He died 25 years ago, of a heart attack, while mowing. My mum found him dead.

By most standards my dad was a pretty ordinary bloke, who had been far from lucky in his time of birth. Like the rest of his generation, he had the depression destroy his first career, like many others. He was just on his feet, & married mum, his long time girlfriend, an old maid of 26 as judged by the times, when I & the war came along, & off he went. It was another 10 years before he could start to build the house they planned in 39.

I know a lot of stuff. I can ride a horse, sharpen a razor, a carving knife, or an axe. I cam mix cement, pitch a roof, or change a tyre. Yes a tyre, not a wheel. I can do these things because dad taught me. There are so many things you did not know you were learning, when dad taught you.

He died 28 years ago, at 80. I was busy acquiring a granny flat installing it on my property, & moving mum in, so I did not grieve too much.

Mum died 3 years back, just short of 100, & strangely it is dad that I have been missing more & more since.

I'm sorry about this, but it was that damn Christmas tree. Dad would have got that, put it into a drum of sand, & decorated it, with me "helping" of course, & I could not help thinking of him as I did I
t this year.

Yep, just an ordinary bloke, except he was my dad, & I miss him heaps.

yep Christmas does highlight some of our greatest losses. Thanks for sharing your feelings Hasbeen. The older I get the more I appreciate my elderly dad despite his weaknesses. Fatherhood is very much undervalued these days. Great that you have fond memories.

We need to give ourselves the permission and time to grieve. How is the problem.

Soon the father hating feminists will seagull in to dump their same old, same old. In advance and in the true spirit of Christmas, not 'happy holidays' or 'happy season' as the Left 'Progressives' would have it, I have a book present for them and as a bonus (free gifts make it don't you think?) the article by the woman author to introduce it,

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/our-fathers-ourselves/200908/the-face-fatherloss

Enjoy.

I wonder how many boys and girls went to bed fatherless today? As the ball-breaking feminists would say, it is all the men's fault, and are they really necessary anyway? But then they would say that wouldn't they?

Yesterday before Hasbeens thread I was missing my dad.
The thought crossed my mind he was only 54 when his heart killed him.
So I would be very much older than him.
Christmas may have bought him back to my mind but it happens so often.
Always if I take a beer out on the veranda and wish he and mum could be there with me.
Thanks Hasbeen for a good thread

Christmas was a time I missed not having parents around when I was a kid. It was never a great time of year for me. I avoided Christmas gatherings until I had my own kids and then it all changed.
I like to think I have become the sort of dad you people talk about. My kids certainly appear to have enjoyed their childhood. I know I enjoyed having them tagging along behind.
We laugh a lot and care a lot and that has to be a good thing.
Fatherhood is a marvelous experience without a doubt.
Take it easy.
SD

Dear Hasbeen,

My dad died in 1970. He was on his way to work
and fell in the street outside Parramatta
Railway Station. A friend called an ambulance
and dad died in the ambulance. It was a massive
coronary. Dad was 52 years old. He'd had no
history of a heart condition and was fit. But I
guess working in the Good-Year Rubber factory for
many years must have taken its toll on him.

Dad was a gentle soul - and never said a bad word
about anyone. He was very loved not only by our
family, but by his fellow workers, our neighbours,
and our community. This was shown by the huge numbers
who attended his funeral.

I miss him constantly - there's a huge gap that he's
left in my life. I wish that he'd have known his
grandchildren - but it wasn't to be. I wish he'd have
seen me graduate from uni, he'd have been so proud.
And all his lectures on the importance of education
to me would have shown him that I was listening after
all. So yes, Hassie, I can understand you missing your
dad. I miss mine as well. The only thing I can do is
leave my children - the legacy he left me - unconditional
love!

Take care.

I got an email from my daughter this morning. In it was:

"My memories of Grandfather are very warm. I remember feeling very fond of him, and loving that he was not all that much bigger than I was."

My father not only was part of my life, but he lived long enough so that his grandchildren remember him. I used to get impatient with him because I thought he should not have been so forgiving of my mother during her many unreasonable moments. I realise now that he was capable of great love.

My father used to sometimes say when he was discouraged. "If I were an undertaker, people would stop dying." I thought it was original with him. However, in "World Poetry" is the following by Abraham Ibn Ezra (1029-1167)

My Stars

On the day I was born
The unalterable stars altered.
If I decided to sell lamps,
It wouldn't get dark until the day I died.

Some stars. Whatever I do,
I'm a failure before I begin.
If I suddenly decided to sell shrouds,
People would suddenly decide to stop dying.

Poetry is what is lost in the translation, but that sure sounds like my father. I wish he was still around so I could ask him if he had read that poem.

has/been..cry..not for what would have been
your father is beside you..EVERY*TIME..you think of him
[its part of lifes karma..he must come..when he is called.

when you..recall..this is him thinking..of you
you have spent many sleep years with him..in your dreams
[after we return..to the dreaming..you will instantly recall all that NOT lost joy..[thus the law..death where is thy sting/if you wish..i can explain more[he say he looks the same]

but i have duty..to perform..[braking a few seals]..and listening to alex

Federal Reserve 100 Years of Failure
http://www.veteransnewsnow.com/2013/12/22/federal-reserve-100-years-of-failure/

We all know or should all know that the Federal Reserve conspiracy is an ongoing theft syndicate.

The Fed is privately owned, and its shareholders are private banks. In fact, 100% of its shareholders are private banks. None of its stock is owned by the government.

The actual purpose of the architects of the Federal Reserve System has never changed. Consolidate the control of money into a concealed cartel of banking houses that ultimately decide economic and political policy.

Dispensing of credit to corporatist projects, owned or run by reliable operatives of the cabal is the objective. The only beneficiaries are the original stockholders.

Please Watch these Videos and read this excellent article with many links to further information:

listen to alex jones
infowar./.edward griffiths..[creature of jeckle island]

[they have asked my demands..and i have only need for healthy food]
this post WAS*..blanked off by a microSOFT..fact check..but has now been restored..

peace..should be declared[decreed]..shortly
now is the time..to talk..revealyouir grievences
hrh..is listening

http://forum.onlineopinion.com.au/thread.asp?discussion=6152#178808

are you..men enough for peace?
are you woman..enough..to forbid..thy children..to/die in ANY war?

are you/humane enough..to see without fear?

all we are saying..is give peace a chance
no make peace go..viral

[your life /your very living..depends on this our/final..skirmish]

Thanks Hb, an honest bare emotioned sentiment that I can certainly relate to.

Time in a bottle is what we need Hb, but it aint gonna happen, it's bloody physics...he is the enemy. How do we cope with time, the loved ones it takes from us and the ravages it imposes on us...we ignore it until we can no more...but nothing is over until the obese diva takes the stage...time does not pass, we do.

But you are here now and your thoughts are appreciated by others...your thoughts are also the thoughts that your father instilled in you as a boy...he aint gone till you are gone...

When I think of my father, I overwhelmingly think of all the joys he missed out on by dying too soon, particularly the grandchildren he didn't get to see grow up. My own feelings are but vaguely selfish musings in comparison. Perhaps I didn't grieve enough.

What a lovely heartfelt post, Hasbeen.
Christmas has a way of bringjng back all kinds of memories, and your Dad sounds great.

My father is still fit and well at the age of 81. I live in WA and he lives in Queensland with his second wjfe and her family, so I suffer from a form of grief in that I rarely see him.

He is not the same fun Dad I used to have, and I often wonder if he now regrets moving so far away from his four children and grandchildren.

Christmas...a time for family fun as well as some regrets perhaps.

my dad..died materialy..age 51..but has done well in the after life.
pericules..<<..Perhaps I didn't grieve enough.>>

grief..is so hard..on/the departed..
spiritually..it holds them back..from/adjusting to their new life
see our grief is FELT physically..by the departed..yet there they are HELPLESS..to make you know..they live
see
http://new-birth.net/booklet/Subaltern_Spirit_Land.pdf

trauma also requires great attention..[see blue island]
http://www.ghostcircle.com/ebooks/William%20T%20Stead%20-%20The%20Blue%20Island%20Pardoe%20Woodman%20&%20E%20Stead%20.pdf

anyhow..has*been..[will/be]..your departed father..never departed
here is a example..of what the..dead..can*..go through/after life
the 'hero..was well known..at the time..and unlike biff..was a scoundrel

anyhow it follows on from page 8[on.the pdf bar]
but properly..on..page 3..of the book..[page three will show up..as page 9]

anyhow..note the times..it was written[100 years ago]..yet EVEN then
he had an..ipad..[moving picture frame/that showed him..in real-time..what his beloved was going through

http://new-birth.net/booklet/Wanderer_a4.pdf

please recall alex is key..in..this..edward snowden project
http://forum.onlineopinion.com.au/thread.asp?discussion=6152#178808

if i want my father..i just have a drink..with him...
the dead arnt dead[so please guys..get that out of your head]

this too is a key text..in the intro is a science thesis..from the same time[please note..electrification..dumbed down..out receptivity
plus drugs booze..tv..but then death so frightens some.

fear no evil
http://www.divinetruth.com/PDF/People/Other/Jane%20Sherwood%20-%20Post%20Mortem%20Journal.pdf
even atheists are having their vieuw
http://commonsenseatheism.com/?p=15624
i just need some time to read/edit it..one day

http://rss.infowars.com/20131223_Mon_Alex.mp3
alex was talking today regarding bill biff william forest hammon..
hannon?[lsu football/trackteam]..thus i have been..pre occupied..trying to spell..it
names just do me in.

anyhow..it looks like biff*..got hit by a double whammy.

the working theory so/far seems to be..[i have to/say it alex].. malfeasance..
see antibiotic...has in-it a mould killer..[but it kills off benificient molds..
[without micro flora..our body cant process nutrients]..dies

hear yesterdays..CALLER..
near end..
http://rss.infowars.com/20131222_Sun_Alex.mp3

anyhow go biff hamon*

Oneundergod, just wondering how you know any of the dead 'do well in the afterlife'?

Certainly there would be far more people enjoying the 'afterlife' prematurely if we didn't have the dreaded antibiotics that apparently kill all the 'good' flora inhabiting our bowel.

Hmmmm....let me see.
Would I rather a spot of loose bowels.....or death from an overwhelming infection somewhere?
Give me antibiotics any day...

I note many of us lost our dads in their early 50,s mine went at 54.
Foxy your link bought back memory's I lived near there a year before Dad died.
He worked for a time at good year rubber!
A gift to us all this thread Hasbeen while we can express our love and too our loss we are near the true Christmas spirit.

'Oneundergod, just wondering how you know any of the dead 'do well in the afterlife'? '

Jesus the One many celebrate at this time of year had a lot to say about it for anyone with ears to hear.

suse/quote,<<..how/you know./any of..the dead.'do well in the afterlife'?>>

see the..texts

generally..our mind-state..at death[plus the grieving process
is as low as most get..[but im/guessing the implication being..how do i know..my father..did well..[its witnessed..by/my evolving thought..that brings his..'vibe']..sensed awareness..like after his death..we 'saw'..him..often..then in time less..it took him..less that 2 earth years..to move on..[jesus did it in3 days]

dearest suse..havnt you/ever read..the text..of
a beloved auther..and not found..what you found,,in it last-time..or re read..it and found stuff..'you' missed]..cause your/minds then..didnt link/then

i..often..[always]..find a voice..reading to me..or..rather..emoting/commentating..but its not a thing..easy to..comprehend..i..learned..it over..my life time[just like you learned nursing]

<<..Certainly there/would be far/more people..enjoying the 'afterlife' prematurely..>>

so you say..and no/doudt..you will/have facts..but..lets just roll..the/dice shall we

as noted/earlier by belly..just on..one thread..we
have four dead/fathers..dead of heart-attack..in their fifties..heart attack=stress/ignorance..[it means your life sentance=over]

you only live in..this reality..
thus cant conceive/any..better..we here/are in hell]..BUT WE ALL DIE.
http://whatreallyhappened.com/WRHARTICLES/ssriviolence.php
even..nurses/docters..kings queens/paupers or saints
even atheists.CANT LIVE FOREVER..live with it
[dont stress on/it..cause that stress..alone..can kill you

>>if we didn't.have the dreaded antibiotics..>>
the body would yet..die..in/its time according toour stress levels

<<..that apparently..kill all the..'good'.flora inhabiting our bowel.>>

causing death..the cure is a placebo..[your..medical-soothsayers pump em..in..by the bottle..[then grow ever BIGGER bader superbugs
http://www.infowars.com/tylenol-can-kill-you-new-warning-admits-popular-painkiller-causes-liver-damage-death/

EVEN..perscribing them..in our food..[you cant squeeze 200,000chickens..into/cages without antibiotics]..just eating meat we are growing drug resistance..IE SUPER BUGS..and dont say that aint rife..in every hospital

<<Give me antibiotics any day...>>your taking them..in your bacon/fish/prawns..your taking them/with your fowl..your taking them,,in your eggs and your milk..how dumb..to give them..to you who isnt sick..[yet]
http://www.infowars.com/consumer-reports-contaminated-chicken/
so/when you do get sick..you will..be given..gradually stronger ans stronger dose..*why because the patient didnt say go away[give me phages..first]..or restore my/biota..before shoving you home with..a blown vein..corroded away by the super stuff

..you need further study..WERE ALL ON..IT PRESENTLY*..if your not sick..why take such/poison..but..[to/make us sick]
http://worldtruth.tv/75-of-physicians-in-the-world-refuse-chemotherapy-for-themselves/

i recallan earlier teaching[the pure blood tassie first people'
the last 70..had six docters..only took them 35 years to..kill the lot..
http://www.infowars.com/these-7-charts-show-how-american-health-has-changed-since-the-90s/

how many kings killed..by blood letting
antibiotics..cant kill gram negative
so stop/percribing them..for flue

http://www.google.com.au/search?q=superbugs+antibiotic+drug+resistance+deaths&

http://www.infowars.com/food-fraud-a-growing-problem-in-grocery-stores/

http://www.infowars.com/transgene-escape-gmos-spreading-uncontrollably-around-the-world/

From "The Garden of Proserpine"

From too much love of living,
From hope and fear set free,
We thank with brief thanksgiving
Whatever gods may be
That no life lives for ever ;
That dead men rise up never ;
That even the weariest river
Winds somewhere safe to sea.

Then star nor sun shall waken,
Nor any change of light :
Nor sound of waters shaken,
Nor any sound or sight :
Nor wintry leaves nor vernal,
Nor days nor things diurnal ;
Only the sleep eternal
In an eternal night.

Death is the end. That's all, folks. We only get one go round. Make the most of it.

HASBEEN...

What on earth can I say ? I read and re-read your piece, and I'm bereft of any suitable response.

I miss my Dad too, he was ashamed his son chose the police force as a career ? I still miss him, notwithstanding.

HASBEEN, I hope you and your entire family have a really nice Christmas, go kindly old man.

Hi there FOXY and to everyone else who've lost their beloved father...

This would have to be one of the sadist topics I've encountered on this Forum ? I too have lost my Dad, but somehow hearing HASBEEN, yourself, and one or two others lament of their own loss, somehow it has quite an emotional impact on me. So much so, I really don't know quite what the appropriate words might be to add sufficient gravitas to such an emotionally period.

I hope you FOXY, BELLY and HASBEEN, in fact all of you, have a very happy and joyous Christmas, and a brilliant 2014.

Sung Wu.

david..<<..Death is the end.>>

and your proof a poem?

at least other atheist present a case?
http://commonsenseatheism.com/?p=15624
you could may be pick a point

anyhow..i see your poem/raise you a poem
http://new-birth.net/booklet/Wanderer_a4.pdf

Oh, Star of Hope that shines to
Bless the Wanderer through
Life’s Wilderness!

Angels of Love—say
“Are ye come to lead
the Weary Wanderer home?”

<<..That's all, folks.>>

YOUR proof?

<<..We only get one go round.>>

said the minder to the child
[your proof?]

<< Make the most of it.>>

the first truth..i heard

lifes learnings are thyne spirit earnings..
http://www.divinetruth.com/PDF/People/Other/Jane%20Sherwood%20-%20Post%20Mortem%20Journal.pdf

LIFE=energy..CHANGING state
energy cant be created...NOR destroyed
but it can be wasted

thank you for clarifying..your name sung wu
your father is far from disappointed..now.

thank you has become for the thread
heart attacks reveal those who care too much[about what others think]

my fathers biggest joy was friends..and the drink
but he didnt drink..to gert drunk..it was how he overcame lonelyness

jesus rose from the dead to refute judgment..and resection day
let this day be about life eternal..and death..of sin
hate the sinner..not the sin

ahhh men..as children..you believe in satan clause
as adult you believe energy can be destroyed

can someone..put the atheist case
by point...it would be a nice xmass present for you all..to proove dead aint dead..but i cant read fiction..[anymore]..every thought..is energy[your beloved ones are still energy..]

you drain..their energy..with your grief
do try to focus..on/the departed..we help kill them..in ignorance
then let the sleeping dogs lie[that ignorant saying about sums up..what we do to our dead]

suicides especially..go through hell
then..our grieving process..while their spirit....is TIED/for its
FuLL life term..to the dead flesh..[suicides should be immediately be burned..[and high body attached[vain-ego]..its the only way to/free these damaged souls.

the deED..be remembered

remember
dont forget.

one day..you too will wish to/be forgotten
or wish they hadnt added preservative..to the corpse of the dead
at/once tied to it..till ifs final dissolution.[our combined ignorance..is sad/then by karma..it happens to us

you had best say..no preservatives please
and burn/me hide when im dead fred

i recall a haunting..of a docter
being haunted..by the soul..of the spirit..he was di-secting[cutting to pieces]
http://new-birth.net/booklet/30_years_among_the_dead.PDF

[the research/has been done/ignored..long ago]

oh sun..of men..you lived any times before this
and shall live many lives after this..[life =karma]
that we did do to others..we shall see be done..to us

yes we miss them..but they..know you do
its a shame..that you dont do the research

they weighed..the dying..but 4 out of the 6 cases[only]
financed/bought paid for..confirmed mass loss..yet even/that small truth has been spun..look at the research..not the spun..denial/that soothes your immediate/pain..but allows willful/mindless ignorance to continue..

never speak ill of the dead
unless you know for certain..its earned
[the Egyptians embalmed..cause they wanted..that evil captured..for ever..now we know the truth..isnt it time we set their souls free?

im not seeking to hurt/or guilt you
just think..of the departed..recall their greatness
give them/permission..to move on..too many linger in/limbo..just cause..we need to see them..just once more..

but..others are motivated..to do good works..
just so we end up in the same place..

its a big issue
hard to talk about./.or read about[till it gets done..IN..IGNORANCE..to you.]..

our emergency response needs IMMEDIACY..for the spirit/sake
for gods sake..the sudden dead/spirit often..'hangs around its death place..and other..less violent deaths..with-in..its flesh*CAGE..dont speak ill of the dead..it can bind you too it

the collective ignorance is palpable

I WANT YOUR PROOFS
dead=dead.,?

it aint

There is no need to prove death isn't the end. Life after death is simply nonsense. It would serve no purpose. One may believe what nonsense one wants to believe. People believe all sorts of nonsense.

Possibly a belief in life after death came about because of a fear of death. Do lizards and walruses have life after death? If not why not? Can one have thought with no brain? It is a ridiculous belief.

I loved my father dearly and miss him every day. He is not around any more. Those who knew him have memories of him. His descendents carry some of his genes. Eventually all who knew him will be dead, and no one living will have any memory of him. Eventually as with all other species the human race will die out, and no organism will carry his genes.

We can face reality, or we can deny it. It makes no difference to reality.

One way to deny reality is to believe in life after death.

corrective..action*

let this day be..about life eternal..
life wrought of the wholly spirit
and death..of sin

hate the sin..not the sinner
all spirits are on alert
it begins in the east

david..<<..Possibly a belief in life..after death came about because of a fear of death.>>

says one who/clearly..has dismissed signs of haunting

<<..Do lizards and walruses have life after death?>>

the only self aware..of the beast's are those who have tasted
human-like self awareness..[many cats..fewer dogs..mostly birds

thats why the trials to/weight the souls of dogs failed
they hadnt developed [evolved]..their souls..[yet][but because of their human trauma..never the less gainsaid human incarceration [sorry incarnation]..same same

<<..>>If not why not?..>>
could you fly..before you mastered to walk?
does the mastery..OF DRIVING A MECHANICAL CONVERYANCE..[auto]
PREPARE YOU..OR QUALIFY YOU TO..FLY THE SHUTTLE..or a boing?

DAMM..capzs

<<..Can one have thought with no brai>>

yes..nota high one..but yes[its basic food/not food
hunger/..eat full..poop..light dark warm cold
they arnt great conversationalists

nakes and most cats..are simply..driven..by external's
[lower spirit/herd-mind]
but its thought

<<....It is a ridiculous belief..>>

you only have beliefs because your awareness has reached higher..thinking..to where you are almost self aware enough..to/be aware of other..thus able to..ridicule their belief..yet still double-think thy own

merry festivus
next years..is not a year to/be alone
especially..indis-belief...the inquisition..begins...
unless we ask first...what beliefs will i happily die for...

while any change..in..its time is fine..
god hates enforced change upon anyone.

but im ready to..change..just not sure into what..just yet.

please expand..on how you 'dealt'..with entering
thy fathers house..on the..first occasion..following his departure..
your thoughts your feelings..its a time..to remember..those ahead..of us..share how you felt..looking upon them..the same.

we wernt 'allowed'..an open coffin
heart attacks [apparently]..dont look nice
[but thats only cause they harvested the organs.]

what did they tell you?
why are you afraid,..of death?
why are you afraid of living your awareness..for ever?

the father gave us our life
a living sperm..entered a living egg
the death of the father..is nothing as compared to mothER.

my father ..has allowed me to..reveal..'family secrets'
mt father..loved skirt..and he found the ultimate..with my mother.

her father didnt die..in..1954..her mother did
and the wolf swooped in..the father soon found another house slave
and duly was sent..to his daughter..to educate her..in/the ways..of woman..

well my/mother tried to/be mother..tried being lover
and got caught with fruit...[me]..ill begotten fruits..in her belly

anyhow she was sent away..from her home
explused..into the never never..[a dairy farm..in..gypsland]

mother told me recently..of..the day they arrived in the land/of the exiled..off the boat..a..small bag..and left on the dock/they found a train station..took the train..notified times etc..arrived in the middle of nowhere..into the dark night..leading..to information..

following this..they walked some distance..to the dairy farm
arriving finaly..at what was to be my birth place..wherein stands my birth tree..it was just before dawn..and they spotted the house

as they approached the light..came on
father knocked..the door opened..and they went to work..milking the cows..my earliest memories are..being tried to a tree..while my parents milked the cows twice per day.

my father earned his early release from/
in a life burden..the easy way

love you dad..i know we dont say such things before others
but old man..you dun well*[but father dont sit here by place they dont want me..me alone..please father go enjoy the fruits of thyne loins..im just fine

ast uwe beliefe
dank ye weell
tot zienze

your number one son*
johnnie

my paternal/father..allows me to speak
my father spirit..insists i..speak

my father..was never meant to be a milker
[fod gods sake jonnie..i was a fully trained fitter turner and welder
your mother was a fully trained secretary..did the compulary 'womans subjects[[cooking sewing you know huse stuff]

i wont speak..of the two years in..boer-[farmer]..hell
but i met a sales man..and became a great salesman..your playing the album..now..that i..gave you for..'helping'..me in my shop[lulu[..is the one you..chose..[lul=penus]..a boere lul..is an..insult..but i know dad was pleased.

anyhow he wanted tojoin..into this australia..with his mates
[in..the rsl]..anyhow long story..short..you recall we went to nederland..[holland]

ya fader..but ihave some news fader
on new years eve[at south bank]..ingoing to wear my bikie jacket
ya fader..im challanging..the free assosiatoion..LAW..

fader..please..
dont be like that
i..will play dead martin..and make you cry

yes i love you too..dad
it was good to see you..too
but dad..its something..ineed to do
they want me to explain..178808..yes father..i..know
but suicide by cop..isnt against the law..see you soonfather

yes iknow dad
of course i will father
[u2..what time?]..ok thanks dad

yep
me too
no..i.wont forget
tot siense fader..ya ya ik ook*

.

Thank you all for those interesting insights into your early life.

So I too am willing to play the game and say a few words of a personal nature on the subject.

I grew up in the belief that my father was dead. I had no idea how, why or when. It was a complete blackout. There was never any mention of my father in my family. Nobody ever raised the subject. Nobody ever asked any questions. That was the way it was. At school I said he was killed in the war. When I was older I put that on my cv.

I never really knew what happened to him. One memory I have of him is being thrown in the air and caught in his hands on the way down. I think it happened and I think it was him but I’m not absolutely certain. Another one is having lunch or dinner with him at his sister’s place in Kingaroy. We sat at a large rectangular wooden table and ate rabbit. There was a large bowl of apples and oranges on a wooden buffet near the table.

When I was thirteen I saw my mother crying for the first (and last) time. My brother, who was 18 months older than me, told me later that our father had just died. That was how I learned he was alive. His jeep turned over on the road north of Tennant Creek.

Nobody went to his funeral. Nor did anybody claim his belongings. Nobody from my family has ever been to Tennant Creek. It seems he was searching for gold.

My wife and I flew in to Tennant Creek from Darwin 50 years later and discovered he was buried under the name of one of my uncles whom I knew was buried in New Zealand. We found his grave and wired down some plastic flowers on it. It was too scorching hot and windy for anything else.

My brother told me later there was a little girl in the jeep too. Both my mother and brother are dead now.

.

banjo..your father..has heard..you
he shall present..himself before you this day..reflecting his qualities..in those you..shall meet..he did have gold fever..[he was driven..to/get that 'dream' strike..[he was closer than we know]..i suggest finding out more about/them..by talking to those who knew him.

there is a map apparently/the key to it your father shall give you this day..he has made many handshake deals..he is thrilled that you recall his flying trick...all the kids that knew him..know it...mum..sadly..hasnt taken..it all so well...but please..if its true[write him a letter][note particularly the errors..they are the key..;)

all thoughts will be important today
so make notes..[pick/up and note specifically..the message..of rubbish
you come across...on your dream/walk..[i..used to bag them..noting the KEY words..on/them/they blow people away..when they raise the issue..[key word]..and you wip it out..and say yes..i was told rthis earlier.

please note MOST importantly..is anger hurt avoidance
that begotten..by anger bear ill fruits..go for a walk with him
let the rubbish that comes your way..talk to..you for him..old men..prefer to listen..noone wants tohear why

he dont know why..he just wanted..the best..for those he LOVES ..even today..[you can help mum..by remembering all the good she did in raising you..plant a garden[or clean her garden]..dad loves his hand in/the dirt..so..2 mum..

there you go

my throat is there..do as you must.
[rubbish/in=rubbish/out]

thats the inputs..the fruit=up to you/more than/them
your father has now 'found'..his true/eternal-values.
says dont get/the fever...your more wealthy..now than/he ever was[for long].

walk/talk/listen/note.
spirit often replies as you ask/the question
repeats it endlessly..till..in a flash..you get it...when/you got it share it..[its the will to/share..thats even..more than/the sharing[careing]

Hi there BANJO PATERSON...

What an interesting account of what's known of your father's earlier history. It's always tragic, when circumstances do not permit a family remaining 'whole' for whatever reason.

I was not particularly close to my father, until his very last years. Seems, he was ashamed that I, his only son, sought the police as a career, after my discharge from the military ?

More often, dislocation of most families can be avoided, provided there's a fair bit of give and take by everyone concerned. When there's no capitulation reached, it's often because of some family member's stupid intransigency, or some other obscure self-absolving circumstance ? Such resultant failure, often means so much valuable time is lost, often lost irretrievably ! And one day BANJO PATERSON, the estranged member of the family, dies. Then it really is all too late ?

I wish you well my friend for the coming year of 2014.

Spare a short moment for a small Irish catholic child, one of thirteen, who was torn from his family, by the government political of the day like, all his siblings, who's father returned from Changi POW camp, quite insane, who over the past fifty years has occasionally been reunited with brothers and sisters but still estranged,WHO NEVER HAD A FAMILY CHRISTMAS, OR PRESENTS FROM FAMILY UNDER A TREE,OR A TRADITIONAL FAMILY CHRISTMAS DINNER and who when he finally left the "CARE" of the government at age 18 had no concept of empathy or love or caring and who joined the army and later the police force because those qualities were not needed.
Yes I miss my Dad, and My Mum and my brother and my sisters and my grandparents but most of all I miss Christmas past, present and future.

i dont know how to/take you chris..you talk..as if a youth/kid/child/yid

[im my mind there i see a 18..3/4 year old]..but as/the 13 th child of a changhi..RETURNEE..who even if only..half/there..manaGED TO RAISE ANT ETERNAL YOUTH..damm caps

<..estranged>>

were you/ALL..estranged..or just the 13th?

<<..,WHO NEVER HAD A FAMILY CHRISTMAS,>>
it was just after the war..but evenorphanages..have se,mblances..of a xmass dinner

<<..OR PRESENTS..>>

lets say/the post-war/child..in/you 'died..inthe 60's
you/never married..you never can have been..homeless..[as they get free xmass dinner]..so clearly your childless/or atheist..or other creed..most the world never heard of christ..let alone christymass

just as/you would not/be aware..of the fesitivus of lights
ignorance isnt any excuse for sympathy..you never herd..cause you..never thought to ask..or try to/give it.;a/try.[even to your kids]

if any
[plus/their mother
or else you avoided it..what do..you want?

sump-athy..[ok..poor you]

[or you/them..or both..somehow..decided
the kids wernt going to celebrate xmass

presence..<<FROM FAMILY UNDER A TREE,OR A TRADITIONAL FAMILY CHRISTMAS DINNER..>>

if you never had one
how do you know..you havnt

you ever pigged out on fruit booze pork/prawn
smoked eel herring and vanila truffle snails
mayte poor you..?

geeze ol geezer..how come my/guides are so peeved ?
i..havnt ever felt the chill..from/them like that

see
you are special

Hi there CHRISGAFF1000...

How're things been going for you these days ? Sounds like life's been no 'bed of roses' for you either eh ? Seems there's many of us who wish we'd managed to enjoy a Christmas with our close family more often, instead of wasting much of our early lives with stubborn obstinacy and arrogant self-importance.

When I was younger despite being in the military and the coppers, I was still a bit of a 'boofhead' 'til 23-24 years. Any estrangement I had with my family, 90% was caused by my own character deficiencies, and hubris, rather than anyone else's fault ! Marriage and responsibilities was the kick in the arse that I needed.

You say, emotions like love, empathy, and caring were concepts that were manifestly absent even unnecessary, in the coppers and the military ? Chris, I'd have to disagree with you there, but this is neither the time nor place to expand that discussion ?

I recall this old coot I once locked up, when at #4 Div. He said, '...we all bleed when we're cut...' ? A truer sentence I've never heard Chris.

Go kindly old friend.

Chris,
Oddly enough I reckon I learnt more about mateship, empathy, morals and ethics from the kids I grew up with in the orphanage than I ever did from adults. Like you I was a ward of the state from a very early age until I turned 18.
I see many positives in my upbringing and have utilised them over the years.
I have never been bitter, no time for that. Too busy. What's done is done.
I enjoy this living business and I do not have to look too far to find others who really are having a battle with life.
It's all good.
Take it easy.
SD

The common thread appears that that regardless of ideology or background, those of us who had good dads miss them greatly, & those who had no dad, or a lousy one, miss the one they wish they had.

Christmas is mentioned a bit, & I can understand why. I was set for a lone Christmas in Rabaul [PNG] one year. I had to be in a town to ring mum. She would have been devastated if she had not received a Christmas call. In those days, trying to make a phone call from that area, by a yacht's radio was an exercise bound to fail.

I was a member of the yacht club, raced with them when in port, & had quite a few friendly nodding acquaintances, but no real friends in the town. A couple I knew, but not well, non active members of the yacht club, invited me to Christmas lunch. They were 2 of the 10 people I had taken to the Duke of Yorks Ball, on my yacht, a couple of months earlier. They invited another solo bloke, an electrical engineer who taught math at the college.

No air conditioning up there in those days, so lunch was in a house-wind, a heavily thatched roof on polls in the garden, with a few woven coconut fond 3Ft high mats forming sort of walls, & the same as the floor.

We were totally different people, but in that setting it was a really happy Christmas group. I don't know if she wanted more than just the 2 of them, or was being nice to what she probably saw as a couple of lost souls, whatever, I really appreciated the gesture, & had an excellent Christmas.

Hasbeen,
I lived in Rabaul for a time, around '68.
I was a member of the yacht club, did a bit of sailing.
Enjoyed my time there, moved to Morseby after Rabaul.
Off topic but just for info, bought myself a sextant for Christmas, I have about four now, I take a sight from time to time to keep my eye in.
SD

Magnificent place wasn't it shaggy? I wonder how much is left after the volcano. I know the yacht club, the pool & swimming club, & the main business area are gone, but the harbor is still in use, & that north western part of town is still there.

One of the couples had a trip to Japan, & came back on the Chitral cruise ship. As they cruised up the harbor everyone was coming up to them exclaiming almost in disbelief, "do you really live here?". That view, coming up the harbor, with all the buildings peaking out of the coconut palms must have been one of the best sights on earth I reckon.

Did you ever do the Duke Of York's ball?

Hasbeen,
No I cannot recall the Ball.
Tavurvur the volcano, stank a bit and the place had constant earth tremors when I was there. The water was quite hot around the base of Tavurvur and you had to be careful that the boat engine did not overheat. Across the harbor the base of Vulcan or the beach at the base of Vulcan had a bit of temp.
They had both erupted in '37 and destroyed the place and did it again in '94. Simpsons harbor is one big caldera and the volcanoes around the harbor are perched on the lip of this massive crater. It must have been a god almighty explosion to make a hole that big.
There was still a lot of unexploded ordinance and other leftovers from WW2 when I was there.
Good times.
SD

I lost my dad back in 2004 and it has been the toughest thing I have ever had to deal with.

Still to this day I rarely go a day without thinking of him.

Christmas was always speacil to him as Christmas lunch was always his day, a tradition that I seem to have adopted.

When I look around the room at Christmas time, I can't help think that it was his doing that created the family I have today.

Always loved my dad, still do and always will because I think that just because someone has gone, doesn't mean you have to stop loving them.

A quote from a movie I remember was a dying man saying to his partner, "will you promise to love me for the rest of my life", and she replied, "No! I'm going to love you for the rest of my life".

Love you dad! Always will.

Shaggy Dog,
I am not bitter like many things I never learned to be bitter. The state institutions that I grew up in , Yarra Bay, Broughton, Broughm, Charlton, Berri, Mittagong, Anglewood, Natti, Yean were all bad places run by bad people who are now under the spotlight at the RC into child abuse.
There was no time for Xmas or birthdays only time for scrubbing the floors or digging the paddocks in useless succession.
The abuse you learned to cop because there wasn't a thing you could do about it.
If you complained you got even more beatings and deprivations.
The only thing I am bitter about is that RC insiders tell me there will be no punishments handed out as a result of the RC to individuals, only recommendations to prevent future problems.
OUG talks about bad cops well I guess my upbringing accounted for my bad behavior as a squad cop. Sorry about that.

chris..there..is..reason..for..any anger..
there is al*ways a cause..and the easy way..is to release it.

my father..never got really angry..[but..he also never got truly/happy..despite trying hard..]

dad was a people person/loved nothing better than..others..saying the nice things..[if he showed his anger..he quickly/pushed/sublimed it away..deep inside]..by pushing..it away..by..[keeping it all inside] [personalizing..it..within/killed him]

over my times i have had the same angers..but not the same need for peer recognition..he loved nothing better than a drink with/his mates/i love nothing better than a calming smoke alone.[he despite being the typical father of the times/never the less had good as well as bad influences..[as do we all]..i know he likes nothing better than a drink..so anytime..i need him..i just crack/open a tube

ihate the taste of it/but enjoy the affect[dad like me had an addictive personality/thus i..might only drink..a few times a year/because i/dont need the reminders.

we each[though/largely forgotten]..had a pre life review..our parents were SPECIFICALLY..united..together..to..i give our evolving souls..the needed teachings[thus glutton..might need a scarcity..situation/that allows them..to/see..the other things..their soul/needs to experience..to mature.

i clearly..needed..his adverse peer advantage/life experiences..
installed..in/me..the further my own spiritual/learning..that my too dependent..on/other soul/had accumulated..that was preventing my higher evolving closer to/our true father[god]

my father was devoutly..anti god[he said he had read the books 3 times
and that it was all ccc/ rap..so i grew up..in/his image..in/that aspect/he also is handy..with his hands..a smooth talker and the ladies man

he is handsome/funny talented..he just cares..too much
loves to deeply..too easy..trusted/mates wouldnt hurt him
when they did..it ripped his heart in two.

continues

anyhow i grew uplike him
got biker mates/got drunk..worked myhands etc

but then..i/got busted

but it was only after my removal from my jobs/work family/etc..that i/had the chance to read and re read the/new testiment[new age version]

it was only upon/further incarcerations i/read the whole bible
and saw the preceding stuff..what jesus said made 'sense'[but the thing is BEFORE i could comprehend..the beginning..i had a clear of the ending.

but im waffling/on..[dad didnt talk much]
i figure..if you were raised..by mothers..its cause in previous life fathers didnt help you get here[i figure no parents..its/because you wanted to respect/your previous GREAT/perfect/ideal parents..but needed a life sentence..to appreciate them..or realize the great gift great ones can/be/but also not the curse others are bound to [ETERNALLY].

anyhow after release..i go back to/my self imposed lonely HOME DETENTION..[cave]..and read the many of gods comforters he has sent to mankind..anyhow..god loves us dearly..he knows what we need

to evolve..out wants/needs
[but think..of it like this]..we sleep 8hours..during which we dream
[wether we remember..it or not]..and the dreaming is nonstop..sofor our waking hours..we spend here in hell[but in our dream/life..wwe met with our true parents]

here we may be hungry[but in our dreams we are given feasts
here we may live on/the street..but in/our dream..we come home..to our fathers mansion...here we blog/in my dreams i blog too...this means im obsessing about blogging..i cant get too unbalanced..one has to/go..or i greate obsessions

anyhow..in life[im alone]
in my dreams im alone..thes LAWS..of free assosiation/
are aimed at keeping me ALONE*..aimed at me personally..im affronted..not offended...not upset..just learning ..iam not alone

Chris,
When I left I moved across the country and started life all over again. Put it all behind me, as best I could anyway. Those I mixed with knew nothing about my background.
It was only in later years that I thought about it much, mostly because my kids started to ask questions I guess.
Like you birthdays were not celebrated, being hungry was a fact of life, cold and barefoot in the winter, there were some sadistic types amongst those who controlled us. All dead now, long gone.
I sure would have liked to have had a normal upbringing but you do the best with the hand that's dealt you.
I was fortunate I guess that I had the opportunity to make a fresh start and I grabbed it with both hands. I never spent much time looking back, not until recently anyway and that has been more of an academic interest.
Take it easy.
SD

http://www.infowars.com/its-a-wonderful-lie-100-years-of-the-federal-reserve/

there/is a reason..for everything..maybe your learning was with peers
those like you that needed the same learning[appreciating each-other]
the key being the learning of the awareness..of the other

i had two parents..but look at you..yes you didnt have..earthy/parental/presence..[in/this realm]..but surely you recall an..ideal/parent..of thy dreams..these are yours..these are the eternal..by all means...seek to know your genetic/generic..but dont forfeit the eternal for the temporal..[the ways with the means with the intent]

anyhow im waffling..my heart..isnt..in/it
i wasnt meant to be nightmare/a wasnt meant to/be a power worker
i wasnt meant to/be..a recovery driver..i dont know..what im intended tobe..maybe just an example..but im/over being alone..but trust no one

anyhow my guides are saying we should all send ghrayham..our photo
and get him/to put up a survey..asking us to accord..names to the faces

im sure we have met each other[in our dreams]
you could say its our self affirming/of dream thread
i figure we score hits..on/the right..names..misses dont count

but i rekon..[despite only ever only meeting grayham]
that..most us will instantly..know each-other[even though our dream-selves..often..dont even resemble..our physical/externals]

i..know belly and me..will know each other
even though..i..cant recall names..like sung wu..i could pick him out of a line up..[you im not sure of [i avoid conflicts in my dreams..but often our dream self[astral-self]..dont resemble true nor material or our temporal self...often/only our natures.

the teaching of its a wonderfull life
wasnt/noted on tv..this year..i suggest..thats a sign/of our time.

http://www.infowars.com/

There was still quite a bit still in the 70s Shaggy.

They had a backhoe digging foundations for a new police station while I was there. It suddenly disappeared. It had fallen into a Jap bunker attached to the Admirals bunker, but walled off with dirt, & never found.

The bunker was half full of 8" & 12" naval projectiles, the exploding part the gun fires. Fortunately no cordite, but the backhoe could have set the lot off when it landed on them.

Took 3 days for some very brave, [or foolish] men to get it & the shells out, & dump them at sea.

PS. For those who may not understand the above post, the bunkers were about 8Ft underground.

The Japs in Rabaul lived & did everything underground. The place was so heavily bombed that residents returning after the war could not find where their homes had been. Even the foundations had been destroyed & scattered.

Tunnel hill, behind the town was about 1000Ft high, & the Japs had tunnels from the harbor to the top, with large storage tunnels as well.

The submarine base, as it was known, was a tunnel dug into a hill right on the sea. They were supplied by a submarine towing 2 drone subs, as any ships that entered the harbor were sunk in hours.

They had a transportable slipway, they laid across the coral to deep water. This was laid at night, & the subs pulled up into the tunnel to be unloaded. The slipway was retracted before dawn to prevent detection. This system was only discovered after the war.

An interesting place Rabaul.

Hasbeen,
I knew an old villager in Rabaul who showed me around the area in the time I was there and pointed out places where atrocities had occurred when the Japanese took Rabaul in WW2. He had seen some of it first hand and it had obviously affected him as it did me in the telling.
We became quite good friends. We talked of many things and oddly enough he was not too keen on the forthcoming independence as he thought TPNG was not yet ready for it.
His sons views were quite different.
I was at one time involved in the training of locals and picked up a bit of Pidgin along the way. Strangely enough I still use some words on a regular basis but am not aware I do it.
Take it easy.
SD