So true Trade, but it is not so much women that dread the “D” word, so I’m wondering when us men will collectively realise how damaging marriage is under the current terms. The women of course, continue to plan their next wedding as we speak, and unfortunately just as many, their divorce.

I see the usual amount of women bashing in a few of the comments who have been done over by their ex partners emotionally and financially. I was loyal for 10 years of hell from an abusive insecure husband that had no control over his temper.
I left becuase i knew that i would probabaly die in that relationship not a physical death but a spiritual death. And what was I showing my 3 girls if i had stayed?, not loyality.
Im one of those women who did not financially ruin my exhusband or take the kids off him.
I gave him the house valued at $450000 and took a settlement of 50,000 over 5 years. I also agree to him having the children 50% of time because he cried outside the court and i believed him.
8 draining years later and 3 more family court final orders he is more angry manuipulative and dangerous to the kids with a string of broken contravention orders VRO orders.
He spends his life plotting how to get back at us which we can deal with. The children say he nevers stops talking about it to everyone they meet.He has ruined his relationship with his 3 daughters and he is so bitter and twisted that he cannot see it.

The point im trying to make is the gaps in the laws are always there and always will be there. Maybe its just Karma and I owed this man Karma from a past life maybe i did to him what he is doing to me now. And according to the laws of Karma one must suffer inorder to pay off the debt.
Really thats the only way I can accept this because I have tried with all my heart and strength to help this man.
What this mess lead us to is a spiritual path called Falun Gong which has given us understanding to the universal laws of Truth compassion and tolerance and for that Im very grateful and thankful to him for.

Nothing like a bit of alleged 'woman bashing' to bring out the thinly veiled 'man bashers.'

How compassionate and understanding. Well done.

The point is,of course, that notwithstanding the odd occasional role reveral in terms of people's experience of divorce and the family law shytstem... the deck is firmly stacked. Half the players get to see your cards. Half the players get handicapped when they sit at the table. The dealer doesnt generally apply the same rules to the players and the payouts are different depending on whether you are the 'primary' babysitter, er l mean caregiver and nurturer, or not.

Simple reason for this is a well worn, tried and true absolute truth of parenthood... mother knows best (wots best for HER and the kids.) Just ask her, she will tell you all about it.

Ooops, maybe l shouldnt have said it. The karma police are now knocking at the door.

Jana Banana

Thank you for your post - I too escaped from a manipulative and psychotic husband. Fortunately, for me, I did not have children. I realised that to bring children into such a bad relationship would be suicide for me and just plain cruel for any children.

It took me eight years to get up enough courage to leave. But I finally managed.

The first time my husband struck me to the floor was the time he lost any right to loyalty. Shame on me for not leaving him then.

Loyalty takes both sides to participate. It is not loyalty to stay in an abusive relationship out of fear.

My ex too, escaped from the dungeons of her mind. No such luck for her fellow captives. Our loyalty continues to be forcibly extracted after so many years.

I had been loyal to my proffesional husband for past 29 years,committed to marriage and the family.Lately just discovered that my husband is actually an excellent manipulator in business as well as with me,a real shock to my system.I am so disilusioned with such a word loyalty in relationship.