The very next year I lost another baby at 14 weeks. Four years later I "threatened to abort" my beautiful son, who is now 10. Two years later I "threatened to abort" my next beautiful daughter, who is now 8. Since my last baby's birth I have had another 3 12-18 week miscarriages, all "nature's way of getting rid of problems". Yes, you can imagine, I have heard it all. Now at 40 I find myself pregnant with another baby, not really planned - who could under my circumstances - but extremely welcome. Needless to say I was shocked - I actually thought I had run my mothering days course by now, but here I am, eagerly anticipating another addition to our family. And yes, so it begins... "you're too old for more children", "haven't you been through enough", "are you responsible to your current children by risking having another"... blah, blah, ... I've heard it all over the years. I have no idea why I was chosen to go through what I have been through, but I know through this I have been able to learn a lot. I am tolerant, forgiving, accepting, grateful, loving, I do strive for excellence using my God-given abilities, and now I share my experiences. Make no mistake, I have 10 children. God is looking after 6, and with a little luck, by the middle of this year, I will be looking after 4. Every child of mine is wanted, loved and cared for to within an inch of their life. I am grateful for them, warts and all. Just because I struggle to have the children I have, doesn't make them or me perfect. I cry for my lost children regularly, and cry for the 3 (4th) who have lost siblings - who knows if they were brothers or sisters - I didn't get the option to find out. Also make no mistake, my husband grieves with me. He has lost too. Where does this leave us - it leaves us as yet another form of a normal family. Don't judge, just comfort.