I really cannot understand why we associate notions of "dignity" or "indignity" with death. Frankly, if I am dying, I really do not care how it all looks to my family and friends, if the doctor can do anything, to keep me alive and pain free, just do it. We can discuss the embarassing aspects of it all when I survive!

Both as a former hospital chaplain and now a lawyer advocating the rights of adults for whom the statuory Adult Guardian makes decisions (often in the context of what is colloquially described as euthanasia), I resonated with the vast majority of the author's personal reflections and experiences. However, with the greatest respect, the article misses the main point of the author's question: death with dignity is only an oxymoron depending on the definition employed for 'dignity'. Notwithstanding that I concede the author's point that there is a tendency in our society to want to put a cosmetic gloss on the experience of death, the virtue of dignity can go much beyond that cosmetic gloss.

I think it was the salmon mousse that killed them, not a soup

Did they Lagon? Watch it again and one of the Ladies says "But I didn't eat the salmon mouse!" Always an ironic twist with Monty Python.

But to the serious stuff, I empathise with the author and the experience of his father's painful death. I had a similar experience with mine. For 3 days with lung cancer, strugling to breath, up to his eyeballs in morphine, nothing could take away the pain and desperation, he begged us to kill him, we could all hear him scream, and none of us knew what to do. We couldn't kill him. It was horrific.

Since volunteering as an HIV carer with a half a dozen dying people in the dreaded mid 90's, I held their hands to their deaths. Their friends were "too busy" at the time.

Two were under 25 years old and their parents disowned them. Again, the morphine failed to take away the pain with 3: they begged for mercy: their deaths. Of course I couldn't do it.

I still see the ghostly look in their eyes. Since then I taught school in central Queensland needing a break from so many deaths in Sydney.

In 2005 I had to mark the role. One of the kids was born on the same day as of the patients had died in 1990 at SVH Hospice, Sydney. All I could see was a face screaming and I was paralised in shock, it was like a flashback.

The start of a life, the end of another. Both were really just kids. And I'm still here, some old fart with survival guilt. Luckily my family seem to know me well enough to be be sensitive when I stare at the wall for no reason.

Crazy life I've had. Will my death be this mad?

Its not really about dignity. Its about those screams for mercy and the failure of pain relief. Hasn't anyone else been haunted by these kinds of experiences coping with the memory of painful deaths?

I guess it is like shell shock. Mercy, is the rationale, not cosmetics.

I found the writer's story compelling and I have posted it on my website in response to my friend who asked for comments there.. I genuinely felt humbled by the maturity and insight the author displayed.

I've read a couple other comments and wondered if any of them had ever experienced similar journeys to that being described, and I think not. That is the single most important factor in being able to relate to its message....until you've walked in those shoes it can be impossible to make judgments.

Reading a ethics book recently there was a paragraph that grabbed my attention. "In cases where patient's suffering is intense, protracted, unendurable and intractable it seems cruel to deny them the choice of death as a means of release from their suffering. Euthanasia in these kinds of cases is said to be justified on grounds of "prevention of cruelty" or "mercy"., and of preventing an otherwise avoidable harm from occurring."

It should be down to the individual's choice for themselves. That way no one is offended. Your Body, Your Choice: Their body, their choice
Mary Walsh
www.yourchoiceindying.co

With apology StFletcher, I missed your article under the radar..I thought Salmon's comments a little offensive when then perhaps I've lost my sense of humor some time ago on these matters....

The painful death is the reality of cancer for many, and the hospital drama scenes on television never really capture the reality of a bad death which is frequently the case. Your descriptive writing goes some way towards remedying this.

As more people become better educated, it will be harder for the authorities to hide the evidence of protracted dying which sometimes has been directly linked back to technological advances keeping us alive long after we should have been allowed to die.

Hopefully with the Greens in the Upper House in Victoria's Parliament the concept of us not being permitted to take charge of our own dying process because "only God can give or take life' will be debunked with the evidence of science we have available if only we could use it!

Mary Walsh
www.yourchoiceindying.com