke and he happened to work for the govt. department involved.

I suppose at a basic level anyone dobbing in another has judged them guilty already.