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Server error
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I attempt pushing the bell and wait, I push twice more and wipe my feet a few times before the door is finally opened.
It is a tidy house. There are cartoons behind glass in frames on the wall, good lighting and ambience. There is a prayer mat on the floor in one corner, on the wall above is a painting of Krishna with some rosary beads hanging off the corner of the frame. Each time I pass a window it opens and this startles me.
Some well dressed guests have already arrived and are carrying on polite conversations with the odd stutter and an occasional raised eyebrow. One glances up and gets a nod from the host before continuing to talk.
Outside the windows are colourful adverts, the guests are politely ignoring this.
I open my mouth and quickly close it again at a frown from our host. I wait for his nod and have suddenly used up my words for the next two hours with my outburst.
I am told to go down the hall, first door on the right. I find my way and discover a message taped to the seat saying “server error”. I stand there horrified, I am busting with nowhere to put it.
I can hear the rise and fall of a whispered conversation in the hallway;
“ Ginx how dare you accuse me in my own home”
“I am on to you Graham, you force your guests to wee in the garden or leave if they have no patience with the door bell that you deny is broken!”
“Ginx if you keep this up I will have to ask you to leave”
“I’m going anyway Graham and I am taking the balloons from the mailbox! And that damn High Court Justice was taking a leak on it when I arrived!”
I am scared now and desperate to get back to my ancient cottage, I know my flush works.