Dear Fractelle,

I definitely agree that negative reactions do
have a far greater impact. Is it a cultural
thing - the times we're living in - I don't
know. It seems that our entire society is
degenerating into "blame sessions."


Many people think that other people
are the problem. Whether its immigrants, Muslims,
Christians, homosexuals, single parents, and so
on.

Many people feel that their way is the right way
and that people who disagree with them are ignorant,
or bad. Others don't have any respect for the rights
of others to hold opinions different from their own.
That's where malice and intolerance comes in - as well
as personal attacks.

Of course these attitudes impact on people.

We all react to how we're
treated - and many of us have had curve balls thrown at
us by people and situations. When the right buttons
are pressed - we all react.

Yet a healthy, and vital society is not one
in which we all agree.
A healthy society is one in which we allow each other
to disagree - where we respect the opinions of others,
even though they differ from our own. Where we have
a commitment to the attributes of fair play and integrity.

Each of us is responsible for our own actions. We can't
control the actions of others. I'd like to think that
I'm capable of respecting someone who disagrees with me.
And I certainly don't expect everyone to agree with my
take on things. But it's the personal attacks and labeling
that will provoke a negative reaction from me -
and has done so on numerous
occasions in the past, much to my shame.

What can I do about it - I don't know - keep trying not
to react, or provoke any one else by being intolerant
myself.

I guess that's all I can do.

Foxy

"But it's the personal attacks and labeling that will provoke a negative reaction from me - and has done so on numerous occasions in the past, much to my shame."

I don't think you have much to feel ashamed of Foxy! I'm constantly impressed by the positive and generous manner in which you frame your arguments, even when responding to provocation that most of us, or myself at least, would have responded to in kind.

I agree, Fractelle, I think our responses to others are largely determined by our perception of the way in which they communicate toward us. I consider myself to be a warm and friendly person in most situations, but if I'm treated rudely or with total lack of consideration, the warmth and friendliness is quickly gone! I can be sharp and nasty in return and of course the level of communication then just degenerates into further coolness.

This probably wouldn't happen if I could just grin and bear it and turn the other cheek and all, but I mostly find that difficult to do. I can ignore provocation, but there are occasions where I really like to dish it out in kind!

I haven't had to dish out much on OLO for quite some time now, as the posters who most stirred that sort of reaction in me seem to have vacated the scene! I actually miss them in a strange way. Is it human nature to need a bit of agro in your day I wonder, or is it just me?

I do think Foxy is a classic example here on OLO though of how the generous response does in turn bring out the best in others. I've seen her do it many times before, and she's just gone and done it again in Romany's current thread on love. :)

eAnt

Please say hello to Cousin Id for me. :)

Bronwyn asks:

"Is it human nature to need a bit of agro in your day I wonder, or is it just me?"

Nah, its just you, Bronwyn. What's the point in being a Cyster of the Coup de Grace unless there is someone to deliver it to? But they have to deserve it first, don't they? And when such miscreants have fled the OLO scene, what do you do? Why, you punish yourself!

Here is an example: http://forum.onlineopinion.com.au/thread.asp?discussion=2664#60072 . In it, inter alia, you say:

"....., but I do know my work's gone and I won't be re-writing. .... We shouldn't have to be writing our every post in a Word document first and transferring them across, purely to guard against the odd but increasingly annoying occasion that our work goes missing."

You see, it all derives from your insistence upon 'living dangerously', cyberspatially speaking. You had been advised as to the wisdom of compiling your posts, in Wordpad rather than Word as I recall (simply because it is a smaller, lighter, and native to the Windows 'operating system', and therefore quicker to call up), but did you do it? No.

And the result? You have ruined my whole weekend! To know that a literate and articulate post upon the better spending of $43 billion has been denied us all through a fit of pique, and on a topic where the silence, as Graham so aptly observes, has been deafening, is most disappointing. So please go back and write that post again, this time the safe way, and post it. Just think of it as a disciplinary punishment. You know you'll like it.

BTW, OnT. Isn't it interesting how Fractelle's quote from Marina Krakovsky reflects, or perhaps echoes, much of the content of the fifth chapter of Matthew, the Sermon on the Mount? Yet let Fractelle but mention a 'trigger word', 'evolved', and bang, a mind snaps shut! I wonder as to the applicability of Matthew 23:13 to what we have all just seen.

The responses here are so interesting and raise further questions, I don't quite know where to start.

eAnt, tell examinator I miss him.

Foxy
I have never seen you write anything that could be considered abuse, all you have ever done it courteously expressed your opinions. It is the 'perception' of the reader who interprets it as insult, simply for disagreeing.

So we have 'real' and 'imagined' slights. Either way they impact on us in negative ways. To survive (fight or flight) we have to be sensitive to anything that may hurt us, therefore we react more to 'bad' situations than we do to 'good' simply because there is no threat in generosity or a compliment - we are safe.

Where we become psychologically damaged is determined on how well we determine the 'real' from the 'imagined' abuse. Our reactions involve the production of endorphins which are exciting and stimulating and probably why we miss certain posters who have become absent of late - as Bronwyn suggests. Interesting the perversity of human nature.

Forrest

I am living on the edge right now typing this directly into the OLO editor. Compared to my youth spent riding motorcycles (among other risky business) this seems rather tame. Yet I am glad of the privacy when a particularly brilliant post is lost to the dimension of the internet, my tanties are no more mature than in my youth.

Forrest Gumpp
the insight program last night was very interesting my take on the series was that the 'Christian theologian' proved the point that no one religion or culture has a monopoly on the 'humanist' perspective of life...yes I'm one too.

Fractelle
I am suspicious of of the many of the conclusions of psychology results like the one you quoted because I wonder how widely they can be applied.
If you think of the models into climate they too are based on stats and incomplete data and look at the BS that goes on with them.
NOTE I'm not saying AGW isn't true only that mass figures and 'edumcated'( :)) guesses alone aren't as yet as good as adding multi cultural life experience.
My life with indigenous people has made me distrust culturally based concussions as applying across all cultures and circumstances. I don't believe psychology has enough factors to go much further than Id's “that's interesting... I'll have to think about that”

I told him what you said he said he misses you all too. While he not looking he was concerned that he lost his cool at some drongo and felt that he should stand by his standards..if he couldn't maintain his patience he shouldn't write. He also had to go to hospital for an opp. He believes in saying goodbye as if it's the last time he'll see someone because one day it will be true and he doesn't like others friendship to go unappreciated or unpunished? :)
Oops here

eAnt

I take your point about the psychological stats - as with all studies, I see them as tools or methods into creating greater understanding, but by no means conclusive (unlike the holy bible).

I started this topic because of the number of posts that miss each other's mark, so to speak - talking at cross purposes and getting irate in the process. Yet the complete opposite can be achieved also.

Your words about Id have alarmed, "Ooops" indeed. I find that even through written communication we can connect at an emotional level where, even if we disagree on some things, there is a feeling of correlation that I get with some posters here. Examinator is one of those people.