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The Forum > Article Comments > Are fathers missing in action in today's families? > Comments

Are fathers missing in action in today's families? : Comments

By Peter West, published 10/11/2014

Changed as they are, and in all their variety, families are still a crucial building-arch for every society we know. And fathers are the keystone.

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I prefer just plain old physical paternity. Keeps thing simple.

The value of the paternal contribution is way under-recognised, and it will continue to be so while ever men's consent is not required.

Pounding on men will only make matters worse. For myself, I will never consent until I receive an acceptable exchange. Women unequally bear the costs of reproduction, and not as a social construct either. And men unequally bear the costs of getting women to spread their legs, in case you haven't noticed.

Therefore any arrangement by which men enter into social paternity on the basis of equality with women, will be inherently unfair, and we would expect men to desert it in droves, which they are doing. All women are doing is trying shuck off the costs of their own reproductive chances and choices onto men, who reproductive chances and choices are by nature different and to some extent conflicting. It is sexist, discriminatory, patriarchal, and unjust that policy should force one sex, as a group, to sacrifice their sexual or reproductive interests to another, which is the situation we have now.
Posted by Jardine K. Jardine, Monday, 10 November 2014 8:40:59 AM
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Any article that starts off with a quote from holy Kevin Andrews is always going to be suspect.

I started to wade my way through the pages of red highlighted action quotes and I lost interest. All I saw were whinges and whines about how badly off men are in our world.
Imagine how hard it must be for the even worse off females then?

This author is touted as an 'expert' on men and boys.
Why?
Because he works at a university and listens to mad politicians such as Kevin Andrews.
Most of the boys on this site won't listen to 'academics' anyway, will you boys?

From where I sit, the bulk of males in our society don't do too bad at all.
Posted by Suseonline, Monday, 10 November 2014 10:12:26 AM
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NO! Not in the suburban Melbourne I frequent. I am constantly delighted as I walk through our shopping area on weekends and holidays and see so many fathers with infants and toddlers in strollers, some shopping, some just walking, no mothers to be seen.
I have always stopped to talk to mothers with babies, who invariably enjoy talking about their child/children with an interested old grandmother.
My delight increases now, as I find that fathers, once usually out of sorts if they had to perform 'mother's' work, talk to me as happily as mothers do...telling me, with the same pride, about their babies and children. These fathers are enjoying their children in ways which neither my father nor husband enjoyed theirs...tied as they were to
older ideas of 'womens'and 'mens' different areas of child care.
I see fathers and older children riding their bikes together, out on skate boards,just walking,having fun,together. This is a great new development in child care...for mothers, fathers and children. It may lead to less abuse of our most precious Australians.
Posted by carol83, Monday, 10 November 2014 10:23:56 AM
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Reading between the lines, all we need do is get men to behave like most women!
And emoting and sharing as never before.
Men are wired differently, and still need things like phonetics to get the necessary foundation stone to a good education!
Men deal with emotional pain by burying it!
That's their inherent nature!
The rest is just shed/time out/B-B-Q and a few beers with the blokes.
They need time to learn to like and bond with their kids, and then feel the pain of loss and separation much more keenly and intensively than women!
Little wonder most divorced dads have disappeared within 3 years of divorce!
How about we just get off of men's backs and just allow them to be men!
The guy that plays with the kids and then is critiqued for being a big kid!
Or comes home after a 14 hour day, [or sixteen with the commute,] and deadbeat from physical exertion rarely if ever required of a female, save say nurses, and then is asked to take a larger share of the household duties; on top of the eternally undervalued yard, garden duties and home maintenance.
So this is a partnership?
Personally, it's just not so difficult living alone, and missing out on all the never ending demands to be different or more like a girl!
Or in an ever changing landscape and or expectations!
I'd bring back fault and paternity testing as my first order issue, before conceding anything else!
Contracts are just that, and require fidelity as a first order condition; as opposed to playing around and then getting some poor trusting fool to wear the inevitable consequences, and for what?
Discarded like last week's garbage, when his use is ended; or he breaks!?
It's not the chuck that hurts, but the sheer ease with which it's inevitably accomplished!
And don't tell me you're sorry for my pain ladies! It just doesn't wash, but particularly when you don't know me or my circumstances!
I'm not buying any, particularly, when I was never ever missing in action as a dad!
Rebel Rhrosty.
Posted by Rhrosty, Monday, 10 November 2014 10:47:51 AM
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Total fail Peter.

First we definitely don't need more expert advice, particularly if this piece is an example of expert thinking. Most of our problems come from women listening to experts like Dr Spock, & his advice on child raising. Then letting feminists take over the family court, so if a dad ever does some fathering, he is castigated for it, finished the job.

All the expert advice suggesting "quiet time" & other such junk, & stopping dads from applying a little discipline is the trouble. It is painful to see many nice ladies who can't understand how their baby became a useless layabout cetin.

Then we get "Finally, around the world, boys are having difficulties in learning. The educational literature is full of material asking why this is the case: are boys slower than girls? Is school unfair to them? Are we teaching in ways which unconsciously appeal to girls"

No Peter they are testing in ways to suit girls. When instead of a question requiring the student to show some understanding of manipulating numbers or symbols, we get questions in senior math such as "describe a number" it really is too late. Of course this probably comes from very few women who can even do a bit of algebra, let alone real math, so no lady math teachers available.

If we wanted to study literature, we would be in an English class, where the ladies can chatter inanely to their hearts desire.

Men have stepped back for the sake of less argument & nagging. Our ladies, & feminist blokes have shown they have no idea, & we now have the boys they deserve. From what I see around here, it takes about another 10 years after uni, or a trade course, & out of mothers influence, for most boys to finally emerge from this crap, & grow up, well the 60% or so who ever do, that is.

That's the smart ones. The less so rebelled at 15 & have been in & out of the courts, if not prison, ever since.

Thanks Dr Spock & his followers.
Posted by Hasbeen, Monday, 10 November 2014 12:40:09 PM
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'Any article that starts off with a quote from holy Kevin Andrews is always going to be suspect.

actually any article that is criticised from the 'unholy ' Susie must have some value. The Emily's listers and supporters have done great damage to kids and contributed greatly to social disorder. They then blame everyone else and expect the taxpayer to pick up the tab while paying regressive 'social'engineers who have not a clue.
Posted by runner, Monday, 10 November 2014 12:52:09 PM
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