The last paragraph of the article is ridiculous. It may certainly be true that obsessing over some things may be pointless, but to suggest that "I could have made a whole lot of totally different choices...and they would have turned out just the same" is just stupid. Why not take such a line to its logical (and absurd) conclusion: "I could have locked my kid in a cupboard all its childhood and it would have turned out the same"? Every experience is going to have some effect on a child's development, even if it's not easily seen or measured. For example, unless your child is a musical prodigy, he or she is not going to be able to play piano without a lesson or by jamming perhaps.

Get real. What a stupid article. There's plenty at this site that is well written and meaningful (even stuff that I don't agree with or that I'm not particularly interested in), then there's about 50% of what passes for writing here that is just complete nonsense. What a vacuous, self-indulgent offering. Is this site (and this nation) so hard up for intelligent writing?

Jane writes in the middle about a new-born human baby that smiles, breathes and "goo-gars" in the context of:
"Then you take it home, will you breastfeed and for how long? Will it sleep in your bed or in its own?"
What is an "it"?
When a human baby is an inanimate object, the last line of:
"Maybe the choices we make have very little to do with our children, and everything to do with how we want the world to see us." maybe is correct.

Really loved this article..It touched me on a bittersweet level that I really understand..It IS so hard to be a parent in the society of today. It seems that nothing is easy, nothing is right or wrong. Every mistake can be forgotten in a second or agonised over for weeks, months and years. My son is 5years old and I still have no idea if I am doing the right things all the time..and I suspect, that much to my distaste, I am probably making just as many, if not more mistakes than my own parents. Yes, the same ones I talk about when I spend time with my therapist...Ah..isn't life grand..

Jane.

Your strange. very Strange.

Why on earth does it bother you what other people do with their kids and their life.

Just get a life yourself without sticking your nose into others and leave people alone.

What a lot of dribble and what a bore.

Hope you dont make up your wage with public funding.

With so much choice is it any wounder that many are making the choice of not having to contend with choices.

It may have something to do with the declining birth rate. Its all just too much bother.

The extent to which kids are pampered and bubble wrapped is an insight into how coiffed and pampered we have become. We are spoiled rotten and we project that onto our kids. Such vicarious existence is normal to parenting, l would suggest. As old as the hills. The extent to which it has morphed reflects our own self absorption.

Oh, for a simpler existence... if only.

peace.

I'm somewhat amazed by the reactions being generated by this piece...

Many seem to aggressively dispute that many of the choices parents make are irrelevant - Caro's prime assertion.

She's not talking about 'locking the children' in a cupboard, as I've seen posted. Nor is she comparing children raised in an environment of domestic violence as opposed to a healthy upbringing.

She is simply saying that a variety of choices that cause stress for parents, aren't necessarily as important as first time parents think they are.

(Okay, I'm adding the 'first time' bit, but seeing as Caro has written this article, it's safe to assume that she, for one, has realised after having a child or two that this is the case. If that's an unreasonable assertion, feel free to attack it).

These variety of choices aren't the biggies, but they do cause stress. The general message here is that if parents are genuinely trying and doing a reasonable job, then they can feel good about that. The fact that your child has had a hissy fit in a shopping mall or started drawing on the walls doesn't necessarily mean that you have failed as a parent and your son or daughter will grow up to be a child molester.

Now on this basis, without the attacking sensationalist attitude of fear which seems more and more common these days... who disagrees?