I have noticed that the question of religion get many contributors to this forum hot under the collar. For the record my position is, there is no god. He/she/it has been invented by humans to explain ignorance or to control the ignorant for power and/or gain. I would like to introduce a new god that is more substantial and realistic than all other franchises.

Introducing “Little Wooden God” (Not to be confused with the less portable Big Wooden God)

Little Wooden God’s advantages over all other franchises are:

You can see it without a psychotic condition (Try that with those other gods).
How it looks is only limited by your imagination.
Everyone can have one.
It is small enough that you can take it with you (Customs bio security permitting).
If you are attacked you can use it to defend yourself.
Hollow ones have the ability to make music.
Solid ones can be used as percussion instruments.
Its carbon neutral (In fact it is a mini carbon sink).
If you can’t swim it can be used as buoyancy.
If you’re cold you can burn it to keep warm. (Replacements are not expensive)
Your children would be safe in its company.

The question of worship has to be addressed:

I would suggest Little Wooden Gods should be driven in a row on a lawn. A holy person should symbolically fend off the “Devils Coach Horse” (an insect otherwise known as a Rove Beetle) symbolized by something round and hard. This is tossed with some vigour at the holy person by one who is not so holy. All the followers could sit around and cheer when the holy person is able to fend of the Devils Coach Horse with a Little Wooden God protecting the other Little Wooden Gods driven in the lawn behind. Followers could wear funny hats and could their own develop side rituals and sects. Sounds a bit stupid I know, but stranger things have caught on.

So what do you think?

Lol producer :)
I love your idea.

If I was going to consider believing in a God, I may well consider yours.
At least you can see it, and so portable!

You realise how much trouble you will be in when some of our holy posters comment though, don't you?
I look forward to it...

I too do not believe.
And given the idiots who are up front in some Church,s, the fool who said God acted as a firebug in Vic.
The dangerous half wit who demands his flock abuse familly,s of the war dead in America, we could truly use your wooden God there.
Exclusive breatheran pty ltd.
Tom Cruises dangerous non Church.
No good writing a list, we only have 350 words.
Lets stop the tax breaks, tax the very Devil out of them, for a start.

Producer, I hope your Little Wooden God, is not going to replace the one true god The God of the Dollar Bill. The more you accumulate the more godly you become.
How can you say "there is no god. He/she/it has been invented by humans to explain ignorance or to control the ignorant for power and/or gain." There is your little wooden god, and my dollar god, 2 for starters, I do believe the Hindus, have thousands of gods, take your pick, you can't have the one that looks like an elephant, I have already claimed that one for myself. So there there are plenty of gods.
Unfortunate someone has beat you to the punch. There I was watch my favorite TV program at 3am 'The Home Shopping Show' and loan behold there is 'Dannoz Direct' flogging Little Wooden Gods for the amazing price of only $99.95 plus $19.95 P&H, and not only are they selling their gods for this fantastic price, if I called within the next 15 minutes, I get a second Little Wooden God, absolutely free! wait there is more I also get absolutely free a 'genie bra' mine to keep as a gift from my new friends at Dannoz Direct, naturally I called, don't want to miss out, stocks are limited. If I am not completely satisfied with a Dannoz god, I can return it within 30 day for a full refund of the purchase price less P&H and still keeping my genie bra as a free gift, could you ask for more?. They also warn of cheap imitations.
The beauty of my Dannoz Direct god is it will deliver anything and everything I want. The fellow with the American accent on the add said so, Betty-Sue from Albuquerque New Mexico asked for a red sports can, Betty-Sue was amazed when it arrived 10 minutes later. Poor Betty-Sue had prayed to countless gods for a sports car, none delivered until Dannoz did. See there is a god for all of us.

>>There I was watch my favorite TV program at 3am 'The Home Shopping Show' and loan behold there is 'Dannoz Direct' flogging Little Wooden Gods for the amazing price of only $99.95 plus $19.95 P&H, and not only are they selling their gods for this fantastic price, if I called within the next 15 minutes, I get a second Little Wooden God, absolutely free! wait there is more I also get absolutely free a 'genie bra' mine to keep as a gift from my new friends at Dannoz Direct, naturally I called, don't want to miss out, stocks are limited.<<

$120 for a LWG when they grow on trees? Only somebody who really loved trees - like a tree-hugging hippy - would be willing to pay rather than hurting a plant and snapping a branch off the nearest shrubbery. A chilling insight into the Green-voting mind.

Cheers,

Tony

I am a firm believer that our present is linked
with our past. The Lithuanian poet, Al Zolynas
puts it so well:

"I come from a tribe of nature worshippers,
pantheists, believers in faeries, forest sprites,
and wood nymphs, who heard devils in their windmills,
met them in the woods, cloven-hooved and dapper
gentlemen of the night, who named the god of thunder,
who praised and glorified bread, dark rye waving
waist-high out of the earth, and held it sacred,
wasting not a crumb, who spent afternoons
mushrooming in forests of pine, fir, and birch, who
transferred Jesus from his wooden cross, transformed him
into a wood-carved, worrying peasant, raised him on a
wooden pole above the crossroads where he sat with
infinite patience in rain and snow, wooden legs apart,
wooden elbows on wooden knees, wooden chin in wooden
hand, worrying and sorrowing for the world ..."

"These people who named their sons and daughters after
amber, rue, fir tree, dawn, storm, are the only people
I know who have a diminutive form for God Himself ---
Dievulis, "God-my-little-buddy."

"Any wonder I catch myself speaking to trees, flowers, bushes---
these eucalyptus so far from Northern Europe--- or that I
bend down to the earth, gather pebbles, acorns, leaves,
boles, bring them home, enshrine them on mantelpieces or
above porcelain fixtures in corners, any wonder I grow
nervous in rooms and must step outside and touch a tree,
or sink my toes in the dirt, or watch the birds fly by."

I feel a strong kinship with Al Zolynas. We're kindred
spirits, as I'm from the same tribe!