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The Forum > Article Comments > Not so much a choice as a daily dilemma > Comments

Not so much a choice as a daily dilemma : Comments

By Maggie Walter, published 16/5/2005

Maggie Walter argues mothers are faced with a work-life balance dilemma each day.

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The excuse for this article will probably be that it is written from the mother’s perspective, but it mentions words such as “families”, and “parenting”, and then leaves out words such as “fathers”.

Fathers are not in the picture, and the three options mentioned in the article for a mother don’t directly incorporate the father. I wonder where he is, or what he is expected to be doing?

Does the father have any options anymore, or is there now a mindset throughout society that a father is just a paypacket and workhorse for a mother and “her” children?
Posted by Timkins, Monday, 16 May 2005 11:10:06 AM
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Yes I know of more and more couples with children where the main bread winner is the mother, the father stays at home with the children. My husband and I both work part time and will share the day to day care of our 1 yr old and any others that come along until they are ready for full-time school.

There seems to be more and more written about how women can't have it all, I agree that bringing up children is a full-time job and that one person can't have a fabulous full-time career and also be a fabulous full-time mum, but we could look more toward developing a community around us that's helps a mother look after her child. It's not ok for father's to not share that intimate time with their children from both the father's and child's point of view, ideally a balance is needed.

I'm reading alot of articles about how women realistically should stay at home with the kids and put the career on the back burner, I think there are other ways of thinking about this, like involving the father. I'm nervous that women's rights are being quietly attacked from all directions in this latest incarnation of a conservative age. Sure parenthood requires career compromises but with a little support and imagination not complete surrender, surely not.
Posted by chess, Monday, 16 May 2005 12:12:59 PM
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Timkins I agree with your view – although the excuse (aptly), as you say, goes further

“As unpaid labour, active parenting is economically invisible.”

Well Maggie it is like this – parenthood is a privilege, not a right nor a duty nor a source of supposed gainful employment. Get that concept right and we might not need your article at all.

And

“For Australian women dealing with the daily dilemma of achieving a work-family life balance translates into a lifecourse dilemma.”

So too for Australian Men and of course the children of the relationship.

As a divorced parent of 2 who has an excellent relationship with my children (and a pretty good one with the ex-wife too) the burden is placed between mother and father, it does not hang entirely off the shoulders of the woman, unless, of course, she is playing the "pity card" with a wardrobe composed entirely of beige hessian sacking of which this little “off the shoulder” number is commonly accompanied by a makeup made of ashes.
Posted by Col Rouge, Tuesday, 17 May 2005 8:39:24 AM
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A very one sided look at some of the issues in balancing parenting and careers.

Maggie, there is so much more to this. Fathers desperate to be involved in a meaningful manner in their kids lives and the percentage of mothers who regard parenting as their domain and cling to it in a manner which makes the fathers involvement a massive struggle.

The mothers who move away from the area where the father lives and works following seperation and then bleat about how hard it is as a single parent.

Yes there are uncaring dads out there and mothers who are unfairly left with the rough end of the pineapple but there are also plenty creating the situations which you write about to the harm of their kids, former spouses and often to themselves.

Try the equation when following seperation the mother claims prime carer responsibility and 'aquires' the children as well as a significant proportion of the after tax income of the father.
Posted by R0bert, Tuesday, 17 May 2005 1:40:28 PM
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