While one reads this learned epistle with deep reverence, and not a little Jack Daniels, there is but one mystery of this world that it doesn't uncover.

If one works for the NSA and daily listens to Cabinet meetings of those foreigners in Beijing, Moscow and, of course, Canberra - there are several similarities one must note, the clink of glasses, slurred voices, Tony grimacing and Putin dribbling, on the table, yet again.

What they really have in common is that when we're not looking they all speak American with funny Sesame Street accents. All but one.

We here at Fort Meade (that's boss bwana HQ to the present POTUS) had a particular problem with Australian Cabinet meetings. Boring, mostly, but there was this Prime Minister - Julia - who no-one could understand. It wasn't her being a woman an all. It was just her.

Our best brains steeped in indigenous Ossie languages couldn't crack Julia's code. Then we talked to our main CIA source (umm made famous by Wikileaks...) Bill Shorten - a man of distinction - the Governor-General's son-in-law.

Bill explained that Julia had to ditch a perfectly good Welsh accent early on to pursue an Ossie political career. She practiced and practised something unintellibabble. But Bill, after lashings of Jack Daniels, and lashings, explained it was ACTU-Canberra-Cockney - nothing to do with Australia at all. Our London East End translators were mobilized with a lot, though not extreme, prejudice.

Listening to Abbott and Bishop in Cabinet is so much easier. They may bitch about America's brand new war in Syria - but they know we're listening - in Australia's best interests.

So we at the NSA raise a toast - to the Ossie Cabinet that we monitor - legally. We run the place, the world, where all you foreigners speak American....um except for Julia ACTU-Canberra-Cockney :)

Almost forgot to give a little trans-Pacific nudge to Bill's campaign:

http://www.businessinsider.com.au/here-is-how-a-us-diplomatic-cable-describes-bill-shortens-personality-2013-9

Cheers

I couldn't agree more--too much is made of knowing the local lingo.

If you build a better mouse trap the world will beat a path to your door.

Science and technological programs/literacy should be the recipients of our funding--not languages.