As I listen to my partner,67, engage with his two grandsons 9,11 teaching them to play poker, monopoly, or driving a ride mower I can't help but think there must be another way to teach boys of this age a sense of fair play and consideration of themselves without the put down or critiscm of each other. With phrases like "i'm gonna gut you" or continual one upmanship, never letting the younger boys win and continuing to withhold information which woul allow them to think for themselves and occasionally win. Why is it that boys never seem to be told to "think about other people" or " you are not the only one in this house who needs to ?? Instead there seem to be so many mixed messages of never having to wait for anything they want including food- they simply help themselves without asking unless I step in and tell them as it is not their home they need to ask for what they want, causing disputes with my partner. They are indulges with material tthings so much that they seem to have no respect for them and when they break them they just ask for another and its given. What values are we teaching these children who are taught they can have whatever they want whenever they want, except fairness, kindness, honesty and respect and boundaries.

To deny that males are responsible for the majority of violent incidents would be flat out wrong, but I would also believe it is a large generalisation to say that young boys are never told to think about other people or their feelings. I know I was told, and I'm near certain most of my male friends' parents instilled in them similar values.

Being competitive isn't also necessarily a bad thing. Achievement motivation and learning to build skills are important. But, as you suggest, these should be moderated with lessons that winning isn't everything, politeness pays, and a cool head prevails.