SJF

Jack the Ripper?! Ka-Ching! That is close enough to Godwin's Law for points to be paid.

Seriously, if you want to slog it out with someone, choose choose someone else because I have no interest at all in the gender war.

The motherhood myth and mother stereotypes do exist and contribute to the idealization of motherhood. This has upsides and downsides, but mainly downsides because mothers are held accountable by society for the nurture, growth, care and safety of their children. You shouldn't doubt that because many women complain about how they are expected to be super-human and are ridden by guilt if they cannot be perfect.

So too do medical and helping professionals fall into the trap of idealising mothers and expecting them to 'naturally' be able to cope with anything. This is why doctors can easily miss signs of more serious mental problems or difficulties in coping, in what they perceive to be the 'normal' anxious and harried mother.

Now to labour another point which you seem to be having difficulty accepting, the stereotypes which define a group can cause individual members to limit their behaviour accordingly. For example, it is well known that some mothers are inhibited from attending parenting skills training because they are expected to 'naturally' possess those skills. Similarly a woman who is contemplating harm to her children would be even more strongly inhibited by our prevailing cultural bias (ie the cultural stereotype that mothers are naturally nurturing and supportive) from seeking attention. You confident expectation that women would (should?) just come forward merely adds to the myth and is completely insensitive.

It follows that we should be questioning and certainly not adding to, the motherhood myth and the outrageous expectations society has of women and mothers. I repeat, we cannot trash one gender without building higher expectations with respect to the other gender, if only by comparison.

I cannot imagine why you would believe that any of this is "a treatise on embattled male integrity" and I have no idea why you would pen that silly concluding sentence.

Cornflower

'... it is well known that some mothers are inhibited from attending parenting skills training because they are expected to 'naturally' possess those skills.'

This is one of the most remarkable comments I have ever read, not just on OLO ... but anywhere. This is the complete opposite of every gender and/or motherhood reality I have ever observed or experienced. Parenting skills training is overwhelmingly dominated by women - BECAUSE of the high social expectations put on mothers. The occasional male is usually there at the insistence of 'the' wife.

I think you are trying to create a myth in order to overthrow it. The problem for mothers under stress is not an inhibition to come forward to seek help, but an unwillingness on the part of the wider society to give mothers the help they ask for.

'Seriously, if you want to slog it out with someone, choose choose someone else because I have no interest at all in the gender war.'

Your posting history says otherwise. In fact, I would go so far as to say you are obsessed with the gender war - and in particular, from a strong anti-feminist/pro-male bias.

That's fine ... but it would help if you admitted to it.

I do agree with you on one thing. It's best not to 'slog out' a point when there is little to no chance of finding a common ground. Let's agree to disagree.