You are a victim of your foolish ment , I hope you got council approval for this venture as it may encroach on another persons idea of tranquility. Your backyard is your own, and not meant for any wild parties, to disrupt others.

//For small home orchards with just a few trees, bird netting is quite effective.//

That's what we've found to work: olives, finger limes, lemons, mandarins, grapes, passionfruit, tomatoes, onions, mulberries in both varieties although I've never understood the point of the white ones because they have no flavour; it's the apples that struggle and it's not really good country for apples anyway.

Ever had a home made olive? Better than you can buy in the stores, and the wildlife won't touch them because they're inedible before brining.

I want to look into growing my own mushrooms. Any mycologists around here?

Hassy birds have bird brains, but they beat you. As did the introduced fruit flys which you help to spread. Where does that put you. And you have the hide to call me a fool. No fool like an old fool

Dear Hasbeen,

For years my wife had lamented the very poor output from a fig tree she planted quite a while ago. She got to wondering how much of it was claimed by birds even though she hadn't caught any actually feeding on the fruit. Her sister mentioned a plastic hawk from Bunnings had worked for her so in she went to purchase one.

The salesperson said the hawk would do the job but that another item was very effective. It looks like a balloon with eyes.
http://www.bunnings.com.au/whites-60cm-x-0-2mm-birdscare-balloon-pest-control_p3041582

As it was under $5 so my wife thought why not. When she got it home i was more than a little skeptical.

The veritable harvest of figs that tree is now delivering every few days is amazing. The trick is to move them every morning which doesn't take much time else the birds do wise up.

We've got an almond tree, plum trees, lemons, peach trees,
and no problems since buying an "owl" from our local National
Geographic shop. The "Owl" is quite large and we do move it
around.

//We've got an almond tree, plum trees, lemons, peach trees//

I am green with envy. It's too warm in Newcastle for stone fruit, which is a damn shame because I really want an apricot tree. The apricots they sell in the shops have no flavour. I can remember when apricots tasted of apricot, but I reckon the only way I'll be able to get one like that these days is to grow my own.