Dodger, these 'vultures' are more correctly called parasites. Vultures can be shooed away, whereas parasites have to be physically removed.

Like ticks they feed off you until they bleed you white, or drop off when their new BMW, or next overseas trip is paid for.

Hang in there mate - changes will occur!

GlenWriter, "What will be the result: a sham where the children grow up to hate both parents instead of just one. " - possibly sometimes but the current system can too easily leave kids growing up hating not only both parents but themselves as well. Kids growing up with the most manipulative parent are going to eventually see through the sham but maybe not unlearn the things they learned about the other parent.

Whatever we do some kids are going to be harmed. Family breakup and residency disputes are not a prefered option, they are a consequence of humans being falable creatures who don't always get it right.
The questions we need to ask are
- what are the options?
- what will do the least harm all round?
- how can we minimise the harm?

Shared parenting is not perfect and I don't think that any of us who support it would claim that it is. What we are saying is that in most cases it is a much better option than the winner (and her solicitor) takes all scenario that we have now which encourages manipulation of children and ongoing conflict between the parents.

I'm just back from a great weekend camping with my son, we had a ball and he made some new friends. A joy for both my son and I that we would both miss out on if his time with me was too curtailed, an experience that he just won't get with his mother because it's not something she does. We both contribute in different ways to our sons life and I think his life is the richer and more balanced for it than his life would be if he saw me for a few hours once a fortnight.

R0bert

what i am saying is you cannot prescribe solutions to relationship problems.

shared custody will only work, can only work, if the parents choose to make it work. telling people this is how things will be, unless they do x, y, or z, will not resolve conflicts. it shouldn't take a degree in conflict resolution to figure that out.

for the record, i'm a qualified lawyer. i have a pretty good idea of how the system works and doesn't work at the moment. i happen to be divorced with a child between us. and know at least one family court justice.

the introduction of mediation and counselling services as a prequel to having these issues determined by a court was a huge improvement. contrary to popular opinion, lawyers do not like litigation. no one really wins in ocurt. unfortunately, sometimes the only way to resolve conflicts is to have a third person decide how to resolve it.

everyone would like to resolve conflicts without involving lawyers. much cheaper and probably much faster too. but a lot of people cannot, for many reasons.

the shared residence idea is an ideologically motivated policy that does not have universal support. making the system less flexible and more prescriptive will not help. people already have the option of sharing the care of their children 50:50 - it is not often done. sometimes it's just impossible.

having it as an explicit option, that does make sense.

but the problems many people have with family law are largely matters of procedure and resources. not enough of the latter, and perhaps too much of the former.

conflict resolution is a complicated and stressful process. particularly when the aggrieved parties are angry at each other.

In his younger years (until around 45), my father had an awful alcohol problem. I begged my Mother to leave him and get a divorce.

I am glad that she stayed with him - since she loved him so much - and she strove to maintain the family unit.

I am better off for Mum staying with Dad.

Prior to Dad's death (only 52 years), it was my privilege to spend many special hours with he and Mum.

I wish people would try more to keep families together
Cheers
Kay

maelorin, I agree that both parties have to co-operate to make shared parenting work as well as it can. Again though you have to look at what you are comparing it to.

I'm not sure what research is around but I have a suspicion that even bad shared parenting where bad behaviour by one parent is unlikely to be rewarded with extra residency may lead to better outcomes for children than unnecessary sole parenting achieved through the bloody mindedness of the parent gaining the residency.

As I have pointed out earlier I think we need to remove the financial incentives promoting the sole parent model. Certainly help those who are left with kids through the other parents lack of interest but give nothing for those who take actions which make shared parenting impossible. I do not believe there should be any Family Tax Benefit, child support, rent assistance etc, single parents pensions etc paid to a resident parent when shared parenting is not in place because of the actions and choices of that parent.

Also make a loss of residency a likely outcome for ongoing patterns of behaviour which hinder shared parentings success - if one parent chooses to relocate away from the area let them be the one to suffer the consequences not their children and the other parent. If one parent deliberately or consistantly breaches residency arrangements let them face loss of residency. Kids will feel some pain during the transition but maybe they can be raised by someone who cares more about them than other agenda's.

Prescription will not work in all situations but the current situation appears to leave many women believing that the 80/20 split and control over their kids lives are their right and the way things should be. A percentage of those might see things differently if shared parenting is the norm rather than the exception and a percentage more might find scamming the system is just to much work with to little reward.

R0bert

I was going to comment with a testimonial against all the worst horrors and nightmares of the previous system.

But I decided I'd grown through the hardships of our family break up and a long period of interrupted-contact. My children are now grown up, active and responsible adults.

Both seem to have the relationships they want with their parents.

They make up their own minds as to the type and depth of the relationship they want. That changes...often.

They seem happy.

I'm happy and their mother? Well I don't really know. We now follow different paths in life and only have contact when there is a significant event in our childrens lives.

On the strength of Mr Green's article I'd favour the implementation of shared parenting. Stuff the influence of all negativity.

To those who are suffering the trial of non-contact, have hope. I was given a piece of adivce as soon as I regained contact with my children. The counsellor I spoke with suggested I merely give my children fun whenever I had contact with them. She didn't mean spending on funparks or presents.

I see my children (23 & 21)daily. They chose to live with me 11 years ago after seven years of very difficult and infrequent contact.